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Original poster

boyfriend cancelled on me on Christmas Eve

137 replies

letdownchristmas · 24/12/2023 17:53

I had plans to see my boyfriend tonight, he said he was cooking dinner and I'd bought nice breakfast stuff for Christmas morning and he has just cancelled on me saying that he has a had a busy day working and he still needs to have a shower and drive an hour to give his friend a lift to see his family as trains aren't running. I have turned down a family invite to spend time with him and I have expressed that I am unhappy with him and he is prioritising giving a grown adult man a lift who could sort out his own transport over seeing me. He just said well shit happens can't you just drive here in the morning? I said no as he lives 20 miles away and I'm not spending Christmas morning driving up and down the motorway as I'm having Christmas lunch with family. Am I being unreasonable to be furious with him?

OP posts:
Original poster
letdownchristmas · 24/12/2023 18:54

He said he will see me next week, I said no thanks I'm back at work next week and life will be back to normal for me, the moments over! I told him that it was a dick move and his friend is a grown man who could make his own way to his family and he told me to think about what I was saying and calm down which enraged me even more. He said it's not a big deal and I'm not going to die if I don't see him. I blocked him and let him know exactly why. I'm so angry how he was so dismissive and I'm just sitting here trying to calm down before I go to my mums as I don't want to take the negative energy with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
letdownchristmas · 24/12/2023 18:56

I'm standing my ground as I feel like if I let this slide then it will only get worse. I've been working on my boundaries from previous relationships where I've been walked all over a bit so I posted on here to make sure that I wasn't being unreasonable and un necessarily harsh.

OP posts:
OhcantthInkofaname · 24/12/2023 18:58

Go have a good evening with Mom!

Dotty87 · 24/12/2023 19:00

letdownchristmas · 24/12/2023 18:54

He said he will see me next week, I said no thanks I'm back at work next week and life will be back to normal for me, the moments over! I told him that it was a dick move and his friend is a grown man who could make his own way to his family and he told me to think about what I was saying and calm down which enraged me even more. He said it's not a big deal and I'm not going to die if I don't see him. I blocked him and let him know exactly why. I'm so angry how he was so dismissive and I'm just sitting here trying to calm down before I go to my mums as I don't want to take the negative energy with me.

Oh god, he's playing the irrational emotional woman card now? What a delight he is. You're not overreacting, he's trying to minimise your (very valid) feelings. I wouldn't be seeing him again.

Loafbeginsat60 · 24/12/2023 19:02

Christmas Eve is a really special time - as is waking up together on Christmas morning.

If he would rather spend that with a mate and "having a shower" then he is not prioritising you. I would be really cross too and would rethink the relationship, as you have done.

Unless he's at your door tonight - goodbye!

SamW98 · 24/12/2023 19:02

letdownchristmas · 24/12/2023 18:54

He said he will see me next week, I said no thanks I'm back at work next week and life will be back to normal for me, the moments over! I told him that it was a dick move and his friend is a grown man who could make his own way to his family and he told me to think about what I was saying and calm down which enraged me even more. He said it's not a big deal and I'm not going to die if I don't see him. I blocked him and let him know exactly why. I'm so angry how he was so dismissive and I'm just sitting here trying to calm down before I go to my mums as I don't want to take the negative energy with me.

Well done standing your ground - his response is typical deflection and twisting to make himself the victim and you the unreasonable one.

Take a big old bottle of fizz over to your mums and enjoy.

Sadly he’s shown you his priorities- take your time and shut him out your mind over Christmas.

Malificent1 · 24/12/2023 19:05

letdownchristmas · 24/12/2023 18:54

He said he will see me next week, I said no thanks I'm back at work next week and life will be back to normal for me, the moments over! I told him that it was a dick move and his friend is a grown man who could make his own way to his family and he told me to think about what I was saying and calm down which enraged me even more. He said it's not a big deal and I'm not going to die if I don't see him. I blocked him and let him know exactly why. I'm so angry how he was so dismissive and I'm just sitting here trying to calm down before I go to my mums as I don't want to take the negative energy with me.

What he means is it’s not a big deal to HIM and HE’S not going to die if he doesn’t see you. What a fucking wanker.

I’m sorry OP. You deserve so, so much better. Wishing you a lovely evening with your mum.

verrymerryberry · 24/12/2023 19:06

Absolute dick!

I'd be devastated to be left alone on Christmas Eve.

You are not overreacting and he sounds like he's gaslighting you a bit.

