Partner took everything he got me

[lostxlonely]

So in a fight a few months ago my partner took all the gifts he brought me because I lost something of his he said he brought me things with the intention I would take care of his things and since I haven’t he took it all back months later he still hasn’t gave me anything back. The only thing left is a perfume he got me and he keeps saying where is it and he wants it since I don’t use it and his running low. I mean it’s not about the gifts it’s the fact that I’ve never met anyone like this? I’ve never taken back gifts or had them taken but these must not be gifts if that’s the intent he got them with? I thought we buy things for people with love? Don’t want to accept anything from him going forward.. What do you all think?
we are a family with a 1 year old.

Can you call women's aid, like, now?

OP run he is a disgusting vile abuser he has taken the other item too because he knows you’ll be worried

Why would a man
want a woman’s perfume? Control freak

I’ve called womens aid I’ve called them this time and I called them last year whilst I was pregnant they’ve told me there is nothing they can do for me due to the income I get from my job they can’t take me out this situation and put me up temporarily somewhere and have said if they did find me somewhere I would have to pay for it and it would be more than what I could afford right now and is expensive. At the end of the call the woman said “I’m sorry, I hope things get better for you” I feel so helpless

Said he has run out of cologne and since I don’t use it he wants to use it. Also not sure where I’ve put it now I’ve looked probably why I haven’t used it is because I can’t find it and now I’m afraid to tell him this I have crippling anxiety at the thought of it all

Tell him that you just don’t have it. Since you don’t often use it you must have finished it and thrown out the bottle so tough shit, he can’t have it. Then throw him out.

What are the things of yours that he’s taken?

He's setting you up again. If it's your perfume, how would he know exactly where it is? Tell him you haven't looked, you're not his skivey and to find it himself. 'You told me it was in the case so you obviously had it last. Find it yourself'

He has by the sounds of it, taken it and is trying to set you up for an argument.

(I wonder if you tell him it's over he'll still go 'fine! But I'm still going out tonight so where's the perfume!')

Just don't play his game. Just go about your own business. Leave the room if he starts on that subject.

Glad that you've finally decided to go.
Life is too short to waste on headfucking freaks lile him.

The things he gifted me that his taken are a Louis Vuitton belt, Louis Vuitton bracelet, Swarovski earrings, some other bits and bobs

I am not going to have a 2024 like I had 2023 and I am not taking him into my 30s this decade is going to better I finally realised how good of a woman I am and what I am capable of in a family environment and how much I give and never receive I rather alone than with anyone like this I’m tired and exhausted of feeling like this.

Sell his stuff?

I edited my response because I see you called women’s aid before but I still think its worth calling again. You are penniless until jan 27th, it sounds like? Maybe go to sshelter temporarily until he loses interest?

Actually pps response is better, tell him you think you finished that so he'll have to wear something else.

Also if you don't know where it is...check the bin cause he probably threw it out.

'I'm not interested in arguing with you'.
Leave the room.

He's counting on making you anxious. Hoping you'll text him that you don't know where it is. Or sit in worried all day.

Wants to start your new year off on a low point.

Could you go visit friends or family today? Stay out too ideally.

Just keep in your head 'I'm leaving him so why give a fuck what he thinks?'. So what if he calls you a bad person for losing his gift. He only gave you it so he could pull this shit anyway. And what he thinks (or rather, pretends to think in order to hurt you and draw you into his gaslighting) doesn't actually matter because you're dumping his ass as soon as you can afford too.

Sleep separately and don't do any more cooking or cleaning for him in the mean time. Start looking for a new place to go so that you can boost at your next pay check.

@lostxlonely can you piss in an old perfume bottle for him? is he actually your husband or just a partner? you pay the rent so look for another house and tell your landlord you are giving up the house on such and such a date. move out when he is out of the house. dont tell him where you are. see a solicitor. get all your banking and paperwork in order. change all banking and email passwords so he has no access. credit cards - remove your name from them. also get a new phone and phone number in case he has a tracker on it. good luck

'You can use my perfume when you give me my things back. The belt, bracelet, earrings. Those were gifts and gifts are not loans, they belong to me and you took them. Why would I lend you my perfume knowing that you keep my things? I don't think so. Although, I'd bet you've already taken my perfume too. Shall we go see? Shall we see if it's where I put it? Probably not right? Sold it have you? What a surprise'

Reverse-uno.

Just have to say I'm disgusted he's given you "gifts" then taken them away. This is a form of controlling abusive behaviour (especially the perfume I doubt he really uses it).
It's a way of punishing you for not staying in line.
The breaking stuff and putting his fist in your face again is abuse.. It always goes in stages next he will start beating you.
Even if you stay in a one bed flat or with your family/friends I would get out of there ASAP and do it when he's not in just in case he tries to stop you..
The longer you stay the more likely you will be trapped, sorry womens aid weren't very helpful.

You’re in a domestically abusive relationship with a controlling man. It’s likely to get worse with time as every time you tolerate the bad behaviour the abuser takes things further and further as there are no consequences for their actions. Get out while you can if you want to protect your child from the serious and potentially life long consequences of being exposed to domestic abuse. Your child deserves better than this. You deserve better than this.

Do you own or rent? Whose name is the mortgage/tenancy in? Have you ever reported him to the police? Have you got any family or friends you could stay with?

So he's a cheat, he's emotionally abusive , he's lazy. Omg op you should hurry and marry him, he sounds like a Prince!!

I know single parenthood is hard, but honestly you need to work out what to do to get away from him for yours and your kids sake

What a perfectly disgusting smear of excrement he is.

No coincidence he pulls this move on thr first day of thr new year btw. When lots of places are shut so he knows you'll stay home worrying. And because it starts off your new years day, which should be full of promise for the future, with stress and anxiety.

Gotta beat victims down at the start of the year so they don't get any grand ideas that they are strong enough to leave apparently.

But you are string enough. Start making plans.

Make sure your work case goes into your own bank account btw, not a joint account. And as pp said, sell anything he won't miss. Electronics like video games sell well on ebay rn.

He knows you’re anxious that’s why he’s doing this does he know you are leaving? Is his behaviour worse than usual?

I'm sorry you are going through this right now. As others have suggested, could he be setting you up? I get the feeling he has taken and hidden the 'missing' stuff to cause arguments.

If you are concerned about his behaviour when you try to end it with them in light of the last time when you tried to call the police etc. Can you call the non-emergency police number now, before he gets home, and explain what happened before and that you are concerned for you and your baby's safety when planning on leaving him again, as frankly he sounds unhinged. Get all of this logged with the police, they may also have their own internal domestic violence programme/connections that can help you get put of this situation if WA can't help you.

I wish you a better 2024.

I’ve always been bad at communication due to my history but with him everytime I tried and highlighted something I didn’t like he threw it back in my face, got on the defence etc so eventually I learned to completely shut off and have become worse at communicating so thinking about having this conversation with him when he is back at 7pm is making me sick.

He is abusive. This has nothing to do with communication or lack thereof. He communicates just fine and you don’t have the tools (money, self confidence, separate housing, supportive family) to simply throw this bum out. There’s no communication—no words—that will change him. You can only leave.

This is abusive behaviour. Please leave this guy, he is not behaving like any normal, well-adjusted adult. Your child could end up like him and you will be seriously damaged.

I’m so confused and afraid. Do I let him see his child once I end this? Or do I not so he doesn’t learn bad behaviours

Send him a text ending it, say a family member can come round end of the week to collect his stuff and lock the doors and don’t let him in.

if he tries contact the police.