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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Lovely night out ruined. DH so different since I improved myself.

121 replies

cornishlassy · 23/12/2023 09:17

DH was pretty indifferent to me a while back. For a long time (years), sex was infrequent (like once every 2 months, if I asked him for it).

Fast forward to now, for myself, I lost a bit of weight and had a face lift. There is no doubt, I look a lot better. He is now all over me, which is lovely (albeit, it feels a bit shallow!)

5 nights ago, we had a Christmas night out at a Hotel, and it's all gone downhill from there. He says I was flirting with a guy. I absolutely was not. There was a large group of people (mostly women actually), and I spent the same amount of time chatting to them all. I don't fancy this man in any way. Even if I was single, I wouldn't be interested. And in no way, was he flirty with me either.

He is furious with me, but I haven't done anything wrong! It's like after all these years, he is suddenly seeing me as a sexual woman, who other men could fancy, whereas he didn't see me like that before. And now, I'm being punished in some way.

We are meant to be going out tonight for another Christmas do, and I feel like I should just sit in a fucking corner or something, which obviously I won't, but I feel like he is watching me. It's so bizarre. He literally could not have given two fucks a few months ago. In fact, I actually felt totally invisible to him.

I don't know how to handle this? Any wise words?

OP posts:
pointythings · 23/12/2023 09:21

You don't need wise words, you need to give him some straight talk. You've worked on yourself. You know you look better. That doesn't mean you're going to cheat on him, and if he's going to be an insecure jealous little twatbadger, you will leave him and he will make his own fears come true through his own bad behaviour. If he doesn't trust you, he isn't worth staying married to. Tell him this, the ball is in his court.

Theunamedcat · 23/12/2023 09:23

Why are you with him?

If you don't want to go tonight perhaps spend some time considering that question

category12 · 23/12/2023 09:24

He sounds like someone to dump, tbh. Why are you sticking it out with him?

Don't let him get away with controlling behaviours.

Whataretheodds · 23/12/2023 09:26

Did you post about him a couple of weeks ago. The weight loss/face-lift and husband behaving like a possessive arse sounds familiar.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 23/12/2023 09:31

Whataretheodds · 23/12/2023 09:26

Did you post about him a couple of weeks ago. The weight loss/face-lift and husband behaving like a possessive arse sounds familiar.

I was thinking that too.

Original poster
cornishlassy · 23/12/2023 09:31

I absolutely love him, and have no desire to leave him. Absolutely nothing happened. I was tipsy, but not drunk. I did nothing wrong. We all had a lovely night, but now I'm trying to re-think everything and tbh, I'm starting to doubt myself. If anything looked bad, it was chatting at most, and I do not fancy this man in any way.

OP posts:
Original poster
cornishlassy · 23/12/2023 09:33

Whataretheodds · 23/12/2023 09:26

Did you post about him a couple of weeks ago. The weight loss/face-lift and husband behaving like a possessive arse sounds familiar.

Yes!

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 23/12/2023 09:34

cornishlassy · 23/12/2023 09:33

Yes!

Show quote history

OK right so it might be helpful to link to that thread. What did you think of the advice on there and did you do anything differently with your husband off the back of it? How did he respond?

Whataretheodds · 23/12/2023 09:35

If not, what do you think you're hesitating over?

category12 · 23/12/2023 09:36

cornishlassy · 23/12/2023 09:31

I absolutely love him, and have no desire to leave him. Absolutely nothing happened. I was tipsy, but not drunk. I did nothing wrong. We all had a lovely night, but now I'm trying to re-think everything and tbh, I'm starting to doubt myself. If anything looked bad, it was chatting at most, and I do not fancy this man in any way.

He doesn't sound particularly loveable, ignoring you for years.

But at any rate, don't pander to his jealousy, it'll lead you down a dark road.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 23/12/2023 09:38

I'm starting to doubt myself. If anything looked bad, it was chatting at most, and I do not fancy this man in any way.

You did nothing wrong.

You are allowed to speak to other men.

Please don't spend your time questioning your own behaviour.

Think instead would a good supportive DH make you doubt yourself so much and why would he do that?

Namechange4234 · 23/12/2023 09:52

Don't doubt yourself and your behaviour from the night out

But definitely doubt yourself for loving this man

He ignored you sexually and you had to ask for attention until you lost some weight and had a face lift

Now he's all over you 🤢

And he is accusing you of flirting and he is spoiling your nights out

What's to love?

Original poster
cornishlassy · 23/12/2023 09:52

I don’t know! I have no idea where we go from here. I feel like the worst person ever, but I know I’ve not done anything wrong! What do I do now?

OP posts:
Original poster
cornishlassy · 23/12/2023 09:53

He popped out but will be home soon. Any idea what I could say here?

OP posts:
Namechange4234 · 23/12/2023 09:54

cornishlassy · 23/12/2023 09:52

I don’t know! I have no idea where we go from here. I feel like the worst person ever, but I know I’ve not done anything wrong! What do I do now?

I'd dump him. He gives me the ick

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 23/12/2023 09:55

cornishlassy · 23/12/2023 09:52

I don’t know! I have no idea where we go from here. I feel like the worst person ever, but I know I’ve not done anything wrong! What do I do now?

Why do you feel like that though! youve done nothing wrong

I seriously got the ice from your lady thread. He didn't want sex with you and ignored your wishes for ^years* and now won't leave you alone or respect your boundaries.

How low does he have to go before you start realising he's scum not a keeper.

ConnieCroydon · 23/12/2023 09:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 23/12/2023 09:55

Ick not ice! Xmas Grin

Cherrysoup · 23/12/2023 09:55

You tell him to stop being an insecure twat and remind him that he virtually ignored you before you lost weight, the arsehole. Then you tell him to improve his shit behaviour. He’s trying to control you with this shitty treatment. Don’t allow him to hide you away.

dudsville · 23/12/2023 09:56

Don't sit on a corner. Wear something you feel fabulous in!

MacLaine · 23/12/2023 09:57

Sounds like he’s realised you can do better

MahShinyShoes · 23/12/2023 10:03

Yep, you need to turn 'feeling bad' into 'feeling really pissed off at DHs shit behaviour', stop keeping the peace & have a big row.

Everything that @pointythings and @Cherrysoup said.

He's being a jealous arse.

SuspiciousSue · 23/12/2023 10:03

You don’t sound like you’re that interested in him either tbh. You went on a night out with him and spent ages talking to other people, I think anyone would be miffed at that. Obviously that doesn’t excuse any of his other bad behaviour but maybe this relationship has just run its course.

pointythings · 23/12/2023 10:04

SuspiciousSue · 23/12/2023 10:03

You don’t sound like you’re that interested in him either tbh. You went on a night out with him and spent ages talking to other people, I think anyone would be miffed at that. Obviously that doesn’t excuse any of his other bad behaviour but maybe this relationship has just run its course.

Here come the handmaidens!

Calliopespa · 23/12/2023 10:07

What I find really depressing about this thread is that the same person can be elevated ( from being ignored to warranting jealous guarding) in a man’s eyes because of weight loss and a face lift. I mean I know that’s not big news, and not isolated to this guy by any means, but seriously girls: are we this shallow? I honestly feel as though I’m not. I think OP I’d feel so indignant about that … I mean does this not offend your fatter, saggier-faced self?