I'd be done with him forever.

They and enjoy your Christmas Flowers

Sugarsun · 24/12/2023 19:07

He’s not worth your time.

At least you know that he’s just not into you.

Its not even just the fact it’s Xmas, it’s the fact you’ve made plans and he’s cancelled without any sort of feeling bad.

There was no reason why you couldn’t see him later than planned.

I don’t believe he’s even taking his friend home.
I think he’s got a better offer.

SweetChilliChickenWrap · 24/12/2023 19:11

Good for you working on your boundaries, it's really paying off!

Time to dump this one and congratulate yourself on how far you've come.

Have a lovely time with your mum.

NaughtybutNice77 · 24/12/2023 19:19

I'd be furious. He's not entirely prioritising his friend you know, he's prioritising himself. I seriously doubt he'll just be dropping his mate off. I bet if you said 'Ah, what a lovely thing to do babe. I'll drive round now and we can drive him up together. I know how tired you'll be so ill drive home and we can just grab a takeaway on the way back and have an early night'...he'll not want that.
TBH though even if he was genuinely dropping his friend off, that's still out of order. He hasn't even discussed it with you. He's made a unilateral decision and isn't prepared to negotiate. A mortgage and 2 kids down the line this could be him deciding it's fine to go on a stag do for 5 nights despite you being 8 months pregnant and in debt.
Get out....but have some fun first. Lead him to believe you're coming tomorrow. Get him to start dinner. Say you're waiting for a lift as you left your car in the next town after after drinking in the club till late. Let's see how keen he is to be giving lifts this time.....and back of course tonight...as yourvplans have changed. Shame he won't be able to haveca drink.

StragglyTinsel · 24/12/2023 19:20

I would consider him dumped and never unblock him.

He let you down at the last minute on Christmas Eve and then tried to convince you that you’re irrational and ridiculous for being annoyed.

He’s shown what his priorities are - so he can find himself appropriately de-prioritised out of your life.

caringcarer · 24/12/2023 19:35

Wishimaywishimight · 24/12/2023 17:59

If he had suggested driving to you tomorrow so that you could have breakfast together that would be something but he just wants you to drive to him. He is not willing to make any effort at all.

Most likely because he will have a hangover tomorrow after going out with his friend after blowing off OP. He sounds an inconsiderate loser.

Sugarsun · 24/12/2023 19:36

StragglyTinsel · 24/12/2023 19:20

I would consider him dumped and never unblock him.

He let you down at the last minute on Christmas Eve and then tried to convince you that you’re irrational and ridiculous for being annoyed.

He’s shown what his priorities are - so he can find himself appropriately de-prioritised out of your life.

I completely agree with all of this.

avemariiiiiaaaa · 24/12/2023 19:38

He is a selfish, thoughtless, waste of space. Move on, don't unblock him.

He has shown his true colours just in the nick of time.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 24/12/2023 19:44

Does he have form for things like this?
I'd just go to my family's and tell bf, I'll see you when see you, then. I'd be annoyed, too, but you do have another option. Don't let his decision ruin your Christmas. Sounds like he just doesn't feel as strongly about the holiday as you do. Something to consider re compatibility moving forward.

Just saw updates: well done!

Hibernatalie · 24/12/2023 19:51

Sack him off love. Merry Christmas xx

Dillydollydingdong · 24/12/2023 19:57

Just dump him. He's a waste of space. At least you found out now, before it's too late.

NicholJO · 24/12/2023 20:01

Go and have a lovely time with your mum she will appreciate you more then him spend the day with her and family please don't unblock him and chat tomorrow he had his chance to spend a lovely evening and morning with you but he decided his friend was more important merry Christmas to you and your family 🎅

Beaverbridge · 24/12/2023 20:03

Good for you, keep him blocked. Obvs he's going out with mate. Enjoy your evening, don't give him another thought.

Coyoacan · 24/12/2023 20:03

The great thing about enforcing boundaries is that don't waste so much time on the ones who aren't worth it. Well done, OP.

MILTOBE · 24/12/2023 20:05

Good for you, respecting yourself enough not to put up with this sort of behaviour. What a waste of space he is.

ChrisPriss · 24/12/2023 20:06

You are too good for him - have a lovely Christmas x

Nicole1111 · 24/12/2023 20:06

Listen carefully to what this man is telling you with his actions. Don’t be someone’s option when you can be someone else’s priority.

43ontherocksporfavor · 24/12/2023 20:07

Yanbu