Parents being awkward.

[KentLife01]

Hi all, just after opinions or similar experiences if I may.
My husband and I bought a dog a year and a half ago. He's enriched our lives especially as we don't have children. I guess the dog is like our child. He is with me all the time as I work from home. My husband does 12hr shifts so is out of the house weird and wonderful hours.
Our dog has come with me to visit my parents over long weekends. They live about a 3hr drive from us so we don't see them often. In the summer my dad asked me not to bring the dog. His house, his rules and although I was upset, I compromised and with a lot of juggling around, my husband managed to get time off to look after the dog. My dad said that the dog is welcome at theirs but they don't think he settles well there which is true to an extent but my dad is part of the reason. My dad whistles a lot and our dog is whistle trained, and my dad gets up at 4am each morning which disturbs the entire household. My dog has never chewed or destroyed anything at their house. Roll onto Christmas and I suggest going to see them. I'm told it would be easier not to! I then find out that my brother who is pet free, is going to theirs on the same dates I suggested. I'm hurt and upset. They know my husband is working all over Christmas so I will be on my own whilst the 3 of them celebrate Christmas together. Clearly my dog is not welcome. So I feel like my dad lied to me in the summer. It isn't just about Christmas either as I feel like we'll never be welcome. Plus, it means they'll never get to see my husband if I give in as he will have to stay at home with the dog. I refuse to kennel the dog as he's sensitive and would be confused. We have no one else that could look after him for various reasons. I will be speaking to my dad after Christmas about it. My mum will be upset by all of this and wants me and the dog there but she won't speak against my dad. I don't want to fall out with them but they are not compromising at all. They said they would come to us after Christmas but my husband and I both work and it's not always convenient for us to have them around when we have work and other commitments. They aren't getting younger and the journey is long so eventually they will stop visiting us. Thoughts welcomed.

They are not being unreasonable not wanting you to take your dog (I agree with the majority on that) but they are being unreasonable giving you such little notice. If they'd given you more notice, you would've had more time to make alternative arrangements for the dog. It sounds as if you don't want though, because your dog is "sensitive", but that's very unreasonable and you need to find some kind of solution for future occasions, as PPs have suggested.

We got a dog without properly thinking this issue through! Now we can't visit either set of parents unless just one of us goes and we've got used to doing things solo. Or we just host things at ours a lot. No way would I force a dog on anyone else.

I find the family set-ups on this thread so bizarre. My parents are not strangers and wouldn't treat their kids as such. Maybe they wouldn't have anyone else's dog in their house, but to exclude their own kids from Christmas dinner is crazy and I don't know anyone in real life who would do this. My dog is not my kid (I have one of those as well 😂), but he's part of our family and will be with the whole family on Christmas to open his presents 🐶🎄🎅

I find people’s attitudes towards their dogs so bizarre. Yes, pets are beloved members of the family but they are still pets. They’re not children and don’t have to be a package deal. Other people are well within their rights to say they don’t want your pet in their house because they don’t love it the way you do. A dog is still a dog no matter who it belongs to.

Other people - sure I would never impose my dog on any friends/acquaintances/strangers who didn't want him, but these are my parents. They wouldn't want me to be alone on Christmas day if that was the alternative to me bringing my dog (as it happens we're bringing our dog to my parents house this Christmas 🎄)

We’re going round in circles here. Great that your parents are ok with that. They don’t need to be and that doesn’t make them bad parents.

@XelaM

Your situation is completely different to OPs. Your parents are fine with you bringing the dog. That’s great! However, OPs parents are not. She is asking for ideas about what she can do with the dog so she visit her family for Christmas. Kennels are not an option. Her dog will have to have kennel cough vaccine 3 weeks before a kennel stay. As the dog has never been kennelled before I doubt very much it will already have had the kennel cough vaccine. Having a home sitter or dog walker will prove to Be nigh on impossible over Christmas.

I hope OP finds a way to visit her family over Christmas although I don’t think her parents are being unreasonable for not wanting a dog in their home.

