Facebook......a timely reminder of why I left 5 years ago.

[Tolkienista]

It's exactly 5 years since I last posted on FB, coinciding with me moving house. I was done with feeling that I didn't live up to the perfect lives everyone seemed to be portraying, always felt worse after trawling through my friends feed.
I've never deactivated my account because I use Messenger as a way of keeping in touch with people I was friends with on FB.

So, in the last hour I decided to log in to my account (spur of the moment decision) and spent about 5 mins max scrolling down my feed & honestly it brought me right back again to feeling inadequate. Totally ridiculous I know, couldn't wait to get off it.

Am I the only one who feels this way? it's shocked me, didn't think I'd feel so negative about something so many people love.
I think what comes out of it for me, is that I like the one to one connection I have on Messenger or small group chats, basically private conversations.
But on FB this evening it really felt like look at me, look at me, isn't my life wonderful.........id love to hear what others feel.

Luckily my friends on FB are mainly friends IRL and not arsehats, so I enjoy reading what everyone's been up to

Same here...I was sick of my family and friends like my siblings posts but never liking mine. My friends stopped bothering with me and don't keep in touch anymore and sick of seeing everyone's lives and doing up their houses whilst I lived in a house I can't afford to do up.

It’s really hard to see isn’t it. I think I need to mute the fake friends. Why be a fb friend if you don’t want to be IRL? I find it to be toxic, people are brave hiding behind their phones and laptops and wouldn’t dare say the things they say on fb in real life. Not many of my real friends are even on fb so it does make me think why put myself through it!!

I hearvyou so much attention seeking.
Imagine if you could put up "really fancy doing x, y or z at that new bar/restaurant/stadium, but everyone is busy or not phoning me back anybody want to come with me?'
People would think loooooozer
Well I wouldn't but it's not the carefully curated image of more friends than I can fit in.

I feel so petty saying this but I've a school friend who really looks up to some people we we went to school with. She will like all their posts but not mine! I am a friend who will take a day off work to help her. We are friends. I'm not deluded!! It's the way she behaves on fb that isn't real.

It’s not based on reality so I don’t take much notice tbh. People show their best side. I’m on there for hobbies, interests and work related stuff.

If it doesn’t suit you don’t use it. My husband doesn’t have Facebook and hasn’t used it for 10 years. He uses what’s app to stay in touch with people.

@ChanelNo19EDT i completely agree, it’s all so fake and you really get to see another side to people. Especially when irl all someone does is slag someone off but on their posts and pics they’re giving it all the “you look gorgeous hun” blah blah blah. Just so so fake. I’m gonna come off it for a little while and concentrate on the real world I think.

I'm usually on Instagram but get email alerts when a Facebook 'favourite' posts anything, so I then go on it and comment or like the post.

But the main reason I never choose to go on it is that it's mostly adverts now - it's awful.

I use it for some groups, mostly relating to my industry or buy/sell groups. I hardly bought a single new thing when my kids were babies, I got it all from Facebook!

I understand what you mean, OP, about everyone's lives looking perfect but I'm ok with that, knowing that the reality is different. A friend recently posted a picture of herself and her husband having champagne at the beach to celebrate her 40th. Looked lovely. She told me later that she posted that single photo because she felt like an ugly troll in all the others and was actually feeling quite down about herself, and this was the one picture she felt even remotely ok about. I understand that; I know the reality is rarely the same as the social media post but I enjoy the updates about people's lives. I post quite a bit, mostly because I live abroad and my mom and her friends really like to see the posts. I'm not too bothered if other people like them or not, but it is a really easy way to keep friends scattered around the world updated, and I like to see their posts too. I'm sure some of my posts might seem all 'look at my perfect life' because I would never post anything very 'woe is me', but I do occasionally mention less positive things too (crap holidays, kids playing up etc). I also LOVE that I get notifications about things I posted in previous years, it's like an online scrapbook for me. A public one, but still!

As an expat it's also an amazing way of connecting with other people, learning about my location etc, but obviously that isn't relevant to most people.

OP, if you're happier without it then you're doing the right thing not to bother. I also use the Messenger app for one or two friends, not sure why we use that instead of WhatsApp but we do.

There's a woman in a hobby group of mine who is very prone to envy.
Even when I did post on FB it was only about local events or shops.
But I stopped posting (or indeed telling her anything IRL) because of how she is.
My life is a mix of good and bad, and in some areas I have much less than most people. But she seems to be fixated. So it was easiest to become more private across the board.