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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

boyfriend cancelled on me on Christmas Eve

137 replies

letdownchristmas · 24/12/2023 17:53

I had plans to see my boyfriend tonight, he said he was cooking dinner and I'd bought nice breakfast stuff for Christmas morning and he has just cancelled on me saying that he has a had a busy day working and he still needs to have a shower and drive an hour to give his friend a lift to see his family as trains aren't running. I have turned down a family invite to spend time with him and I have expressed that I am unhappy with him and he is prioritising giving a grown adult man a lift who could sort out his own transport over seeing me. He just said well shit happens can't you just drive here in the morning? I said no as he lives 20 miles away and I'm not spending Christmas morning driving up and down the motorway as I'm having Christmas lunch with family. Am I being unreasonable to be furious with him?

OP posts:
Islandlifex · 25/12/2023 06:24

This is terrible, please dump him right away! The low level of effort in this early stage in your relationship is rather pitiful and the lift for a friend sounds like a huge excuse!

In my opinion the friend in question has invited him on a night out and he is prioritising this over seeing you at Christmas. If he wasn't planning to be out all evening, there is no reason why he couldn't quickly do his mate a favour and then head over to your place. This should give you a clear picture about his feelings for you. It does not sound like he is that in to you at all.

What makes this worse is that he lives with this friend and presumably sees him every day. I hope you spent the evening with your Mum who I'm assuming would always prioritise you and put you first.

Original poster
letdownchristmas · 25/12/2023 17:31

He's still blocked, I'm trying to stay firm but this is so hard. I've tried to put a smile on all day but I've just come home now and got into bed and had a little cry.

OP posts:
SequentialAnalyst · 25/12/2023 17:39

Bless you, I know it's hard, but you do not want a repeat of this in the future. It doesn't feel like it at the moment, but you've had a lucky escape.

ForTonightGodisaDJ · 25/12/2023 18:05

Sounds like mine who hasn't even messaged me today. Been off with me since Friday for literally no reason whatsoever, a few days before he was texting me as normal everything was completely fine. Saw him about 10 days ago and everything was fine then too. I've been crying on and off all day.

Treesinthewind · 25/12/2023 18:21

When people show you who they are, pay attention. You’re doing the right thing. My ex pulled this “hot-cold” bullshit for pretty much our whole relationship and I wish I’d walked away as soon as I saw how flaky he was. It’s understandable to feel hurt, but 2024 will be a lot brighter without him. It honestly makes me feel sick now if a man tells me they’re “feeling a bit poorly” or have had a busy day and are a bit flat, as it so often precedes bailing on a date/me/the relationship.

Beaverbridge · 25/12/2023 18:33

Keep him blocked, let him wonder what your up to!!

Original poster
letdownchristmas · 25/12/2023 18:40

He has a key to my house though that I need to retrieve somehow.

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 25/12/2023 19:05

So sorry he's done this. Hold firm though. If his friend was desperate he could have made that work and he didn't (plus friend clearly wasn't stuck) he just couldn't be arsed. You deserve more. It's not not ok to just jettison plans on Christmas eve like that and shows no excitement about seeing you or respect for your time. Keep him blocked. You'll thank yourself and will eventually find someone who can't believe his luck.

FiddleLeaf · 25/12/2023 19:07

letdownchristmas · 25/12/2023 18:40

He has a key to my house though that I need to retrieve somehow.

You do but it’s not urgent and he could post it back in a few weeks.

Stand firm.

Catandsquirrel · 25/12/2023 19:10

Is it just the keys? I"d drop off or post a prepaid envelope asking him to please post back by XX date. I don't even think you need to unblock. If you have any stuff of his send it recorded. Id he keeping a certain distance and detachment rather than organising it by text.

Lorac23 · 25/12/2023 19:12

Uh huh. The one and only Christmas some bastard did this to me, turned out he already had a partner and kids. Don't let him anywhere near you ever again.

NearlyMonday · 25/12/2023 20:28

i never understand the need to block someone (unless there has been violence) even if you do need to end the relationship

FiddleLeaf · 25/12/2023 21:26

NearlyMonday · 25/12/2023 20:28

i never understand the need to block someone (unless there has been violence) even if you do need to end the relationship

I’ve always been a deleter of numbers but I see the benefits. Saves you jumping when the phone beeps. Enforces a boundary too. Why should we be accessible to those who have let us down?

