Fiancé just told me he no longer wants to get married?

[LittleCactus]

I'm so confused. Been engaged 4 years (to the day, in fact) and he. Just told me he doesn't want to get married a anymore. Doesn't see the point and thinks it's too much faff/expense if it all goes to pot. He still wants to be with me, apparently, but not as a married couple. I love the idea of marriage and have always envisioned myself being someone's wife.
What would you do?

Actions speak louder than words. Get him to put you on the deeds of the house to prove he's committed. Get him to book the registry office at a mutually convenient date. Then he can't say you pressured him into anything. He did it himself.

Yep, sadly. Yet another bloke stringing a woman along until someone better (in his eyes) turns up and you’re out OP.
It’s ridiculously predictable.

So being married shouldn't count for anything, practically speaking?

They really need to teach this in schools.

If you click "see all" on the OP you can read all their posts first. It's a waste of time reading one post then deciding what you have to say is so important it doesn't matter what else was posted.

All these people saying 4 years is a long engagement are baffling me ! Ive been with my DH 21 years, married 5. Engaged majority of that. There are no set rules

You're not in a position then where you've paid towards the mortgage of a house you have no legal stake in and have taken a financial hit by going part time (because they have had a child together)

It's not losing everything anyway - it's losing half, and depends what you define as 'losing'. It's the fact that so many men believe they've been 'shafted' in a divorce because they're expected to pay for their own kids after the marriage ends (which strangely many seem to think they shouldn't have to) and make up for the fact that their wives have missed out financially due to childrearing (in most cases) that's the problem.

Hope you're already on the phone to the registry office, OP, and booking a date.

Get married asap - I mean really quickly. Make the day lots of fun just for the two of you, try to really live in the moment, concentrate on how much you love your fiancé. Do your best to make the marriage work. But from now on, always prioritise yours and your DC's security. Make every decision with that in mind.

Traditionally marriage had bugger all to do with love, and that's still the case in many parts of the world. And what do you mean, men 'lose everything'? Are you suggesting that in the event of a divorce, men shouldn't have to provide for their own children? So men get to procreate for free, while women shoulder the financial burden and all the work of bringing them up?

In that case, you ask him why you have to split up in order to be protected.

If he intends to do the right thing by you if you ever split up, surely he can do the right thing by you now, while you are still together.

If he won't do it while you are still together then clearly he would have absolutely no intention of doing it if you split up.

So indoctrinated that you can't even see that.

You're not very bright, are you? You're making a total arse of yourself on here, and might be better off returning to Reddit.

Ah yes, not indoctrinated at all to stake your financial future on the belief that "love is enough"! Especially where kids are involved. Someone's been watching too many romcoms...

Actually, the whole point of being married is that you are entering into a legal contract where you both assume legal obligations towards each other. The idea is that you are committing to staying together until one of you dies. If you want to break that contract, you can, but there are consequences. Namely, that you can't just walk away with whatever you feel is "yours", but you have to go through the legal system to ensure a fair split of any property and make sensible arrangements for the care of any children you have together.

This is a completely separate issue from "love".

You can love someone without being married, and you can be married without being in love.

Men who want to be able to walk away from a relationship without any legal or financial consequences should not have children.

It's this entitled nature of women why men are not getting into relationships now.

It protects men too - did you not realise? Explain to me how you would make the decision as to who drops or gives up their employment when kids come along? Every man/woman for themselves?

Marriage has always been a contract. I'm slightly baffled there are people who are learning this, in 2024.

No one knows his I tentions or if your interpretation is correct.

he could just as easily thought ‘well why bother, what difference does it make now?’

thinking and feeling like that is common, clearly many women do too as they often come in these boards in a panic during a split as they never realised how vulnerable they are.

marriage has been made all about the weddings. There is a reason it was nearly always an orchastrated move a couple of hundred years ago.

I suspect OP will be back here in a couple of years...

No it's not about love. It's a financial agreement, pure and simple.

And in any case the DP isn't showing any evidence that love comes into the equation: he's manipulated the OP into paying into his mortgage for years without the commitment and legal protection deserves. Why on earth should she marry someone like this for love?