How to cope with all the sitting around when family visit?

[Thematic]

I've had three days where various members of my and my husbands extended family have been visiting, and I feel like i'm losing my mind with all the aimless sitting around and smalltalk we've been doing. When the kids were younger it was so much easier when people visited as they were a lot more distracting, and kept us busy - there was always something to do, but now they are tweens and teens they don't take up much time. So moving forward I need to find a new way to be with the family that stops me feeling a bit depressed throughout the whole visit.

I'm not exactly an introvert, but I like my own company (or at least to have the ability to make my own choices about what I do with my time) and I'm very independent and tend to like social interactions in fairly short bursts. I'm also terrible at keeping still and doing nothing, so these long days of Christmas visits is definitely a challenge for me. The various parents are fit but in their late 70's so we can't do anything too energetic with them any more. But they won't read a book or watch tv when they visit, and so we just end up sitting round the kitchen table making endless smalltalk which is absolutely my worst nightmare. But I'm also quite a polite person and don't like just going off and doing my own thing as I'm aware that seems rude.

What does everyone else do? What would you do if you were me in the circumstances? We aren't a boardgame playing family so that's probably not something we'd do to stay occupied. But I need something to do please!

My in laws are like this too, except the small talk is politics so inevitably there’s an argument. We can’t play games because certain family members cheat.

theres 3 young primary age kids so I take them to the park but if you dare suggest a different park you get daggers shot at you.

Luckily DH is starting to agree it’s boring AF. At least my family allow tv and are happy in companionable silence watching football which we all love.

I have a dog so go "just taking the dog for a walk" then ring my best friend on the walk and unwind 😅🙈

What would you normally do every day?
Or is all your time full of "doing"?

games are the answer i think
or go for a rest upstairs

or take up vaping in the garden.

I agree its difficult... part of the issue in my family is that my elderly mother lives alone and loves to talk, but like a PP said the talk often up about politics and my pet hate is armchair politicians who think they know the answer to government issues and world peace .

I usually insist on going for a walk, on my own if necessary, or spending endless time sorting out in the kitchen. Fortunately we are a board game playing family so that helps.

But I have at least managed to keep the Christmas visit short ... just five hours yesterday and no one staying over. Today I am doing some volunteering.. everyone thinks I am "so kind" to give up Boxing Day .. I just need a good reason to get out of visiting

I could have written this! It makes me so frustrated I could cry. Sorry no magic answer. I tend to just do lots of clearing up etc. Better with kids or dogs because it’s an excuse to go out. I often just go for a walk alone too

take a book, or a crossword, or a sudoku

I know this so well- we live in a different country from our families and when the older members of the family came, it was exactly like this. Endless cups of tea and it was always raining outside. Bizarrely now they are too old/ have died, I feel so regretful and wish I could have made it better for everyone…but it is an impossible situation.

Oh my god I used to hate this so much with ex DH's family. I look back now on the YEARS of 'sitting' I endured. I could never control my expression. It was one of the very top aspects of getting divorced that I no longer need to sit through that. I would be planning my let's leave comment for ages then when I would make it and stand up, everyone would just keep talking including ex DH. Awful.

moderator Please remove previous entry , wasn't meant to reply , sorry

Jigsaw
board game
crossword
quiz with questions written by guests
looking through old photo albums
sewing or knitting
veg preparation
TV
drinks and snacks
facetiming other relatives
going for a walk

Well my tactic yesterday was to get pissed to get through it … regretting that this morning though!

I'll never forget the time I found a nice brainteaser for us, so bored was I of the sitting and small talk. It was a painting of lots of things, and each one was a clue to a London tube station (my family are from London). "Brilliant" thought I, "a fun thing we can puzzle over together. I bet even Auntie Depressant will like it!" I proudly showed it to Auntie Depressant, and she said "Well, that looks very nice dear. I'm sure I'd like to have a go at that sometime, but not now". Back to sitting and small talk.....🤦‍♀️

My guests don’t mind if I take myself off for a walk for a bit, after all, isn’t Christmas about everyone enjoying themselves, each to their own and all that 🎄

We do play games but mil is VERY competitive …. I remember one year she shouted at DD “you’re out, you’ve lost, you need to get down from the table, you can’t play anymore …”

give her a break, she’s 4 and it’s Christmas Day 🤦‍♀️

The tedium is real. When they visit our house there is no compromise, despite twinkly lights and lamps carefully thought out to relax they put the overhead light on and read their paper. I can amuse myself or read a book but no tv goes on . The only times I've forced it for the kids was painful like they were watching animals in a zoo or something. They are better when out so walks are essential no matter how short and mealtimes they are more compliant (and I can drink wine)

Wow , brutal!

I hear you OP. It's mind numbing and so claustrophobic. Totally agree with everyone else who said to stop being so 'polite' and take yourself out for a walk - 'Im off out, back in a bit, help yourselves to anything in the kitchen' and then go. DO NOT ask if anyone wants to come with you, just disappear

MIL came to stay with us years ago for an August bank holiday weekend. She didn't want to go anywhere, didn't want to eat out, just wanted to sit in the living room and watch Deal Or No Deal all the livelong day. That was the weekend that I learned what the phrase 'bored to tears' meant for real

I "nip out to the shop for errands" and do lots of washing up by hand even though we have a dishwasher

This is exactly why l don't have guests over, l find it all so boring.
I am very much an outdoors person, and an off for a walk shortly, then l can just potter before going over to see my sister for couple of hours.
I only have four days off and not prepared to clean frantically and run around everyone else. Now l just suit myself.

Feel your pain. I went into another room and ironed yesterday. Best part of the day!!.

I am so glad I’m NC with mine.

had daughter with me - 16 plus and we have slunk around in PJ watching Netflix and knitting and reading and done an extremely long dog walk in the pouring torrential rain each day. Fancy a snack cheese and biscuits. Fancy a game of uno - yep.

For those of you stuck I would suggest podcasts, AirPods and long hair to cover them and a book or knitting.

My inlaws love games, especially games of a performative nature, charades, pictionary etc. They are quite into their am-dram so it seems at times they are trying to audition for the royal Shakespeare company. I loathe it and usually hide in the kitchen where I secretly pray for a meteor strike.