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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

boyfriend cancelled on me on Christmas Eve

137 replies

letdownchristmas · 24/12/2023 17:53

I had plans to see my boyfriend tonight, he said he was cooking dinner and I'd bought nice breakfast stuff for Christmas morning and he has just cancelled on me saying that he has a had a busy day working and he still needs to have a shower and drive an hour to give his friend a lift to see his family as trains aren't running. I have turned down a family invite to spend time with him and I have expressed that I am unhappy with him and he is prioritising giving a grown adult man a lift who could sort out his own transport over seeing me. He just said well shit happens can't you just drive here in the morning? I said no as he lives 20 miles away and I'm not spending Christmas morning driving up and down the motorway as I'm having Christmas lunch with family. Am I being unreasonable to be furious with him?

OP posts:
AnneValentine · 26/12/2023 09:35

There’s no need for this level of drama. Or ghosting. Just be a grown up. It’s over. Ask him to post key through letter box or drop off.

akittencalledjesus · 26/12/2023 09:36

letdownchristmas · 26/12/2023 08:27

I can't afford to have the locks changed.

Yes, you can: you can DIY it by changing the barrel. Loads of YouTube instructions for it. You will need a ruler or measuring tape, screwdriver. Measure the barrel per the instructions. You can buy a new Yale barrel for about £25. B&Q, Screwfix and Toolstation all sell them.

B&Q instruction video:

M_

Well done for standing firm!

AnneValentine · 26/12/2023 09:37

NearlyMonday · 25/12/2023 20:28

i never understand the need to block someone (unless there has been violence) even if you do need to end the relationship

This. The guy is a tool but the drama here. Why?

akittencalledjesus · 26/12/2023 09:41

OP specifically explained re the blocking:

I've blocked him as tbh I don't want to hear his excuses. I'm just going to try and enjoy my Christmas without any drama. I'm also upset as I am social worker and I get very little time off work atm and I'm back at work on the 27th so wanted to enjoy these few days and he knows this 😞

StillWantingADog · 26/12/2023 09:43

sorry to hear this all happened. Right decision though.
I would calmly unblock, tomorrow perhaps and arrange a time for him to come and collect his stuff and give back his key ASAP. And be civil when he comes, no need for any drama or tears.

SamW98 · 26/12/2023 09:52

StillWantingADog · 26/12/2023 09:43

sorry to hear this all happened. Right decision though.
I would calmly unblock, tomorrow perhaps and arrange a time for him to come and collect his stuff and give back his key ASAP. And be civil when he comes, no need for any drama or tears.

Totally agree with this. Once Christmas is over, unblock, message asking for your key back and don’t let him try and talk
you round with excuses.

Original poster
letdownchristmas · 26/12/2023 11:11

The funny thing is he has cut his nose off to spite his face as this friend is going away for new year and he doesn't have anybody else local so will probably spend new year alone. I have also been supporting him with his degree as he has gone back as a mature learning after not being in education since 16. I have been proofreading his work as I have recently done a degree and masters and helping him with referencing and he as 2 big hand ins in January and a dissertation coming up so he can figure it out for himself now 😂

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 26/12/2023 11:16

AnneValentine · 26/12/2023 09:35

There’s no need for this level of drama. Or ghosting. Just be a grown up. It’s over. Ask him to post key through letter box or drop off.

That's a nice supportive post.🙄

franke · 26/12/2023 11:19

Please do not have him post the key to you. He needs to hand it over to you or a trusted friend in person.

Original poster
letdownchristmas · 26/12/2023 11:20

What's wrong with posting a key if it isn't identifiable ?

OP posts:
AnneValentine · 26/12/2023 11:26

HellonHeels · 26/12/2023 11:16

That's a nice supportive post.🙄

Show quote history

Fanning the flames isn’t supportive. This is beyond childish.

Didsomeonesaydogs · 26/12/2023 11:34

letdownchristmas · 26/12/2023 11:20

What's wrong with posting a key if it isn't identifiable ?

It’s literally got your address on the envelope

Original poster
letdownchristmas · 26/12/2023 11:37

Oh yes, doh!

