How to cope with all the sitting around when family visit?

[Thematic]

I've had three days where various members of my and my husbands extended family have been visiting, and I feel like i'm losing my mind with all the aimless sitting around and smalltalk we've been doing. When the kids were younger it was so much easier when people visited as they were a lot more distracting, and kept us busy - there was always something to do, but now they are tweens and teens they don't take up much time. So moving forward I need to find a new way to be with the family that stops me feeling a bit depressed throughout the whole visit.

I'm not exactly an introvert, but I like my own company (or at least to have the ability to make my own choices about what I do with my time) and I'm very independent and tend to like social interactions in fairly short bursts. I'm also terrible at keeping still and doing nothing, so these long days of Christmas visits is definitely a challenge for me. The various parents are fit but in their late 70's so we can't do anything too energetic with them any more. But they won't read a book or watch tv when they visit, and so we just end up sitting round the kitchen table making endless smalltalk which is absolutely my worst nightmare. But I'm also quite a polite person and don't like just going off and doing my own thing as I'm aware that seems rude.

What does everyone else do? What would you do if you were me in the circumstances? We aren't a boardgame playing family so that's probably not something we'd do to stay occupied. But I need something to do please!

Jigsaw?

(shitloads of wine?)

drink!

I am you. I do a lot of washing up for a solo break. Does anyone have a dog you need to walk?

I have been known to close my eyes in pretend sleep and actually fall asleep. The hours fly by.

Try and get everyone out for a walk

Can you knit? I’m not kidding, it’s perfect for situations like this.

same here. So hard. 80 something parents and my db and sil who are v lethargic. I love them dearly but wish we could do something together. They all just basically nod off after lunch. I tend to clean up, prep the next meal and have a little cry in the bathroom. They have just left for the day and I feel so drained.

someone else may come up with better ideas!

I’m exactly the same. In laws live so far away that we can’t just visit for a few hours, it’s usually a few days. I really like my in laws, but all we do when we visit all we do is sit and talk. After the first day I could scream! This is nothing about not wanting to spend time with them. My legs get restless and I feel twitchy!!

We now stay in a hotel so I can spend a bit less time sat and I offer to walk their large dog which doesn’t seem to get a lot of walks. DH doesn’t seem to have the same problem as I do with sitting around for days.

Visits to our house I find easier as I can escape for 5 minutes to the bedroom, go and wash the dishes etc. I also plan visits to us around food and trips out to local cafes. It’s taken DH a while to understand that it’s not that I don’t want to see his parents, it’s all the bloody sitting and small talk that I can’t cope with.

If the visits are to you can you time them around a light meal or buffet to break it up a bit for you?

Card games and quizzes
noone needs to move out of their seat but it keeps everyone occupied.
I’m frustrated- can’t watch any tv I like because DM talks or snores all the way through. I just went and made a pan of chilli as an excuse to get away.

Yup yup yup. We have a whole week ahead as we are visiting. I call it the whistle stop cup of tea tour.

Dull as f**k. Kids hate it as much as me... shall be insisting on lots of walks or trips to cafes for a coffee out of someone's living room wherever possible.

But they won't read a book or watch tv when they visit, and so we just end up sitting round the kitchen table making endless smalltalk which is absolutely my worst nightmare.

Why?

Can you at least get them to sit on the sofa so you can sit and read/flick through a magazine/sew/play the violin/anything and they can talk among themselves if they refuse to read/watch TV?

I’m currently sewing. But I pop out.

I think you've ruled out the things people do to break up the time:
A walk
Board games
Parlour games

We're not much of a games family either and the elder generations aren't up for a walk but we're happy to watch a few movies together and play cards. Plus regular snacks and drinks.

I agree. We used to knit or sew in companionable quiet.

I totally get what you mean! Drives me crazy. My trick this year is to have a jigsaw going. This is mainly for me (rather than them), but at least I have something to do while the chatting is happening. Also, a walk made a big difference this year.

Go feed the goats for 2 hours and ask if anyone wants to join you and then let Alpha goat free range. It works, trust me.

This kills me. My husband's family had a tradition which genuinely made me see red mist - a nice long boxing day walk, except the men walk' the women sit at home with the children and 'have a 'lovely comfortable coze' whil all colour fades from the universe and we all die of the total fucking tedium.

Absolutely hellish.

My brain snapped in year two once I had realised what was jntended and refused ever to cross the county border again. Now they invite themselves here and twat on at my kids about how 'mummies get so busy they can't sit down with us, don't they?' tinkly laugh

To which 'mummies' go and swig port in the shed and read pages of Madame Bovary until they fuck right off

@JennyForeigner thank you for that hilarious post, I laughed out loud. Hope you're enjoying Madame B

Presuming you mean during the day, I'd have gone for a walk.

"I need some fresh air and to move a bit so am going for a walk. Anyone want to come ?"
Odds are they won't, so you get 90mins to yourself, but even if they do, at least you are moving and get a bit of fresh air.

Having a jigsaw going on a table where anyone can sit down and do a bit, or a big crossword or something where you can say "ah now you're here, maybe you'll know this..." something with purpose but no repercussion.

Or stretching your legs for a walk, as PP suggested, someone might come but a walk in companionable silence is slightly easier than stilted small talk

I just fuck off for a walk on my own or make myself busy with jobs. Or if I'm training for a marathon I'll schedule some long runs for this festive period as an excuse to escape.

I don't see why everyone needs to suddenly just sit around just because people are visiting. I don't like walking with others as I walk fast and they walk slow. I like my own company and being on my own. Sure, sit with them for a bit but there's nothing to stop you doing your own thing.

I'm glad it's not me who gets so frustrated with this !

My dad stayed over this year. He has form for being domineering and dominating. But interestingly, he does as he's told in my house. This meant we got to watch some Xmas day specials in peace, with a firm "we don't talk while watching x", whilst keeping him topped up with wine.

And just as I wrote that he said he hasn't had a night like this since February- where he gets to sit and chill and talk to people. I think he's really enjoyed himself.

@JennyForeigner I so recognise this, I remember my MIL saying how worried she was that I must have been lonely the one evening I snuck off to read while staying at their house. I have been thinking about her quite a lot this Christmas and how she would have enjoyed seeing the kids growing up, but god I do not miss the endless sitting around talking about absolute nothing, I would want to cry with boredom.