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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Facebook......a timely reminder of why I left 5 years ago.

110 replies

Tolkienista · 30/12/2023 21:13

It's exactly 5 years since I last posted on FB, coinciding with me moving house. I was done with feeling that I didn't live up to the perfect lives everyone seemed to be portraying, always felt worse after trawling through my friends feed.
I've never deactivated my account because I use Messenger as a way of keeping in touch with people I was friends with on FB.

So, in the last hour I decided to log in to my account (spur of the moment decision) and spent about 5 mins max scrolling down my feed & honestly it brought me right back again to feeling inadequate. Totally ridiculous I know, couldn't wait to get off it.

Am I the only one who feels this way? it's shocked me, didn't think I'd feel so negative about something so many people love.
I think what comes out of it for me, is that I like the one to one connection I have on Messenger or small group chats, basically private conversations.
But on FB this evening it really felt like look at me, look at me, isn't my life wonderful.........id love to hear what others feel.

OP posts:

TitusMoan · 30/12/2023 21:17

Am I the only one who feels this way?

With 3 billion people registered on Facebook, probably not.

foxywheaton75 · 30/12/2023 21:47

I left Facebook for exactly the same reason. Just fake egotistical posts.
Quite like being out of the loop and definitely do not have any fear of missing out.

Terrrence · 30/12/2023 21:57

I like seeing pictures of family and friends celebrating Christmas or having a baby or getting married or their dog or their trip to somewhere interesting or beautiful. Why do nice pictures of other people make you feel inadequate? Any pictures that your family or friends share that you think are fake or embarrassing shouldn't make you feel inadequate. If such pictures ever did appear in your feed would you not just feel a little embarrassed for them for a second and then scroll on? But really it wouldn't pay to go on to Facebook to roll your eyes at how awful your friends and family are.

HeyDiggity · 30/12/2023 22:00

I enjoy looking at all the fun things my friends and family are doing. Also holiday photos to see if I want to go there too. I’m not naive enough to assume that every second of their lives is perfect though, because that’s not how life works.

Mischance · 30/12/2023 22:00

I find facebook useful in some ways, but am always puzzled by people who give you a blow by blow account of their daily lives - why do they think anyone wants to know!?

Ostu · 30/12/2023 22:02

It's mostly adverts for fake jobs and wino-times people on my facebook. I'm not on it much though.

Original poster

Tolkienista · 30/12/2023 22:09

Thank you for your messages...... really interesting to read.
I appreciate different views.

OP posts:

Hedonism · 30/12/2023 22:13

I stay on Facebook for the info about local events, and a couple of groups relating to one of my hobbies. However - I might go cold turkey in the new year. It's such a time drain.

TheMoreYouKnow · 30/12/2023 22:15

A friend of mine told me how she'd been out for the day and how shit it had been. A couple of days later there were photos from that day on FB saying what a great time she'd had!
Another where I went past a mum on a walk down a street who came across a puddle and told her toddler to jump in it telling him that she'd post it on FB. She took the photo said come on we need to go now. He looked a bit puzzled.
Another posted about how wonderful her husband is. A week later it came out that they were divorcing.
Just 3 stories that tell you how fake it all is.
I'd rather be living my life then be worrying about what I put on FB. These people's lives are dictated by it. Just be glad yours isn't.

Berl29 · 30/12/2023 22:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

autienotnaughty · 30/12/2023 22:22

Who are you friends with? I have about 50 friends. They are all my relatives and actual friends. It's an easy way to see their photos , what they are up to. And I will post key moments in our lives.

I have Snapchat but I have 6 friends- my dds, nieces and sisters. We send silly videos to each other.

I have instagram I follow my dds and some comedians, famous people I find funny. Same with twitter.

I think social media can be what you want it to be.

LaughingCat · 30/12/2023 22:30

Nah - I set up a dummy account that I use to link to mobile games but my actual account, I haven't used for years. It’s just boring. I check my local takeout’s special if we’re thinking of going and my other half is a member of loads of meme groups, which he sends onto me for chuckles.

It’s not as bad as Twitter/X though…

Wisenotboring · 30/12/2023 22:37

Take it lightly and remember that you are only seeing a snapshot of people's lives. A moment in time. I like to see people's cute Christmas pics with their children and families. The pictures look happy and smiley which I am.sure are authentic. There will be other moments in their week with tiredness, illness and grumpy spouses/children that are also true. We just don't tend to post that stuff. Fb should be fun. Of it isn't inwould leave it again ans not give another moments thought to it. Happy new year!

