Parents being awkward.

[KentLife01]

Hi all, just after opinions or similar experiences if I may.
My husband and I bought a dog a year and a half ago. He's enriched our lives especially as we don't have children. I guess the dog is like our child. He is with me all the time as I work from home. My husband does 12hr shifts so is out of the house weird and wonderful hours.
Our dog has come with me to visit my parents over long weekends. They live about a 3hr drive from us so we don't see them often. In the summer my dad asked me not to bring the dog. His house, his rules and although I was upset, I compromised and with a lot of juggling around, my husband managed to get time off to look after the dog. My dad said that the dog is welcome at theirs but they don't think he settles well there which is true to an extent but my dad is part of the reason. My dad whistles a lot and our dog is whistle trained, and my dad gets up at 4am each morning which disturbs the entire household. My dog has never chewed or destroyed anything at their house. Roll onto Christmas and I suggest going to see them. I'm told it would be easier not to! I then find out that my brother who is pet free, is going to theirs on the same dates I suggested. I'm hurt and upset. They know my husband is working all over Christmas so I will be on my own whilst the 3 of them celebrate Christmas together. Clearly my dog is not welcome. So I feel like my dad lied to me in the summer. It isn't just about Christmas either as I feel like we'll never be welcome. Plus, it means they'll never get to see my husband if I give in as he will have to stay at home with the dog. I refuse to kennel the dog as he's sensitive and would be confused. We have no one else that could look after him for various reasons. I will be speaking to my dad after Christmas about it. My mum will be upset by all of this and wants me and the dog there but she won't speak against my dad. I don't want to fall out with them but they are not compromising at all. They said they would come to us after Christmas but my husband and I both work and it's not always convenient for us to have them around when we have work and other commitments. They aren't getting younger and the journey is long so eventually they will stop visiting us. Thoughts welcomed.

I think some of the replies you are receiving are too critical. I have a dog as well, a 6 month old kooiker. Kooikers are a sensitive breed and as a rule aren't particularly friendly with strangers - mine doesn't bark or anything, but he will remove himself from any situation with strangers, and some people or big dogs scare him, so he can't be left in kennels. I wouldn't want him to go through so much stress, and you wrote yours can't be given away either, so I get that, and all those who suggested you should just kennel him have obviously never had a sensitive dog.
We have found a dog sitter my dog likes, she lives nearby and visited us a few times, went for walks with us and so on. If you can afford it, then I would try to find someone like that, so that you're a bit more flexible in the future. Maybe they can come visit you until then?
But I get that you're hurt - to you, the dog is family, your parents obviously don't see it that way. My dad stopped caring for my dog because he wasn't as playful and affectionate as he would have liked - he now simply ignores him. I know I can't influence it, but somehow I'm still disappointed in him as a person, it's a new side of him I didn't know before.

Yes they know I'll be alone all over Christmas. Getting a dog sitter is fine for the future but seems people book dog sitters months in advance. I'd be happy for the dog to stay home and have someone stay with him but at such short notice, it's not going to happen this year.

You've known since the summer visit that your dad doesn't want the dog there, so he hasn't sprung this on you. You now have no option but to stop at home with the dog and see your parents after Christmas, which isn't a bad compromise.

You'll see your husband around his work shifts, and he'd have been home alone at those times if you had gone away so not a bad outcome.

Also not many people want to be dog sitting on Christmas day itself. It's really worth establishing a few contacts either paid through something like rover.com or unpaid borrowmydoggy.com, and for popular periods you need to book months in advance.

Actually that isn't true. My dad told me during my summer visit that the dog was welcome then mid December thinking there was no issue, was told it was easier not to come so it has been sprung on me. However, I will not suggest it again in the future. I will look at dog sitters in the new year but cannot get one this close to Christmas. I like the suggestion someone else has made about staying in a dog friendly location near to parents.

It's shitty of them to tell you that you can't come on such a short notice. Can you plan some day trips with your dog, so that the two of you could do something nice and have fun? Beats being home alone and thinking about them. And be sure to post lots of pictures with your happy dog, as a FY.

Do you prefer your parents or your dog?

Nobody is bringing a dog into my house. Their options would be to leave it at their own house or it can stay outside at mine. I think it's up to the person whose home it is, so I think you have to make a decision about which is more important to you, staying with your dog wherever you go, or seeing your parents.

Also, dogs can live a long time. Are you really never going to kennel the dog in its entire lifetime? You might find your social life suffers if all of your plans involve a choice between taking your dog with you or staying home with your dog.

Post photos with her dog as a fuck you? What age are you? 😂

My in-laws are coming to my house on Christmas Day and bringing their dog. I'm not keen on this but it is either this or they don't come. It won't be allowed in the main house and will be relegated to the conservatory though. I like dogs but the reality is their hound smells, is poorly trained, climbs on furniture and would just trample over the children's new toys and beg at the table. It is horrendously spoilt. I can't say any of this of course, as I would be the worst in the world if I did, and they would take immediate offence.