I would reiterate what others have said; you need a dog sitter. Our dog wouldn’t cope with kennels either (our old dog was fine at kennels) so on the odd occasion we can’t take him somewhere he goes to the dog sitter - he seems perfectly happy there (probably spoilt rotten). My parents, who live miles away, aren’t keen on our dog either because he sheds hair. It is what it is.

I think it does make them shitty parents to leave their daughter alone on Christmas day.

Their adult married daughter? Course it does. Once you are a parent you have to sit at home every Christmas, high day and holiday to ensure you're available for your offspring and their pets.

I live in a small house which I take a lot of pride in keeping clean and tidy. I will already have lots of guests over Christmas, including my elderly father who needs a lot of help and who has no experience of dogs. He would not know how to behave around a dog and we are already tight for space. If one of my children wanted to bring a dog along, I'd would ask them to make other arrangements for it or not come. My house. My rules.
However, I think in OP's case the father saying it was fine a few months ago but then changing his mind, is not particularly helpful.

She’s choosing to be alone by refusing to leave the dog. The last minute saying no is not great but a red herring. The OP said she doesn’t want to use kennels anyway so it’s irrelevant how much notice was given.

They are not being unreasonable not wanting you to take your dog (I agree with the majority on that) but they are being unreasonable giving you such little notice. If they'd given you more notice, you would've had more time to make alternative arrangements for the dog. It sounds as if you don't want though, because your dog is "sensitive", but that's very unreasonable and you need to find some kind of solution for future occasions, as PPs have suggested.

They DID give notice. The last time OP wanted to go visit, the dad made it clear he did not want the dog coming to stay with them for several days & OP needed to make other arrangements. Reasonable, considerate adults would have taken that as their queue to look into changes to make before the next multi-day visit - talk to the father about what she could do to make it work (stay in lodgings and bring the dog only during the day, make it a 1-night visit, vigilantly address specific behavior in the house), work on finding a trusted sitter and acclimating the dog to some separation, or ask for time off work so OP and DH could host the parents around Christmas without "inconveniencing" themselves.

Instead, OP decided to just ignore the issue for 6 months, plan to bring the dog next time as if the dad had never said anything, and then call her parents a week before Christmas and say "I'm coming up with the dog for 3 days at Christmas." Now (because the OP has ignored this until it's too late to find other good options) the dad can only choose between being the big meanie by saying no or completely abandoning his attempt to set a boundary in his home. Yes, OP's dad could do more to communicate bluntly & proactively, but OP is making it as difficult as possible and the onus is on her as the dog owner.

My mum downsized this year so her place is no longer suitable (imo) for dogs. This means that I’ll just have to leave them at home with my Dh and organise to go when he’s available and he’ll never come with me again. It’s just tough, I am not entitled to take my dogs everywhere.

Well, you're not really ' on your own ' if your husband's is doing his shift and will return home.
You could :
* Leave the dog with your husband
* Ask your Mother over for Christmas
I am currently still trying to accept ' A Lone Christmas Day'. ( Which has happened every year for over a decade) After always being part of a bustling family, it's difficult. After being the main Cook and Bottle washer for many years as a parent I always ( mistakenly) thought I would be with my adult children at Christmas but they choose to stay with their in-laws every year, so it's been a bitter pill to swallow.
I see you will not be completely alone though

Which is different to some people, ALL ALONE in every sense

Thank you all for your honest responses. I am not chosing my dog over my family. Next year, I will look at dog friendly hotels, dog sitters and visit them alone when I can. My husband is not a home worker. He has an hour and a half commute to work then does a 10 hour shift so leaving the dog alone for that amount of time would be cruel and unfair. He is used to being alone for max 4 hours when my husband and I visit friends, go for dinner, shopping etc. I am willing to compromise with my parents but it upset and disappointed me with the short notice and being alone over the holidays. I will make the best of it though and go for walks, watch Christmas movies, eat a load of chocolate and have a few glasses of something. I've told my parents I respect their decision, their house their rules etc etc. I do accept that not everyone wants other people's pets in their homes. Shoe on the other foot, I'd probably feel the same if it was a dog that was not obedient. My parents don't know our dog and even though my brother and I grew up with dogs, I appreciate they may not appreciate the hair/smell etc. It certainly isn't because he isn't well trained. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to reply. Happy Christmas.