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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner took everything he got me

149 replies

lostxlonely · 24/12/2023 12:05

So in a fight a few months ago my partner took all the gifts he brought me because I lost something of his he said he brought me things with the intention I would take care of his things and since I haven’t he took it all back months later he still hasn’t gave me anything back. The only thing left is a perfume he got me and he keeps saying where is it and he wants it since I don’t use it and his running low. I mean it’s not about the gifts it’s the fact that I’ve never met anyone like this? I’ve never taken back gifts or had them taken but these must not be gifts if that’s the intent he got them with? I thought we buy things for people with love? Don’t want to accept anything from him going forward.. What do you all think?
we are a family with a 1 year old.

OP posts:
Easipeelerie · 24/12/2023 14:12

Don’t call the police in front of him. Go out and do it. Or visit a police station.
He seriously needs to be in the cells tonight.

wronginalltherightways · 24/12/2023 14:13

Get out of the house to safety with the baby and call the police again.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 24/12/2023 14:15

I threw exh out a few days before my birthday once. So his new gf got some Lacoste Pink and a new phone.

Report him for his behaviour op. And ltb.

LightSpeeds · 24/12/2023 14:16

He's a complete twat.

From a legal perspective, they'd probably be viewed as your property.

Easipeelerie · 24/12/2023 14:17

You need to get out of the house with the baby with as little drama as possible. Say something like your popping out for milk anything that sounds dull and undramatic.

pinkyredrose · 24/12/2023 14:19

He wears perfume?

Friendfoe1 · 24/12/2023 14:20

lostxlonely · 24/12/2023 12:56

I called 999 and was in the process of giving them the address until he got his fist in my face and I cut off out of fear

Ive seen your other thread, please make plans to leave. This is no way for you or your child to live.

Treesinmygarden · 24/12/2023 14:21

You need to get out of this situation, urgently.

This man is dangerous. Do it for the sake of your baby if not for yourself.

Take care x

Pumpkindoodles · 24/12/2023 14:24

He has very clearly sold them all, including his necklace.
He’s a horrible, spiteful, violent man, who contributes nothing physically, emotionally or financially to your home and is actively horrible and violent to you and makes yours and your DCs life worse. You need to find a safe way to get him out.

ohdamnitjanet · 24/12/2023 14:26

Oh I can’t believe this nonsense.

TeaGinandFags · 24/12/2023 14:27

I called 999 and was in the process of giving them the address until I called 999 and was in the process of giving them the address until he got his fist in my face and I cut off out of fear

Do you have a landline? If yes dial 999, say the address and pug it down.

If no get out of the house with the baby or wait until other people are about and call 999. He's dangerous and liable to kill you and baby. If you get on with your neighbours use their phone. Stay with them until the police arrive. Tell the police what you told us.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 24/12/2023 14:36

DelilahBucket · 24/12/2023 13:06

Please seek help OP. This is only going to escalate. You need to get yourself and child to safety. Womens Aid is an excellent place to start.

Just read your update OP... This is awful for you and your poor one year old. Agree with poster above.
You say you pay all the bills and wouldn't be worse off without him.

Bin the Perfume and Bin the man. Give yourself a happier life with your baby and no nasty person shouting at you and taking back gifts to punish you. He is physically and mentally abusive.

beastlyslumber · 24/12/2023 14:52

OP, you need to leave. Women's Aid would be a good place to get in touch with. Do you have any friends or family you can trust to support you in real life?

The man is dangerous. You need to plan your exit carefully. Don't let him know you're leaving. Gather all important documents and get them out of the house to somewhere safe.

In the meantime, if he hurts or threatens you again, call the police.

sassyduck · 24/12/2023 14:54

He sounds horrific. You are being abused. Please Please think about walking away from him. Do it for your baby.

Pinkbonbon · 24/12/2023 14:58

He's an abusive shithead and a THIEF. Gifts do not belong to the giver, but the recipient.

They are no longer his to take back.

He is a nasty piece of work. He us trying to control and 'punish' you.

Abusers like to put you on s merry go round of 'Prove your goodness/honesty/inmocemce/worth/love/character'. They trap you in this cycle so that you're so stuck trying to 'prove yourself' that you don't stop to realise that THEY are a piece of shit.

You are frightened to ask for your things back because he will accuse you of being bad/greedy/gold digging ect... you are not those things. Please stop wasting your life trying to prove your own goodness to a horrible human being like him.

Truth is, he KNOWS you are a good person. He just doesn't want you to know that. Because it suits him for you to spend your whole life trying to defend yourself and prove it. It keeps you a victim.

End the relationship.
Don't let him manipulate you for one day more.

And seriously consider reporting his theft to the police if these items are of considerable value.
Maybe because you have a kid you want to skip this step. That's understandable. But you have to let the items go along with him then. Don't let him hold them over your head.

He will never give them back. Well, unless he tries to pretend he's a nice person again when you end it. That's a common abuse tactic called love bombing. But more likely he will remain a dickhead throughout tbh.

Life's too short op.
You know you aren't grasping or unkind. He knows it too. Infact it's because you're a kind soul that a parasite like him has latched onto you. Shake him off. Treat yourself to freedom this Christmas.

Chickpea17 · 24/12/2023 14:59

Leave your not doing yourself or your one year old any favours.

MintJulia · 24/12/2023 14:59

To be honest, it sounds like he's taking them back so he can give them to the new girlfriend for Christmas. Why else would a man want gifts bought for a woman?

And the accusing you of being unfaithful is classic.

Get rid of him OP, he's abusive.

pinkyredrose · 24/12/2023 15:04

Hope you're ok OP.

hellsBells246 · 24/12/2023 15:09

Love, you are in an abusive relationship. I'd start making plans to leave.

If he threatens suicide, just ignore him. He won't kill himself. And if he did? Not much of a loss. And certainly not your fault. Or if you are feeling kind you could contact the police or his family.

This is a terrible relationship for your Dc to be in - and you. Please try to leave ASAP. Women's Aid will be able to advise you.

Angelsrose · 24/12/2023 15:24

Stop wasting your time with this highly awful man. Run far and fast. Good luck.

Lesina · 24/12/2023 15:25

Run… don’t walk. Pick up your baby and run.

Dinkydoo17 · 24/12/2023 15:30

When he goes out get the locks changed and get a non molestation order so he can't come near you again. He is dangerous. This is thin end of the wedge behaviour and could escalate quickly and dramatically. Take care of yourself OP

porridgeisbae · 24/12/2023 15:40

I have bipolar, it's not a manic episode if you ask someone to leave and they stage a wig out to manipulate you into letting them stay - mania doesn't work like that.

That's just a person being manipulative, or at most, being volatile.

porridgeisbae · 24/12/2023 15:41

As PP'S said, he's dangerous. Please leave ASAP x

extrasushiplease · 24/12/2023 15:52

If you don't care about yourself, protect your baby and get that stupid maniac out of there.

(Then please learn to care about yourself, love. You deserve to be happy and safe. I wish you the merriest holiday and new year possible in this crap situation.)