GothConversionTherapy · 26/12/2023 00:16

Catandsquirrel · 25/12/2023 19:10

Is it just the keys? I"d drop off or post a prepaid envelope asking him to please post back by XX date. I don't even think you need to unblock. If you have any stuff of his send it recorded. Id he keeping a certain distance and detachment rather than organising it by text.

Or change the locks and throw away any stuff he left 😁

burntbagel · 26/12/2023 00:39

I think blocking is extreme (have been blocked but never blocked anyone)
sorry he has shown you where you fall on his priorities though
I’d be upset to be cancelled on like this he could’ve seen you after that on Christmas Eve if he cared

ChristmasSteps295 · 26/12/2023 00:48

I do get that you're upset. But I think you're vastly underestimating how difficult and expensive it would be to rent a car last minute on Christmas Eve. Even a walk in at an airport would cost an absolute fortune, not least in one way fees.

ChristmasSteps295 · 26/12/2023 00:56

I could easily go on about trying to rent a car last minute on a Sunday Christmas Eve, but my advice to anyone would be don't. It would be very likely to be unsuccessful or stupidly inconvenient and expensive.

sadsister23 · 26/12/2023 01:13

OP I'm so sorry this has happened to you, and what a shit time of year for it too. You should be proud of yourself for not putting up with his nonsense. I guess on the bright side at least you've seen his true colours now and haven't wasted too much time with him. Now you've binned him you've made way for a man who will make you a priority and treat you as you deserve. Break ups are never easy but you deserve so much better than this. Lean on us here and we will support you Flowers

SamW98 · 26/12/2023 01:16

letdownchristmas · 25/12/2023 17:31

He's still blocked, I'm trying to stay firm but this is so hard. I've tried to put a smile on all day but I've just come home now and got into bed and had a little cry.

It’s shit OP but you’ve done absolutely the right thing blocking him. He doesn’t deserve access to you right now.

Maybe leave it a few days then drop him a message asking him to return your keys.

Please don’t let him work his way back in. Words are cheap, he’s shown by his actions what his priorities are. You’re worth more

Panaa · 26/12/2023 01:22

NearlyMonday · 25/12/2023 20:28

i never understand the need to block someone (unless there has been violence) even if you do need to end the relationship

It's really not that difficult to understand that there are many reasons other than violence that might make people feel the need to block and I'm sure if you actually tried then you'd be able to come up with a handful of reasons in a minute, and if you can't then you must seriously lack critical thinking skills.

ChristmasFluff · 26/12/2023 07:39

Blocking is THE very best thing to do when you end a relationship, for your own sanity, and why would it be a problem for the other person, as surely they are not planning on lurking pointlessly around in your life like Banquo's ghost? I'd fully expect to be blocked at the end of any relationship, ler alone one with a dickhead like this who is obviously lying as he could easily have driven to OP after dropping off his friend.

I too believe that the 'friend' he jumps for is his wife/girlfriend and he 'works away' most of the time.

TeaGinandFags · 26/12/2023 08:11

letdownchristmas · 25/12/2023 18:40

He has a key to my house though that I need to retrieve somehow.

Change the locks PDQ.

At the very least swap the front and back doors over until you can fit new locks. That can be done in a day or two. YouTube will show you how if you're not sure.

You can then put anything he's left behind next to the bins. Then treat yourself to a bdth and a good cry. What would you advise your clients to do?

Take care x

Original poster
letdownchristmas · 26/12/2023 08:24

I live in a masionatte so I don't have a back door. I don't have anything of his here apart from the Christmas presents he obviously never got, I'll have to see if I can return them. I will post a letter with a return envelope as suggested asking for the key back. I don't think he would do anything with the key but it just feels uncomfortable having someone I no longer speak to with key to my home.

OP posts:
Original poster
letdownchristmas · 26/12/2023 08:27

I can't afford to have the locks changed.

OP posts:
LadyGAgain · 26/12/2023 09:17

Make sure your return envelope is going to a friends house!

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