Facebook......a timely reminder of why I left 5 years ago.

[Tolkienista]

It's exactly 5 years since I last posted on FB, coinciding with me moving house. I was done with feeling that I didn't live up to the perfect lives everyone seemed to be portraying, always felt worse after trawling through my friends feed.
I've never deactivated my account because I use Messenger as a way of keeping in touch with people I was friends with on FB.

So, in the last hour I decided to log in to my account (spur of the moment decision) and spent about 5 mins max scrolling down my feed & honestly it brought me right back again to feeling inadequate. Totally ridiculous I know, couldn't wait to get off it.

Am I the only one who feels this way? it's shocked me, didn't think I'd feel so negative about something so many people love.
I think what comes out of it for me, is that I like the one to one connection I have on Messenger or small group chats, basically private conversations.
But on FB this evening it really felt like look at me, look at me, isn't my life wonderful.........id love to hear what others feel.

I deleted and blocked one person who posted several times a day. She was addicted to the praise for herself and her children.

Another who only posted bore boasts about her three dancing 'girlies' who were treated like performing seals, under guise of 'so grateful' 'so thankful' then a list of their achievements in substandard local competitions. Also deleted as a friend and blocked.

Horrible place, Facebook. I too only use it for messenger and a few good friends.

I wish I saw more of my friend's pictures, it's just all ads on mine.

LinkedIn is where I really feel the most like this OP. Wow there's some annoying boasting on there.
Oh look, it's that mediocre ex colleague who was a right prick, now he's the CEO of the world.

@Tolkienista

i left FB and feel a lot happier.
‘I left as is stoped being fun but also for the harm it does to young people.

not on any social media at all.

should be banned for under 18’s

its a disgrace

I like FBk a lot better than MN. Much more supportive, just not as diverse.

I left for exactly the same reasons, plus we had an estranged family member who used to put stuff on that was definitely designed to upset myself and DH. I love Instagram, it's generally positive and I can follow topics that interest me. Stay off FB and remember thar comparison is the thief 9f joy!

I have an account but don’t post anything and I find it very draining. I can’t figure out what to post, it all feels like bragging or complaining to me. I like seeing pictures of people’s children but it’s also just so endless. I’d rather engage more directly with people.

Am I the only one who feels this way? it's shocked me, didn't think I'd feel so negative about something so many people love.

It is widely reported that FB creates negative feelings. So no, not the only one. There have been about a million articles about this, here is one:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-do-you-know/202210/facebook-caused-poor-mental-health-the-beginning

I have facebook but i rarely post anymore, or even comment. If i comment on anything my parents always seem to be notified ive commented on something and i hate that. I keep wanting to delete it but i have a few groups i like being in

i mainly get community pages,
i find instagram far worse for the feelings of inadequacy

I left literally ten years ago because I couldn’t stand the “blessed” and “so proud of my amazing …” cringe posts.

it didn’t make me feel inadequate but irrationally irritated. I’m happier without it.

The best advice I saw was don’t compare your behind the scenes footage with other peoples edited highlights. People tell
me oh your life looks great on Facebook and I always say don’t be fooled by the facade. If you make a photo album you only put good photos in of everyone smiling. Facebook for me is a digital scrapbook so I can share and remember the good memories. It’s not meant to be just a brag, although I can see how it looks like that. Just realize people only post the good 5% and the rest is swept under the rug

I don't understand why people give FB such a hard time. Yes it's snapshots. Yes it doesn't record all the shit bits of the year. So? If anything causes you anxiety then maybe you should really address what the root cause of your anxiety is.

I left FB a few years ago, and don’t miss it at all.

For me it was the pressure to constantly Like people’s posts. One time, a work colleague posted that her recently departed DF would be smiling down from heaven because the Conservatives had been elected again. I could NOT bring myself to Like her post I’m afraid, and she was a bit off with me after that.

So I get how you feel OP.

FB never made me feel inadequate, the things i hated were 1) how it defined "friend", which was at odds with my much narrower definition, and 2) learning things about people that i wish i didn't know, such as their political leanings. FB used to make me angry so i stopped using it, maybe 10 years ago. I pop on to see what one v distant relative is up to.

