Partner took everything he got me

[lostxlonely]

So in a fight a few months ago my partner took all the gifts he brought me because I lost something of his he said he brought me things with the intention I would take care of his things and since I haven’t he took it all back months later he still hasn’t gave me anything back. The only thing left is a perfume he got me and he keeps saying where is it and he wants it since I don’t use it and his running low. I mean it’s not about the gifts it’s the fact that I’ve never met anyone like this? I’ve never taken back gifts or had them taken but these must not be gifts if that’s the intent he got them with? I thought we buy things for people with love? Don’t want to accept anything from him going forward.. What do you all think?
we are a family with a 1 year old.

If you report his intimidating behaviours to the police, that will prove useful in future if you need to pursue full custody. Unfortunately it's not usually as simple as just not letting threem see the child. But if you have on record that he threatens you when you try to leave that may prove to be very useful to you in future.

Always bare this in mind too - they mean you harm SO if you make them think you want them to still have contact with their child (eg: 'what days would you like our son? We're over but i don't want our boy not to see you so you need to spend time with him') he will hopefully avoid doing so and skirt responsibility as much as possible in order to spite you. Reverse psychology. He will want to use the kid to hurt you of course. Be aware.

The best thing you can do for your child is to have one safe, happy home with you. Where his mother is free and happy and he doesn't grow up watching you get abused. He may still have to spend time at dad's but at least he can get away from there and has a strong female role model who said 'no, I won't stay with a bully'. Which is so important.

You cannot change his dad. But you can change the role model you are. By leaving abusive people behind because 'that behaviour is not ok and we do not tolerate bullies'.

This is creepy, controlling, weird, and abusive..

Please don't ignore the red flags, and get out before things get worse.

Staying doesn't do anything positive for your child...nor you.

You all aren't a family. He is treating you like a child he is putting on punishment..in order to teach a "lesson".
He is supposed to be a partner, not a father figure.
There is no unity, only disruption and dysfunctional.

I’ve ended it with him, last night. I just told him I’m unhappy and he was fine and supportive he then said nothing changes for him not like we were having sex anyway and he will still see our son but then later when I was sleeping he began touching my bottom over my pants and move his hands to my intimate area I said what are you doing and he said well I won’t be able to touch you for long I told him to not do it and it makes me uncomfortable and he said he won’t and then later tried something else and I just moved away. Today he said he didn’t thief these gifts from me because they were not gifts and they are his things that he paid for when I tried to explain you can’t take what you give he said I lost his chain so he wasn’t going to let me have things that he brought as he said he brought them on the basis I’m taking care of his things so it’s to add to a collection (most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard) when I said his never told me that he said that’s what he had in his head he began getting very angry when I mentioned the taking of the gifts but he then said I could have them back if I’m with him otherwise I can’t have them (not that I want that shit now anyway). His now asking when I move I take him with me and he will pay 50% of the rent and do the chores etc and I don’t have to be with him but he just doesn’t want to be without me etc but he then also said that there have been times I say things and he thinks oh she’s not my soul mate (lol) he also said has fallen out of love with me and in the same 10 mins said he loves me and is going to choose to love me he said a lot tbf this is just some of it. He pleaded we don’t have a relationship but remain together I asked him to leave he has a new job and doesn’t want to lose it so said if he can do his shifts today and tomorrow and then go thur I said that’s fine but he now again is pleading and saying he won’t leave me he will fight for me I told him it’s too late I can’t be there it’s someone with values and morals like this and the woman I am today deserves more than the grown man child he is and he keeps saying we can start over and date and he will do everything he said he will take over the cooking because how I cook gives him the ick? Wtf?! He gives me the ick. But I will continue to move without him I am done. But last night I felt so unsafe after telling him. You know what they say about the gift of fear? A part of me feels like his going to kill me?

Christ, I'm a (straight) man and even I got the ick!
What an absolute wanker.

When is he leaving your home op?

He said Thursday after his done his shifts as he has nowhere to go but then he keep trying to convince me we can live together and things will be different and won’t need to be in a relationship and then he goes to “let me stay with you until the 5th feb as that’s my payday and then I can find somewhere else to live” I told him no and said I wouldn’t want him knowing where I live. But his throwing different things around

Just get rid of him. Don't listen to his this and that, he needs to go.

I second PP kick him out now, he’s trying to sway you so he has a place to stay don’t fall for it.

I do not believe he will leave on Thursday. Do you have any family or friends that can be there to make sure he leaves.

He has now escalated to sexual assault.

You are within your rights to contact the police. I worry for your safety. You need help

My life wouldn’t be worse of without him I pay all the rent/bills/grocery/baby stuff etc, I do all the chores, cleaning and cooking

Of course he doesn't want you to dump him! You do everything.

Stand firm. Make it clear you're done. Involve the police if you're afraid of him.

He needs to leave now. You body is telling you you are in danger because you are. If he remains in the house, do not share a room or bed with him. Put heavy furniture infront of your bedroom door. Maybd have a relative stay with you.

