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Original poster

Facebook......a timely reminder of why I left 5 years ago.

110 replies

Tolkienista · 30/12/2023 21:13

It's exactly 5 years since I last posted on FB, coinciding with me moving house. I was done with feeling that I didn't live up to the perfect lives everyone seemed to be portraying, always felt worse after trawling through my friends feed.
I've never deactivated my account because I use Messenger as a way of keeping in touch with people I was friends with on FB.

So, in the last hour I decided to log in to my account (spur of the moment decision) and spent about 5 mins max scrolling down my feed & honestly it brought me right back again to feeling inadequate. Totally ridiculous I know, couldn't wait to get off it.

Am I the only one who feels this way? it's shocked me, didn't think I'd feel so negative about something so many people love.
I think what comes out of it for me, is that I like the one to one connection I have on Messenger or small group chats, basically private conversations.
But on FB this evening it really felt like look at me, look at me, isn't my life wonderful.........id love to hear what others feel.

OP posts:
CandidaAlbicans2 · 31/12/2023 09:08

FB is what you make it though. I hate those sickly "so blessed", braggy posts so I unfollow or unfriend anyone who does those, and use it mainly to follow artists, good causes, local info pages, etc. Saying that, I rarely go on it these days as it's such a waste of time really.

daisychain01 · 31/12/2023 09:12

Terrrence · 30/12/2023 21:57

I like seeing pictures of family and friends celebrating Christmas or having a baby or getting married or their dog or their trip to somewhere interesting or beautiful. Why do nice pictures of other people make you feel inadequate? Any pictures that your family or friends share that you think are fake or embarrassing shouldn't make you feel inadequate. If such pictures ever did appear in your feed would you not just feel a little embarrassed for them for a second and then scroll on? But really it wouldn't pay to go on to Facebook to roll your eyes at how awful your friends and family are.

Any pictures that your family or friends share that you think are fake or embarrassing shouldn't make you feel inadequate.

of course not, when you live in a perfect world where everything is easy to cope with and your MH and perceptions are something you control and be on top of 100% of the time.

back in the real world....

If all is going well in your life, then absolutely seeing people celebrating their lives, photos galore of their family time etc all fantastic.

If things aren't going well, if you suffer from social anxiety, if you have personal feelings of inadequacy or if you just don't fancy having your nose rubbed in the fact your life is going through a shitty phase, then going onto Facebook is not an uplifting experience. It makes you feel worse, comparison is the thief of joy and you just want to block it off and not go back to it.

It really isn't that hard to understand or empathise, give it a try.

Shiningout · 31/12/2023 09:16

I came off five years ago too and never looked back. Sometimes people will say things like omg have you seen what (my ex dh) has posted? And I just say I don't care, I came off because it brought nothing positive to my life and 90 percent of it is attention seeking bullshit and virtue signalling.

Previousreligion · 31/12/2023 09:19

I have felt the same as you and I left Facebook for a while as a result. In my case it was because people would post about trips with friends from the same group and I'd feel really upset that I hadn't been invited too.

I am on there now, mainly because I use Facebook Marketplace. But I rarely post. Maybe 3 times a year. Fortunately most of my friends have fallen out with Facebook too and rarely post now, so I don't get upset like before or feel like I'm missing anything. I also unfollowed a few people.

daisychain01 · 31/12/2023 09:19

@Tolkienista I came of Fb when my DH had a cancer scare. It did my head in and I needed to focus 100% on DH's needs, and Fb became a distraction.

One of the deciding factors was a former colleague I'd connect with showed themselves to be a nasty racist bigot, which shocked me, but was a good indicator that people's behaviour changes massively when they get behind a keyboard and they show you who they really are.

I never went back to Fb and I've never missed it.

notacooldad · 31/12/2023 09:25

I love Facebook but I hardly see the posts you are describing OP.
I follow bands record labels music venues and activities that I do.
I usually post a funny meme.
I like seeing posts with my friends and their grand kids or their holiday photos.
For one of my friends it's been a life line aa she was bed ridden for nearly two years with her illness and it gave her joy and helped pass the time as she was alone in the house for most parts of the day while her husband eas working
I think your expierence is down to the type of friends you have.