Facebook is useful for knowing quickly..

If local roads are closed, when the bins go out over Christmas, who's sadly died (so I can make sure I can get to their funeral), friends holiday pictures for potential inspiration and messenger to keep in touch with a few people.

Yes I know what you mean, for me it's Instagram more than Facebook. I hate it during summer when people are doing amazing things with their kids (days out, city breaks, foreign holidays) and I can barely juggle childcare and work enough to get them to the park.

It really depresses me.

I don't come off it because I find out a lot of useful things from social media but I wish there was a way to filter all the bullshit. I try to remind myself people only post the good bits.

Like a lot of social media ie Instagram no one can be seen to be shitting out. I’ve noticed this has now spilled over into real life. Everyone has got an answer for everything and by that I mean excuses, reasons and back chat. Everything everyone does is fabulous and amazing. It’s fake as fuck and where has humility gone. SM has a lot to answer for

I live abroad from my family and all my friends I grew up with until my mid 20s. Facebook is a great way to stay in touch. I also use it as a way to share photos and a reminder to myself where I’ve been, especially as we go visit villages to decide where we may move to next. So multipurpose.

what I’m not going to do is share with everyone when I feel overwhelmed with a messy house, with demands of being a mother to teens, about arguments with DH etc. who wants to hear that? Why would I want to share that? Of course I’m only sharing the good stuff.

why would want people to do that?

I've never experienced this with social media tbh, though I know it's common. I look at Facebook fairly briefly, usually once a day, and enjoy seeing what friends and acquaintances are up to (ones I rarely or never see irl). I never feel envy or dissatisfaction with my own life as a result, and don't ever find other people's posts show-offy.

I'm also on Instagram, but I only use that to follow accounts related to my interests. I almost never post, and I don't use it to connect with friends etc.

My only real issue is that, like most people, I spend too much time on the internet in general (though not FB). Tbh Mumsnet is the worst culprit for that with me!

I got into an argument once with a "friend" on FB about this. She kept on saying how wonderful her child was when he was really struggling at school and how she hoped he would go to a good university and have a career as a banker or lawyer. It was excruciating.

When he turned around and told her he wanted to do something else (I think it was a plumber) my response was, "it's a good job and pays well. Not everyone feels the need to put themselves into a ton of debt for something they don't care about." She thought differently. I still look at it but don't post. I take everything with a pinch of salt nowadays.

Nope you're not the only one!

I found social media just poison - FB, IG, Snapchat, TikTok, Twitter etc.. just platforms for attention seeking. People only post the good things - which are fake half the time anyway - so I find it best to avoid. If they're you're really friends, they will tell you whatever news directly!

It's a massive shame because I do think there are great benefits for small businesses or for those accounts genuinely trying to cut through the SM bullshit, but they're far and few between and often buried in amongst the fake friends, fake celebrities, fake "influencers 🤢".

SM has a lot to answer for; mental health issues, spreading disinformation, perpetuating hate and bullying (for the cowards who hide behind the screen). I stay off of it!

"I've never deactivated my account because I use Messenger as a way of keeping in touch with people I was friends with on FB."

You can deactivate but still keep messenger. I hate Facebook too and haven't really been in for the last 5 years but find messenger useful.

FB is annoying (and LinkedIn!) both full of people boasting. I no longer post on either as last years NY resolution was to go LC on SM. I do keep the accounts going for the groups I'm on. How can you ask friends "what have you been doing?" when you meet up if you know everything already because they've posted the minutae of their lives online!
Whatsapp is more direct and private to the friend or group!

@LoveAutumnColours

i used to think that but those people are mainly just acquaintances and not important in your life.

three people contacted to see why I had left.

my real friends I kept in touch with other ways and not via har’ful SM

same for family too

it used to be fun now if causes harm I think

I like it for crochet group’s and holiday groups, don’t bother too much with the rest. I rarely put pictures on there as it always feels a bit crass and ‘look at me’ but do occasionally.

I am very aware it isn’t a reflection of real life and mute people who post too much, especially those awful memes. I do find it tiresome when every aspect of one’s life is recorded on Facebook but I suppose it works for some people.