How to cope with all the sitting around when family visit?

[Thematic]

I've had three days where various members of my and my husbands extended family have been visiting, and I feel like i'm losing my mind with all the aimless sitting around and smalltalk we've been doing. When the kids were younger it was so much easier when people visited as they were a lot more distracting, and kept us busy - there was always something to do, but now they are tweens and teens they don't take up much time. So moving forward I need to find a new way to be with the family that stops me feeling a bit depressed throughout the whole visit.

I'm not exactly an introvert, but I like my own company (or at least to have the ability to make my own choices about what I do with my time) and I'm very independent and tend to like social interactions in fairly short bursts. I'm also terrible at keeping still and doing nothing, so these long days of Christmas visits is definitely a challenge for me. The various parents are fit but in their late 70's so we can't do anything too energetic with them any more. But they won't read a book or watch tv when they visit, and so we just end up sitting round the kitchen table making endless smalltalk which is absolutely my worst nightmare. But I'm also quite a polite person and don't like just going off and doing my own thing as I'm aware that seems rude.

What does everyone else do? What would you do if you were me in the circumstances? We aren't a boardgame playing family so that's probably not something we'd do to stay occupied. But I need something to do please!

Had to sit on Xmas Day, once lunch and clearing away was done, for HOURS as we had 83 year old father in law here.

once he glued himself to Call The Midwife 🙄 (with subtitles 😃) I managed to set up some new items in our bedroom: new lamps, throw, candles, etc and then find other jobs to do 😆

Well, there is always the chance that we are obliviously torturing our nearest and dearest just by being present. I don't think that's what is going on, but then, I would say that, wouldn't I?

I guess I was trying to make a point which is pretty annoying to a lot of people- sometimes groups of people create the dynamic described in the OP, like when your close friends bring their dreary husbands or sulky teenagers along and suddenly it's hard to talk about anything. If you are bored and irritable, and the person visiting means nothing to you, maybe conversation would be less tedious in your absence.

Think about what you want to do and do it.

Want to go for a walk? Go for one
Need a change of scenery? Go. Invite them somewhere theres a cafe they can camp out in but go anyway if they don't want to come
Want to read a book? Bugger off to your room and read. Or jump in the car with it and head somewhere you can have the headspace to read.

If people are with you for days that's totally different to hosting for a few hours and I'd expect them to have some independence.
Set the tone now for next year and maybe they'll think ahead and bring activities they can do that they enjoy.

I used to hate this at the inlaws. As pp said it was easier when the kids were small as they need to go to the park or play games. Last year I decided it was enough so I send DH alone to the inlaws. My parents both died recently so I don't see why I should have to keep up this tedious practice of sitting in a stuffy room for 12 hours of discussion about strictly (I don't watch strictly) or whatsever the Daily Fails latest victim is. Utter bliss now the whole christmas season is relatively restful.

OP here. Sadly in our case, it's generally a series of different visitors, all for 3-5 hours at a time, rather than one set of long stay visitors sleeping here overnight. So I can't even escape as they're individually not here for long enough. Quite a lot of it is in the evenings too so not really walking time of day. I know I'm probably being really ungrateful as I get at least some time to myself, but three days of sitting all evening, drinking and eating with a succession of different relatives, and I've just got no conversation left.

We are very lucky that our family lives 20 minutes away-not so far that they need to stay over but far enough that they need to 'set off before it gets dark'.

I try and keep things short and sweet. Arrive at 11, tea and a chat then I'm busy in the kitchen. Early lunch at 12, then I announce 'let's find a film to watch while we let our lunch go down', people can then watch the film or chat over it. I leave dessert until half way through the film, that's another excuse to potter about a bit. A final announcement of 'would you like another cup of tea before head off' and it's done. Thankfully they don't over stay their welcome.