I hit him first?

[UnhappySim]

I have been married for two years.

Last night me and DH were arguing, he was stood up and I was sitting on the bed.

All of a sudden he lost his temper and dived on me, pinning me to the bed and shouting in my face.

As soon as this happened I went into 'defence mode' and kicked him in the groin, as he loosened his grip on me I then punched him in the face. (It didn't seen like he felt that very much though).

I then got up from the bed and ran downstairs. I was upset by what I'd done as I 'didn't mean to'. I know how stupid that sounds, you don't kick someone by accident but I've been doing jujitsu for the past 3 years and escaping from ground pins are something we practice every now and again. I didn't think about it, I just went into defence mode and acted instictively. It's not as if I thought to myself "I know, I'll do that thing on him that we practice at jujitsu..." I honestly didnt think at all.

Anyway, a few minutes later I heard his heavy footsteps come charging down the stairs, the urgency in his step made me brace myself again and then the door burst open, he grabbed me by the throat and then slammed me against the wall. Obviously learning his lesson from last time he pushed up close against me so I couldn't do anything to him and he said "If you ever do anything like that to me again, I'll beat you black and blue". He then left the house.

My mind is all over the place, I know I hit him first but in a way it was kind of self defense but he never actually hit me at all...therefore I was the violent one? Therefore did he have the right to threaten me in temper?

He's NEVER been violent before, I always said if a man was ever violent towards me I'd leave but I always imagined it to be a straight foward hit, this is complicated and I'm not sure if I'm more in the wrong than he is

Well said 3NAB

yes, both apologising is something id say would be a neccessarry precursur to the talks you need to have. but you need to listen between the lines of what he says as well as to his words imo.

trust your gut.

Dabbies, if this is what you regard as acceptable, normal behaviour then I think you may need some outside perspective on your own life (not on this thread, necessarily, but from a doctor/counsellor or other independent person). Is anyone treating you like this?

I think I am showing perspective, I think eveyone else is over reacting!

If she had come on saying her dh had punched her in the face, then I would be agreeing with all of you.

btw, the op never came back... Troll? media??

Dabbles, i think you are underreacting.

dont think so. and dont tink this is an appropriate thread to start shouting troll...

"btw, the op never came back... Troll? media??"

Or feeling awful and not wanting to post atm?

Most of the advice on the thread is supportive and useful anyway, so what's the harm?

If she has left this thread it quite possibly could be through fear as most people are basically saying this may be the end and that is a scarey thought.

Oh, fgs, not everyone who posts and then doesn't come back within the hour is a troll. It's bloody unkind to start throwing accusations around without good reason.

And WTF would 'the media' be wanting with a thread like this?!

i refer you dabbles to the lady who threw bacon at her dh. she was called a troll too, untill mnhq confirmed that she was indeed a regular poster with an abusive h

I hope you are ok and I agree with the others who say get out now before he does some real damage.Dabbles is being antagonistic for the sake of it it seems as it is obvious violence and any sane person could see that.

Winnie, that's so sad. It must have taken you so much courage to do what you did. You should be proud.

I hope the op is ok.

I'm not a troll, I can't sit at the PC continuously, I have other stuff to do but I am checking on the replies and appreaciate the advice and comments.

He's never been violent before, neither of us have. To be honest, we've never really had much of an argument before either. This one just completely blew up, its the first time we've seen so differently on something.

He came back a few hours later, I was in bed reading and he stayed downstairs with the TV on. By the time he came to bed I was asleep. He got up early this morning and went to the gym before I woke up so although he has been back, we have not spoken.

I'd send you a big hug if I could. He really needs some anger management though, it's easy to go to far if he's done it before. You are a brave lady and you have done the right thing.

Because All Journos Are Evil, Edam

UnhappySim, can I ask if alcohol was involved at all?
Sometimes alcohol can make a stressful situation many times worse and could possibly explain his behaviour (not make it ok, but explain why he did something so out of character)

quite, MI.

Hit??

He attacked you!

You reacted.

This is not ambiguous.

If you have somewhere to go, go there. Tell him what happened was unnaccepable and his threat a complete deal breaker.

You must talk about this today. It can't be left.

You don't normally have to kick 'most' men in the balls to get them off you after they attack you, Dibbles.

WTF?

DP's reaction btw, wasn't sure if a man's view would be different.
He said if it was he and I arguing and he pinned me down he would expect, even deseve a kick in the balls and a punch.