But the reality is, if it was allowed free access (which they think it should as it is"part of the family") it would ruin my Christmas. I'd be constantly stressed and irritated trying to keep it out of things and would probably end up spending most of Boxing Day cleaning to try and get rid of damp dog smell.

So from their perspective, I'm awkward and making them feel less welcome, but from mine they are lacking self awareness of how big an imposition bringing it is.

You cannot impose the dog on anybody and be upset if they reject this. You have to put a support network in place (dog sitter etc) so that you can attend events without a dog.

There are plenty of dog-friendly accommodation choices, so if you want to visit but can't find a dog sitter then that's an option. Or they just see you and your DH stays at home. I'm with you on refusing to put in kennels though - I certainly wouldn't kennel my dogs although have used dog sitters for holidays quite successfully. There are also dog sitters who will have the dog in their own home - worth asking round locally.

I do not want a dog in my house.
I loves dogs but don't want the hairs on my floors, sofas, carpets - sorry but I am with your dad.

My dog is no longer alive, she did well and lived to 19 but all good things come to an end. She was a rescue and we left her in kennels and swore we'd never do it to her again. We found a lovely couple, they were retired and they "fostered" dogs in their home. They were dog lovers and it was something they enjoyed and a bit of money for them. My dog loved them, loved stay with them. Would something like that work?

i love dogs, i love my moms little dog who i chose and picked up, he slept with me from an 8 week old pup. However, i don't want a dog and i don't want dogs in my house. They smell and as much as you think they don't they make the house smell too. It's not fair to impose that on other people.

Since when did everyone become entitled to bring their dogs wherever they go? Honestly it’s becoming a bit of a joke that people get these pets and then think they should bring them to everyone’s houses or BBQ’s etc.

I remember having dogs growing up and no one did this, we just went out and left them at home with food and the radio on, and they didn’t die from it.

Sorry but I’m with the vast majority here too. Other people’s dogs can be total pains (smells, hair, stains, noise). Although we love them and think they are well behaved other people might not and if your parents aren’t dog people then it sounds like the dog has to be left at home.

We had a beautiful and very well trained spaniel who sadly died this year. My husband and I both also worked 12 hr shifts and tried work it so she wasn’t home alone too often. However she WAS trained to be in the house for long periods alone. Mostly one of us would get away at lunch to take her a walk if we were both working, but sometimes not. She got used to this and on the rare occasion that both of us were working and neither of us could get away to let her out she’d be absolutely fine as we’d trained her to be.

I am 100% a doggy person but I do feel people can be too precious about their dogs these days. They are usually only anxious about being left alone because they haven’t been trained otherwise. It’s not good for the dog not to be prepared to be alone for periods.

I wouldn’t want people to bring a dog for Christmas. We have looked after a friend’s dog whilst they’ve been on holiday and that was fine because we agreed. When people just insist on bringing their dog everywhere, I do have to roll my eyes and I don’t want them to come. It’s quite selfish I feel because it’s your dog and you love it but no one else feels the same. You have options but are choosing not to let your dog be apart from you at any point.

I do like dogs but generally find life easier without them around. It’s why we made the decision not to get a dog.

I wouldn't have a dog in my house either.

YABU. I'd put the dog in kennels and go if I were you.

Seems like a straight choice between your parents and your dog. You chose the dog. That's fine - that's what you want, so no issues there. But it then seems very odd to blame your parents for YOUR decision.

YABU for insisting on taking the dog with you.
Your father is being unreasonable for getting up at 4am every morning. Your poor mother.

I think you have a cheek to state your dad won’t compromise.
You bought a dog.
You won’t put it in a kennel.
You expect them to put up with a dog in their house that they didn’t have a say in.
We love dogs, but I paid people to look after them when I went away. We would not want to have a dog staying overnight in our house now.
i don’t want the hair, the wet dog smell, been there we are older now and want the freedom of not being tied.
You own a dog get a pet sitter or put it in a kennel. You sound selfish wanting to take it to your parents house.

Let's be honest, your dad just isn't that nice a bloke.

Spend it with your pup he appreciates and loves you. Family can be absurd. We have a Daughter aged 9 and a fluffy boy (doggo) aged 14 I'm not for anyone who doesn't appreciate them both to be fair!

This is absolutely on you, sorry.

I'm the epitome of a dog person and now a handler of an assistance dog who I love so much it hurts. But you're being utterly unreasonable here and likely owe your parents several apologies.

You are not entitled to bring your dog to stay in other peoples' homes, and they are not at fault for ways their homes or habits aren't conducive to your dog staying (i.e. whistling or waking up early). It sounds like your father tried to be gentle about this over the summer and you handled it grudgingly, yet nothing has actually changed on your end to make them think any subsequent visits with the dog will be improved.

Work on the separation issues on both sides - I would bet good money that this is not all about the dog being sensitive. Practice being in noisy/busy environments calmly and interacting with a variety of people. Find a sitter you trust and practice leaving the dog regularly.

They want to see you, they’ve suggested coming to you after Christmas. You are being a bit unreasonable even though I understand your disappointment..