Facebook......a timely reminder of why I left 5 years ago.

[Tolkienista]

It's exactly 5 years since I last posted on FB, coinciding with me moving house. I was done with feeling that I didn't live up to the perfect lives everyone seemed to be portraying, always felt worse after trawling through my friends feed.
I've never deactivated my account because I use Messenger as a way of keeping in touch with people I was friends with on FB.

So, in the last hour I decided to log in to my account (spur of the moment decision) and spent about 5 mins max scrolling down my feed & honestly it brought me right back again to feeling inadequate. Totally ridiculous I know, couldn't wait to get off it.

Am I the only one who feels this way? it's shocked me, didn't think I'd feel so negative about something so many people love.
I think what comes out of it for me, is that I like the one to one connection I have on Messenger or small group chats, basically private conversations.
But on FB this evening it really felt like look at me, look at me, isn't my life wonderful.........id love to hear what others feel.

Before I set up my business I did job hop a fair bit and therefore many fb 'friends' were actually ex employees from my previous array of jobs and had no real interest in seeing again or them for meeting me again either. So the majority weren't really friends in the true sense of the word.

What hurt me a bit more in the end about fb was people who I felt were closer friends seemed to like posts in lieu of staying in touch. I think my life had moved on and we'd moved a fair distance away and despite trying to stay in touch with several good friends, the distance and business of lives meant that the friendships didn't survive sadly. The likes of posts instead of returning texts / calls did sting which is another reason why I left.

Here’s how bad SM has made things: I read your post as bragging about how superior you are and as disparaging of anyone who doesn’t have all perfect and wonderful friends

Is that how you meant it?

I meant it as I said it.

Years ago there was a lot of bullshitters on but these were acquaintances, usually through a sport or something. Once you get rid of the nonsense and keep your true friends there it's easier to keep in touch with the people who mean something to you.

I guess. Or else constantly seeing people brag, complain and criticize others has made me more cognizant of it. 😂

I unfollowed all of my Facebook friends. Sometimes I will have a look but mostly I just go to the groups I am part of. There are tonnes of groups on Facebook for all sorts of hobbies and interests. I love those and post regularly.

I just looked at my FB for the first time in a long time. I last posted on there in 2019. None of my friends or relatives seem to use it now either.

That sounds really simple and I’m happy it’s working for you.

What works for me is not using SM except to communicate with people I care about. That sometimes includes people who use it in a strange or imperfect way.

I’m not going to de-friend the family member that posts passive aggressively when she’s upset; I just mute her. I’m not disconnecting with the high school friends that post about how much they love their husband or overshare constantly. I just let the algorithm work. And I basically never post anything myself.

Just remove/unfollow or don't accept toxic people. Not everything is fake on facebook.
I personally like knowing when my friends are happy.

I stopped when I had one friend constantly posting bathing suit and work out pics of herself while hawking an MLM and another from the same friend group posting about her upcoming weight loss surgery. It was just so uncomfortable thinking about how the one struggling must feel seeing the other who is definitely genetically blessed constantly patting herself on the back for her hard work. Both are decent and sincere people but I think the SM culture influences their behavior.

Currently banned from even posting on my own page after I called someone a dickhead (yes really - after he was quoting Andrew tate at me) so have deactivated. Just so you know you can have a deactivated Facebook - or no Facebook at all - but still be able to use Messenger

Seriously? It sounds like you deserve an award!
My friend’s mom had her FB account hacked and we have been unable to recover it.

I don't use SM but some people I love do. I like to see how are they doing every now and them. Not for me but help me to be in touch with people is far from where I am.

I find facebook very 'busy' and I don't enjoy it at all. I think it has it's pluses, but it feels to me like everyone just broadcasting out into the void. It's not for me (MN is my only vice)

@AliceOlive ok I'll admit that it's not the first punishment I've had but the first where I haven't even been able to post on my own page... a previous incident involved me not being able to message anyone for 3 days after using the word moron! I'm an advocate for DV and SA survivors and there is genuinely so many men out there who think it's ok to claim women deserve it, are gold diggers, should obey, how can you rape your own wife? Etc etc etc

I've just come back to my post in the last hour and still reading through everybody's comments. I'm about half way through.
Very interesting.

Let me just clarify something, one of the reasons I kept my account is that I'm on the local area FB page, it's been invaluable for finding out what's happening in my area (road closures, local crime updates) found a great carpenter on there and an electrician and brick layer too.

I will never go back onto my personal page & interestingly none of my really close friends that I'm in touch with are on FB.
Most of my FB friends are relatives or ex work colleagues.

I think it’s changed slightly, so when you now deactivate you can choose a password for logging in to messenger. I might be wrong though!