JollyHollyxmas · 30/12/2023 22:46

Hi OP yes I left about the same time ago you did and don't miss it at all!! I felt it really encouraged you to faux boast about your life / prove you were also doing interesting stuff. It's only when life happens and you realise that very few of your fb friends are real friends that you know in your heart it has all been a big con, including your own participation and performance in it all. Felt like I was writing an open diary that I wanted people to read when I posted things, very odd feeling! So I left and very few of the fb friends stayed in touch and that is also fine with me!

MotherOfUnicorns4 · 30/12/2023 22:46

You can deactivate Facebook and still use messenger. I’ve deactivated for a while as it had become an annoyance. I get no positivity whatsoever from it and am not missing it one bit!

MzHz · 30/12/2023 23:03

I don’t get any of this comparison or woe is me shit from FB.

Maybe get less shallow friends @Tolkienista?

lto2019 · 31/12/2023 00:14

None of my friends post fake stuff.. Some post nice things that happen - some post things that have gone wrong - nobody posts suggesting their relationship is perfect.
I find the constant ads the most off putting thing.

TheresaCrowd · 31/12/2023 00:26

It actually warms my heart to see other people happy but you're certainly not alone in how you feel OP. I've seen it posted 100 times over on Mumsnet that people are jealous of what they see on FB.

It's interesting because I know a lovely lady (retired teacher) who's bought herself a camper van and almost every day, she's off somewhere exciting.

I absolutely love seeing the pics of her and her dog visiting various UK heritage sites, yet a friend of ours deleted her for 'showing off'

I guess one person's happiness can be another person's trigger for a variety of reasons.

Namechange666 · 31/12/2023 02:30

Nope, this is exactly why mine is deactivated. And I was happy in my ignorant bliss on m instagram where I had more control over what I saw. Until now I have to see horrible threads in my feed. I wish I could remove it and I cannot. Keep seeing such extremes in posts that I feel filthy after reading them. Can tell the twitter lot have migrated from x.

People just cannot help a stealth boast.

RantyAnty · 31/12/2023 02:37

I'm barely on it and never post anything.

I have one relative who does the play by play of any type of adverse weather around the world.

Another one who posts memes that are somewhat laddish humor but for old people. None of it's funny.

nzborn · 31/12/2023 03:38

Never been on it

CarrotCake01 · 31/12/2023 03:47

I took myself off social media for the same reason and I'm the same. I occasionally use messenger app but without needing to log into the Facebook side of it at all.

Every so often I'll pop on there for something specific, to check a birthday etc then it goes off again. I just realised it was so bad for my mental health and I could spend hours scrolling, yet it would bring me no joy.

Facebook is a form of AI technology and is designed to keep you scrolling. It's mind numbing in many ways and doesn't care about the individuals using it. I just found it all to be so negative and toxic or just boring and pointless.

I agree, people use social media posts to portray their lives in fake / unrealistic ways. I hate it when people post things that are "just for the likes".

Mothership4two · 31/12/2023 03:53

I use it for the local pages and hobby groups. Have a small selection of friends and family accounts which people use to keep others up to date or make arrangements, there is no airbrushed perfect lives on mine. I am very selective though. I am in an old school friends group and will only 'friend' people I liked who were nice (and that I remember!)

However, my absolutely lovely niece was still posting her wedding/honeymoon pictures 6 months after her wedding. It was a wonderful day and I'm very pleased for them, but still...

YukoandHiro · 31/12/2023 04:02

My husband quit it for exactly the same reason, he found it made him feel really insecure and also upset that people he knew weren't in much direct contact with him and used it as a proxy.
I don't mind it as I like seeing what people are up to but hardly anyone I know under 50 actually posts on it anymore. Most use instagram now.

Singsonggsu · 31/12/2023 04:09

I use FB to keep in touch with friends and family and I use it for my business. I enjoy seeing posts of family & friends and holidays, kids first days, graduations etc. I also know some of my family & friends who live in different parts of the world appreciate and enjoy seeing my family news too. Without FB we’d miss out on these connections so I find it mostly a very positive experience. I do have some FB friends who are prolific posters of every meal they eat, every dog walk etc and I tend to snooze them as it gets a bit tedious but I like that you have control over this. Don’t like it, don’t follow.

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