How to cope with all the sitting around when family visit?

[Thematic]

I've had three days where various members of my and my husbands extended family have been visiting, and I feel like i'm losing my mind with all the aimless sitting around and smalltalk we've been doing. When the kids were younger it was so much easier when people visited as they were a lot more distracting, and kept us busy - there was always something to do, but now they are tweens and teens they don't take up much time. So moving forward I need to find a new way to be with the family that stops me feeling a bit depressed throughout the whole visit.

I'm not exactly an introvert, but I like my own company (or at least to have the ability to make my own choices about what I do with my time) and I'm very independent and tend to like social interactions in fairly short bursts. I'm also terrible at keeping still and doing nothing, so these long days of Christmas visits is definitely a challenge for me. The various parents are fit but in their late 70's so we can't do anything too energetic with them any more. But they won't read a book or watch tv when they visit, and so we just end up sitting round the kitchen table making endless smalltalk which is absolutely my worst nightmare. But I'm also quite a polite person and don't like just going off and doing my own thing as I'm aware that seems rude.

What does everyone else do? What would you do if you were me in the circumstances? We aren't a boardgame playing family so that's probably not something we'd do to stay occupied. But I need something to do please!

Oh dear god @TheCadoganArms . I think I would rather try to cope with the mind numbing tedium than endure that. I would be cringing myself inside out 🤦🏻‍♂️

Am currently on day 2 of this with my family. No one wants to do anything except drink, which starts early so everyone is pissed by mid afternoon. This coupled with board games / enforced fun is my worst nightmare. I can’t escape as everyone gets pissy about it. Can’t wait to go home tomorrow

Quizzes and card games work! Gives everyone something else to talk about.

otherwise, can you split into groups so the younger fitter folk go for a walk and the oldies stay in?

Is there a park nearby where the dc can go and play football?

I sneaked off to join the tweens playing Mario Kart/Golden Eye while the "adults" sit around making small talk for hours. I'll take the younger family members out for a walk/game of frisbee or something later.

I have found my people! This sitting around making small talk does my head in. Plus it's my only time off over Christmas so instead of enjoying myself I'm doing this.

So far I have unloaded the dishwasher very very slowly, done some singing in the kitchen (keeps them away), refilled the bird feeder. Again very slowly. Been to check the neighbour's house is ok (they're away and asked us to!). Three times. Nearly had a fight with DH over who had the luxury of escaping to buy newspapers this morning.

I just seem to have lost the ability to chat. I was worried last night that I might be becoming mute. Our festive visits started late November with my family - they all talk amongst themselves, so I was able to sit back and enjoy just being with them. But every weekend since then has been a different group and I just lack chat now. I was at work last week and a colleague joined me at the water cooler, and all I could offer up was a comment that we were at the water cooler. With our company over Christmas I was dry as the desert. Grasping at straws, if I'm backed into a corner I'm likely to start commenting on the carpet.

Auntie Depressant 😂

This is a nightmare. There has to be tv, music, games to break it up! I also find jobs to do and excuses to go have a toilet break, walk dog etc
This idea of just sitting for days making chitchat makes me feel so suffocated.

This

I cooked yesterday and DH was to wash up, but I volunteered to do that too just get some time on my own listening to an audio book. I went a solo walk in the morning too.

Haha! Obviously terrible behaviour, but also hilarious. Poor 4 yo!

Mad isn't it.. it should be relaxing time off.

😂😂

I don’t mind these boring days so much now, I used to feel like I was going to explode with having to sit still for so long, the stuffy air, the conversation I’m not interested in, people who get on my nerves after two hours etc. but I think now I don’t have time to talk to my older relatives during the year, it’s so busy, and now I just sit and talk about whatever they want because I feel like I owe it to them in some sort of karmic balance. They won’t be alive for long and it’s not too much for a few days. Sometimes they say something really interesting or funny and I store it up to tell my husband later.

That made me laugh I'm afraid. There was me yesterday letting the little one cheat because I was scared of the fallout. At least your dd is learning you can't always win.

If any of these relationships mean anything to either of you, give that person time alone with the elderly relative. Small talk is usually what happens when people are not actually interested in one another. If I am alone with my own kids the conversation is real, not superficial and petty. Sometimes the presence of DILs who think their MIL is a bore can make every conversation into a tedious bit of superficial misery.

I'm not sure about that. Sometimes small talk is just what you have to go through before getting to the juicy subjects.

@Gwenhwyfar Haha well sure!
But if juicy subjects were in the offing people wouldn't be complaining so bitterly.
I just wish that people who hate sitting and talking to me would go do their own thing so I can have a real and interesting conversation with the people who actually like to talk to me (there people do exist).

I'm the opposite.

I want to sit and relax and talk at Christmas. But I'm surrounded by people who can't sit still so I'm just left alone & lonely most of the day.

Can't you just talk to people for one day?

Last time I broke through the small talk barrier with my parents, it ended up in a massive row about (their) racism. I was pretty shocked by just how racist my dad was when he expressed himself frankly. That was a couple of years ago, and I haven't seen them since, so win win really.

This. I'm selfish and I don't care that I am. It's also my Christmas time and why should I waste my time/ feel miserable doing something I really don't want to. Luckily we aren't in this position though.

I sympathise- you don't realise this when you have young kids- as they prove a great distraction/entertainment etc and an opportunity to frequently say 'can you just excuse me'

Oh I have found my people too.

just back from family gathering. They all want to sit and talk about….shit. The gas bill and changing supplier. Home improvements. The car and whether an automatic is better than a manual. What David over the road’s roof man said. We never venture far from any of these topics.

All punctuated with ‘Now what I say is….’…’of course, what you don’t realise is…’ ‘Now Brian opposite said that…’

Basically a load of pompous shit, mainly articulated by ‘the men’ while the women are expected to faff around getting tea etc.

only lasted 2 hours today before head felt it would explode

Laughing out loud reading this. Sympathetic obvs but hilariously written 💪🏻🤣

Absolutely
Alcohol makes even the most boring people more interesting and conversations easier. Crack open the Prosecco!