Tbh op I would have the locks changed when he is out and put his stuff out on the doorstep. If he kicks off tell him (through the door, Don open it) his behaviour the other night was sexual assault and if he doesn't want you to take that further he'd better leave and never come near you again.

To be honest, I'd report the assault to the police and seek their help rremoving him. I'd also see about a restraining order ASAP.

You don't owe thos absolute scumball anything. He's capable of anything.
Take action to protect yourself. He will not leave unless he is made to.

You can do this. Reach out to the authorities.

Stay safe!

Is he named on your rental agreement? If not, get him out on Thursday if not sooner and perhaps speak to the police to say you are kicking out a previously violent and currently sexually abusive partner and feel unsafe.

If he is and is delaying leaving, give your landlord notice to remove you from the agreement as soon as possible and look for another rental ASAP.

Either way please make a full break with him, no dating, no living together etc.

You need to seek advice , this is the sort of man who would abduct your child next!

I have read all your comments but not all of everyone elses. He will not change. The whole mess with the 'presents' are not the issue - but just an example of his treatment of you - if it was not this it would be something else. I would not be surprised if he hid/lost the necklace himself.

Do not believe his bullshit. Move without him.

He has no plans to move out on Thursday or on 5th Feb.

Kick him out ASAP by getting the locks changed whilst he’s out and then put his belongings in bin bags and put them outside the door. Message him to tell him he’ll need to collect his belongings from outside the property, and that you won’t be letting him in. Call the Police if he starts banging on the door, shouting, trying to force entry and/or makes you feel unsafe.

If he’s on the tenancy, you may need to move out instead. Contact Women’s Aid for advice if this is the case. They’ll advise you re. your next steps.

He sounds unhinged and is using you. Do not believe one more word from him.

Protect yourself and your child now. New start to the New Year. All the best.

Good advice above from PPs. Wishing you all the best, O.P. Stay strong 💪 x

His not on the tenancy but he is so hard to get out. It’s like he just won’t leave and if I call the police his made threats before that he would come for me or my family after his served time because my mum will always live where she does so it scares me. Last night I was afraid he will do something to me all night I even considered sleeping with a knife because he switches personalities and goes from soft to manic. I just don’t know if he will ever leave me alone I really just want this over he now keeps calling me from work saying he can’t think straight and we have to work together and come to some sort of arrangement about living together. I don’t want this life I want it to stop

His name is not on the tenancy. He doesn't pay rent. You are not married. You can legally kick him out.

Contact the police and ask for their advice on how to do this safely and quickly. Tell them about his threats towards you and your mother. You need their support but you can do this

He’s not moving out op. And you’re not safe with him in the house. Please go somewhere else for a few days at least , even if you can’t get him out. Report the threats to the police so they’re recorded. You’re going to have to kick him out eventually, so hes going to threaten you now or he’s going to threaten you in a few days / weeks / months. At least the sooner you get him out the less time you’ve spent in your own home feeling unsafe and being at risk. Women are most in danger from a violent partner when they’ve asked him to leave. Please be safe

Report him to the police op and get an order against him through woman’s aid so he can’t contact you.

contact woman’s aid as this is abuse what he’s doing it’s coercive control, threatening behaviour and he’s trying to intimidate you into staying with him.

Based in your recent update op you absolutely need to go to the police. Tell them about the threats and the assault.

You need their protection.

Op he is even threatening your mum. Police, ASAP.

Get him out and get a doorbell camera.

The only think that works in bullies like him us showing you will reach out to the police and legal avenues.

That doesn't necessarily always work but you have to do what you can to stay safe.

They like to trick you into thinking if you play nice they will play nice back. But in reality if you give an inch,they take a mile. Look at what happened when you shared a room the other night. You gave him the benefit of the doubt and he assaulted you. Twice. That's what monsters do.

The best defence is a strong offence.

Stay elsewhere until the police remove him.

Don't make the mistake of playing nicey nice. All it does is make you vulnerable. They attack nice, they attack compromise, they attack weakness.

Police, legal advice, women's aid, lock change, restraining order, tell any supportive friends and family whats happening. Everything you can to get him away from you. Tell your current/new estate agents once he is gone too so that he cannot ask for the new keys.

It will be a scary time but push through it. Never give an inch. That's the only way you defeat evil. Not by giving in to its demands and thinking that will make life safer for you. It won't. Reach out for help to protect yourself.

Honest to God you need to speak to womens aid and the police. Please call the police to let them know he's been violent, made threats against your family and will not leave the property.

Can you afford to have the locks changed? You could pack his stuff when he’s at work and refuse him entry on his return, leaving the stuff out for him, or somewhere else safe. You’ve already talked about him moving out so it shouldn’t come as a surprise. Prior to this happening you can call the police and ask them to put an alert on your address and your mum’s address so that if they receive a call from either they’ll send someone straight out. The night you plan to leave his stuff out you can arrange to be elsewhere or be in the home with support. Have you got any male relatives? Friends with husbands?

It sounds like you’ll also need to get an Non-Molestation Order to prevent him coming near you, your child or your home.

https://www.ncdv.org.uk/non-molestation-order/