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 26/12/2023 14:08

Didsomeonesaydogs · 26/12/2023 11:34

It’s literally got your address on the envelope

Show quote history

Padded or cardboard envelope.

JennyGracexx · 26/12/2023 14:26

I'd see it as a blessing that you got to spend Christmas with someone who matters (your mum) instead of wasting it on this asshat. You may not think it at the moment, but he's done you a huge favour!

Dinkydoo17 · 26/12/2023 16:40

He's a manchild dickhead. You've dodged a bullet. I'm sorry he's had a horrid impact on your Christmas but you are well rid. Happy Christmas to you OP

Easipeelerie · 26/12/2023 16:45

Well now you’ve got rid, if he makes a fuss, you can just say, “Shit happens.”
Don't have him back.

StephanieLampshade · 26/12/2023 16:50

Goodness. What a drama and what spectacular self sabotage egged on by some posters here.

He's a good friend. How could his friend have rented a car at the last minute on Christmas Eve? You seriously would rather this chap missed seeing his family at Christmas and that your BF prioritised a girlfriend of six months over a friend he has for years?

Blocking someone on Christmas Eve is destructive, cruel and made any compromise impossible (you'd blocked him early on Christmas Eve evening thus preventing and duscussion).

You seem determined to be right and to get your way rather than on working as a team with a partner to resolve differences and come up with solutions.

I feel sorry for your ex boyfriend.

I suspect you'll feel differently about this in time.

Original poster
letdownchristmas · 26/12/2023 17:04

I also missed the bit where he said on the phone he's not sorry for letting me down and told me to 'stop crying' about it. Yeah, I still don't feel sorry for him.

OP posts:
StephanieLampshade · 26/12/2023 17:07

Well I hope 2024 brings better for you. Onwards and upwards.

QueenBitch666 · 26/12/2023 17:13

You've dodged a bullet there. That a loser

akittencalledjesus · 26/12/2023 17:19

StephanieLampshade · 26/12/2023 16:50

Goodness. What a drama and what spectacular self sabotage egged on by some posters here.

He's a good friend. How could his friend have rented a car at the last minute on Christmas Eve? You seriously would rather this chap missed seeing his family at Christmas and that your BF prioritised a girlfriend of six months over a friend he has for years?

Blocking someone on Christmas Eve is destructive, cruel and made any compromise impossible (you'd blocked him early on Christmas Eve evening thus preventing and duscussion).

You seem determined to be right and to get your way rather than on working as a team with a partner to resolve differences and come up with solutions.

I feel sorry for your ex boyfriend.

I suspect you'll feel differently about this in time.

I'm sure you're welcome to him Xmas Smile

Panaa · 26/12/2023 17:44

AnneValentine · 26/12/2023 09:35

There’s no need for this level of drama. Or ghosting. Just be a grown up. It’s over. Ask him to post key through letter box or drop off.

This 'level of drama' is hardly any drama. Like where is the drama exactly?

'Grown ups' get angry and upset too you know and have a rant after they split up with someone. It's all normal and not 'drama'.

LonelynSad · 26/12/2023 17:46

ChristmasFluff · 26/12/2023 07:39

Blocking is THE very best thing to do when you end a relationship, for your own sanity, and why would it be a problem for the other person, as surely they are not planning on lurking pointlessly around in your life like Banquo's ghost? I'd fully expect to be blocked at the end of any relationship, ler alone one with a dickhead like this who is obviously lying as he could easily have driven to OP after dropping off his friend.

I too believe that the 'friend' he jumps for is his wife/girlfriend and he 'works away' most of the time.

This is disturbing Confused blocking every ex simply because your relationship ended is not normal behaviour! It's paranoid, self absorbed behaviour.

(not referring to the OP’s situation here btw. I get why she has blocked her ex)

Panaa · 26/12/2023 17:54

LonelynSad · 26/12/2023 17:46

This is disturbing Confused blocking every ex simply because your relationship ended is not normal behaviour! It's paranoid, self absorbed behaviour.

(not referring to the OP’s situation here btw. I get why she has blocked her ex)

Edited
Show quote history

Disturbing 😂
It IS normal. Just because you don't do it doesn't mean that it's not normal.