I don't post an awful lot on Facebook anymore as I got little bored with it particularly all the adverts and it seems harder to actually see what your friends are up to these days (unless of course they are the same as me and not posting much). I've never felt inadequate though when seeing other people's lives although I'm aware that it can have that affect though as a couple of friends have mentioned this.

I like to look back on the memories though and remember fun times I've had so I do see it as almost like a diary more than anything that other people happen to be able to read (if they want too).

I stay off Twitter/X as that seems like it can be quite nasty from things DH has shown me on his I think as others have said social media is what you want it to be

I like the groups that I'm on
I have got a ninja Speedi and the fb page is fabulous.
I do a lot of stuff in the Lake District so the mountaineer and mountain bike pages are reall6 helpful and like a community.
I love having the venues I go to on fb as well. I said before, same as the record labels I follow. I love discovering new bands so it's an easy way if keeping up.
I do some exercise challenges on fb as well.
It's not all bad. To me it's just a tool that you choose how to use it and make it work for you.

@TheresaCrowd

I absolutely love seeing the pics of her and her dog visiting various UK heritage sites, yet a friend of ours deleted her for 'showing off'

I guess one person's happiness can be another person's trigger for a variety of reasons.

THIS

I just had a quick look my FB

No fake posts that I could see.

One friend on holiday in a group - historical location- very interesting

Another Something about a new food recipe

Half a dozen Happy New Years!

One lady recently had a 3 week's holiday- loved seeing her pics.

Other people's joy doesn't overshadow the joy in my life - it enhances it.

Weird

It really does depend on who you’re friends with, what pages you follow, and which groups you join…I massively streamlined my friend list a couple of years ago as I’d previously accepted requests from acquaintances and it turned out I’m really not that interested. I log in a couple of times a week now and most of my feed is useful, informative content regarding topics I’m either interested in or need to stay current on for whatever reason. Curating my account to how I liked it, so the algorithm did its thing, worked for me.

Hmmmm... my FBk feed today, 1st 20 items in default feed:

1 'Memory' from 6 yrs ago
2 Jolly happy NY post to all, from acquaintence
3 Local notice board post, by a local, about a local-origin person who had great professional year
4 Sunrise pic (just the sunrise), 1st of 2024
5 Regional hobby group, query about lost equipment
6 Feel-Good Joke from a 19 yr old
7 Advert, '2023 Photobook'
8 Hobby sports regional group, admitting defeat on today's outing due to conditions
9 Work related specialist group, someone asking advice on how to solve an issue
(B) 10 Slow AF running group "Look at me out running with my concealed gun"
11 Hobby sports regional group, today trip
12 Adobe photoshop advert
13 Regional Hobby group, asking for campsite recommendations
14 Community group, who wants to join my new singing group, query?
15 Repeat from sunrise guy, pretty sunrise pic
16 Local notice board: can someone move a caravan for me?

17 Film advert
18 Statement by step-sister about how to live (philosophy)
19 Running club results (DS is member, not me)
20 'Have you seen my missing cat' on notice board

I suppose item (B) is bragging, fair enough, it's literally the most personal post anyone made by far. That is a good people watching group. They had a whole thread about conceal carry while out running, previously. Have I missed a fake or brag among the others?

Delete the friends. Just join groups you are interested in.

The FB "feed" is actually a horrible way to interact with a group, but it's better than nothing. You can still connect with people with the same interests or follow local groups for news.

This.

My fb friends are a combination of friends, contacts through my hobby, my children's school friends' parents, and work colleagues past and present.

No fake posts on mine either.

An ex colleague of mine recently had a baby. Her life, family and first baby experience are so different to mine - I know it's genuine and her posts are heart warming. I never feel inadequate or resentful that I missed out. It's beautiful to see the utter joy and contentment on her exhausted face.

An old friend/neighbour had treatment for cancer and received the all clear last year. It's lovely to see her improved health and the holidays she's taking now.

A lot of them post about their children's successes- everything from the one who has finally found a suitable school for her autistic child who had been excluded from 3 schools by year 1 and the one whose children all achieved first class degrees to the ones proudly sharing dance competition successes. I don't feel their success detracts from me or children either.

I don't feel envious when I see other people's happy lives. I'm content in my own and I love seeing other people happy and living happy lives.

I really understand this. I had a social media break for this reason. I was/am very lonely and seeing photos of everyone out (friends that never bother to invite me) really upsets me. I find my life improves when I stay off social media. I don’t count mumsnet as social media, it’s a vital help and advice forum I feel and love the anonymity of it.

Well surely that's more about who you're friends with.of you're friends are all self centered attention seekers posting fake perfect lives crap, I'm not surprised you feel like this.