WestendGrrls · 31/12/2023 09:26

I don't see that many of my friends posts as I'm in a lot of groups based on topics I'm interested in and these seem to doninate my feed.

Maybe its my age but I don't have a load of posers on my list anyway, and if anyone is getting a bit annoying or try hard I just unfollow them.

Like others I do quite enjoy seeing other people's holidays and milestones. There are one or two I might occasionally roll my eyes at but the boast posts are easy to spot and see for what they are I think.

idontlikealdi · 31/12/2023 09:49

Didn't realise people still posted on Facebook. Mine is all adverts and community pages.

festivetinseling · 31/12/2023 09:50

My facebook is largely to do with hobby groups I'm in, but there's two friends of mine who incessantly post updates about the lovely time they are having in restaurants, at rock concerts, on holiday somewhere exotic yet again. Even when they're not doing anything they still post 'remember this?' stuff. Gets on my nerves something chronic.

OldTinHat · 31/12/2023 09:58

I wasted far, far too much time on FB, almost competing in a way. Got rid of it and Instagram 7yrs ago and haven't missed them once.

I've replaced all that wasted scrolling time on here instead!

Tartantatooes · 31/12/2023 09:59

Only really have family on mine . My profile is well locked down and my profile picture is a flower . It helps stay in touch with family scattered about the country plus I have been in touch with people I probably would not have seen again due to moving abroad. I had coffee recently with one old school friend and I said if it wasn't for FB we would not be sat here together. I Al selective who I allow as a FB friend and only post positive things.

yhk · 31/12/2023 10:03

I'm not on any social media. I deleted my Facebook profile in 2016.

From what I gathered, people will only post about the good things in their lives, even when they were struggling in other aspects.

If a person is going through a depression and constantly sees the show off "look at my new house/car/holiday/relationship" posts on their feed, it will make them question why these things aren't happening to them.

In my opinion, social media is a complete facade. Generally, people won't post about the negatives in their life. You won't see posts that somebody has stepped in dog shit on their way to the office, or that they have discovered their spouse in bed with another person. People won't post that their new car costs them £450 a month on a lease, or that they have maxed out a credit card on a luxurious holiday.

It's bullshit.

Mojodojocasahaus · 31/12/2023 10:03

Don’t go on Instagram op 😄

SutWytTi · 31/12/2023 10:06

HoldMeCloserTonyDancer · 31/12/2023 08:55

Like a lot of social media ie Instagram no one can be seen to be shitting out. I’ve noticed this has now spilled over into real life. Everyone has got an answer for everything and by that I mean excuses, reasons and back chat. Everything everyone does is fabulous and amazing. It’s fake as fuck and where has humility gone. SM has a lot to answer for

Agree with this. The curated lifestyle has leaked out from SM. But also it was ever thus, there have always been people who stay behind a veneer (and we all do a bit).

You have to hold onto honest friends for dear life! Real life has ups and downs.

WhyMeWhyNowWhyNot · 31/12/2023 10:13

Really intriguing to see some saying they’ve left Facebook in favour of Instagram - as a PP said I find Insta much worse for crushing my self esteem. 😬

So many of my friends use insta now that it does mean it’s helped me cut my time on Facebook as no one posts on there anymore 😄

Spacemoon · 31/12/2023 10:13

I think it depends on what you make of it, how often you go on and also, how happy you are in your own life. For example, I used to get so wound up on there, would scroll aimlessly for hours, annoyed at everyone's 'perfect' lives - but at that time in my life I was struggling mentally and dealing with some personal issues. I don't think social media is good for anyone who isn't feeling their best.

I deleted it and didn't have it for 4 or 5 years, but then had to get an account back for work purposes late last year. I was honestly dreading it and made sure I made a fresh new account and only added people I am close with. I've found it doesn't bother me at all now. I am however in a good place. On days when I'm not feeling great, I simply don't log in. I don't go on often in general, even on good days. Just have a quick flick through once or twice a week catching up on what people have been up to, check some info in a couple of useful groups etc and then log off and don't pop back on again for a good while.

It's not just FB, but all social media. Social media can be highly addictive and is terrible for people who have a natural habit of comparing their life to others. It can be a very useful tool, but only in small amounts and if the person using it is in a good place.

Giraff3 · 31/12/2023 10:19

I gave up facebook in 2018. As i also didnt feel like i had the same life as others. It used to upset me comparing. So i disabled my account and have never looked back.
Plus reading peoples drama / daily updates, it got a bit like a daily soap.
Alot happier not knowing what people are up to in their life, i stay in my own lane

notacooldad · 31/12/2023 12:51

I'm not sure what kind of friends some of you have that have loads of drama and fake lives!
My friends are straight forward with no dirty washing done in public.

Blinkityblonk · 31/12/2023 12:55

I've noticed not many of my friends post on there anymore, the odd one or two if they go for a nice walk with their families, but it's not a sea of Christmases anymore. No-one I know would post about their new car or new house, just the odd picture of their (usually older now) children. I do use Messenger a lot though.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 31/12/2023 12:56

MotherOfUnicorns4 · 30/12/2023 22:46

You can deactivate Facebook and still use messenger. I’ve deactivated for a while as it had become an annoyance. I get no positivity whatsoever from it and am not missing it one bit!

I did do that but when I got a new phone in autumn last year I couldn’t do this. I tried a few times to use messenger without FB but it wouldn’t let me!

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 31/12/2023 12:58

So many of my friends post the huge family house, huge perfectly decorated tree and masses of presents under it.

So this year as my first back on Facebook for a few years I did that, lovely tree, lots of presents (unopened). Cue loads of people liking my post, loving my tree. And then people messaging me asking me questions, had I moved? And so on. I ignored most of them! Let them guess.

TheresaCrowd · 31/12/2023 13:00

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 31/12/2023 12:58

So many of my friends post the huge family house, huge perfectly decorated tree and masses of presents under it.

So this year as my first back on Facebook for a few years I did that, lovely tree, lots of presents (unopened). Cue loads of people liking my post, loving my tree. And then people messaging me asking me questions, had I moved? And so on. I ignored most of them! Let them guess.

I ignored most of them! Let them guess.

Eh? Why?

Sorry to be dim but I'm not sure why you wouldn't just answer?

AliceOlive · 31/12/2023 13:04

notacooldad · 31/12/2023 12:51

I'm not sure what kind of friends some of you have that have loads of drama and fake lives!
My friends are straight forward with no dirty washing done in public.

Here’s how bad SM has made things: I read your post as bragging about how superior you are and as disparaging of anyone who doesn’t have all perfect and wonderful friends.

Is that how you meant it?

CheezePleeze · 31/12/2023 13:07

AliceOlive · 31/12/2023 13:04

Here’s how bad SM has made things: I read your post as bragging about how superior you are and as disparaging of anyone who doesn’t have all perfect and wonderful friends.

Is that how you meant it?

Show quote history

You can't blame SM for that.

How you choose to interpret things is very much your own problem.

TheMotherSide · 31/12/2023 13:19

I think it has a lot to do with how transparent you are about your own life, and whether you surround yourself with others who similarly value openness and authentic connection.

I am a very open book; friends, family, colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances all get the same version of me. I don't necessarily 'put myself out there', but if anyone asks me about my life, I answer as plainly and openly as I can. Why not? Most people I know are nice enough people. Hence, on Facebook, although I'm not a natural poster, I engage with FB friends' offerings in good faith and enjoy their sharing. Occasionally, I might wonder whether a post may be a bit 'curated', but then I assume they have their reasons. And that's fine.