Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Parents being awkward.

141 replies

KentLife01 · 19/12/2023 09:49

Hi all, just after opinions or similar experiences if I may.
My husband and I bought a dog a year and a half ago. He's enriched our lives especially as we don't have children. I guess the dog is like our child. He is with me all the time as I work from home. My husband does 12hr shifts so is out of the house weird and wonderful hours.
Our dog has come with me to visit my parents over long weekends. They live about a 3hr drive from us so we don't see them often. In the summer my dad asked me not to bring the dog. His house, his rules and although I was upset, I compromised and with a lot of juggling around, my husband managed to get time off to look after the dog. My dad said that the dog is welcome at theirs but they don't think he settles well there which is true to an extent but my dad is part of the reason. My dad whistles a lot and our dog is whistle trained, and my dad gets up at 4am each morning which disturbs the entire household. My dog has never chewed or destroyed anything at their house. Roll onto Christmas and I suggest going to see them. I'm told it would be easier not to! I then find out that my brother who is pet free, is going to theirs on the same dates I suggested. I'm hurt and upset. They know my husband is working all over Christmas so I will be on my own whilst the 3 of them celebrate Christmas together. Clearly my dog is not welcome. So I feel like my dad lied to me in the summer. It isn't just about Christmas either as I feel like we'll never be welcome. Plus, it means they'll never get to see my husband if I give in as he will have to stay at home with the dog. I refuse to kennel the dog as he's sensitive and would be confused. We have no one else that could look after him for various reasons. I will be speaking to my dad after Christmas about it. My mum will be upset by all of this and wants me and the dog there but she won't speak against my dad. I don't want to fall out with them but they are not compromising at all. They said they would come to us after Christmas but my husband and I both work and it's not always convenient for us to have them around when we have work and other commitments. They aren't getting younger and the journey is long so eventually they will stop visiting us. Thoughts welcomed.

OP posts:
Myyearmytime · 20/12/2023 22:51

Anywhere you stay that is dog friendly you will find that can't leave your dog there alone .so your dog will still have to come with you to your parents.

Bookgrrrl · 20/12/2023 22:54

Why do so many dog owners expect the world to revolve around their dog??

I have had friends with dogs that allow them to jump and slobber all over me, even when I have asked them not to let their dog do so. I have a cat and understand that not everyone likes them, obviously I don’t take the cat with me anywhere, but if people come over and I know they don’t like cats I try to stop the cat from going over to sniff them, climb on them, etc.

adomizo · 20/12/2023 23:01

What breed of dog is this ? I can see your point to an extent but the dog isn't a child though. Lots of people just don't like dogs and don't want them in their house. It's not about you...its the dog.

SallyWD · 20/12/2023 23:04

I understand that dogs are very loyal and loving companions but I don't think dog owners understand just how disruptive it is to have a dog in your house, especially if you're not used to them.
I'm an animal lover but really would feel very uncomfortable having a dog in my house for several days.
I have a friend with two young and very lively dogs. She wants to come and stay with them for 4 nights! First of all, they would absolutely terrify my cat. I genuinely believe he'd just run away. But even if I didn't have a cat, the thought of her two lively and massive dogs in the house for 5 days is rather disturbing. Nothing against her, I love her. I just can't cope with those dogs. I'm sure it's the same situation with your dad.

ganglion · 20/12/2023 23:04

Is your dog a cocker spaniel?

2jacqi · 20/12/2023 23:09

LadyDanburysHat · 19/12/2023 09:53

You need to make the dog more resilient if you want to be social and stay with other people. Get the dog used to being away from you, and able to stay with others or kennels. Your Dad is perfectly reasonable to no want a dog in his house. You are the problem, not your parents.

@LadyDanburysHat If the dog is trained to the whistle then there is nothing OP can do!! Have you ever tried to retrain a dog to react to anything other than a whistle if that is what they are used to??

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 20/12/2023 23:12

But you don't want a compromise. You want to stamp your foot and get you're own way.

Because if he 'compromises' you don't have to. Do you?

The dog is not a child. It's an animal. And you're just making poor choices if you have it with you 24/7.

momonpurpose · 20/12/2023 23:14

As a dog lover and owner this is not on. I would not want any one to bring their dog over and I'd never take mine. As you said your dog is like your child. Then do what people do when it's not a child friendly occasion. Get a sitter or send the dog to the kennel

2jacqi · 20/12/2023 23:15

SallyWD · 20/12/2023 23:04

I understand that dogs are very loyal and loving companions but I don't think dog owners understand just how disruptive it is to have a dog in your house, especially if you're not used to them.
I'm an animal lover but really would feel very uncomfortable having a dog in my house for several days.
I have a friend with two young and very lively dogs. She wants to come and stay with them for 4 nights! First of all, they would absolutely terrify my cat. I genuinely believe he'd just run away. But even if I didn't have a cat, the thought of her two lively and massive dogs in the house for 5 days is rather disturbing. Nothing against her, I love her. I just can't cope with those dogs. I'm sure it's the same situation with your dad.

@SallyWD OPs dog is trained. my dogs are trained. that means they are nice and calm. you do not notice they are there at all.

Diggerdriverless · 20/12/2023 23:17

Your dad asked you in the summer not to bring the dog so you should have started then to plan how you would visit your parents without him. You're not doing your dog any favours making him so dependent on you, he needs to be comfortable and resilient in other settings - dog-sitter, house-sitter, kennels (you can find ones with heated, indoor kennels and 24 hour cctv).

Fullofxmascbeer · 20/12/2023 23:18

From when our dog was a small pup we sent him to doggy daycare once a week. We didn’t need to at the time (covid) but we knew that we would need him to be looked after in the future for holidays, days out etc. He loves it and runs in without looking back. It’s a second home from home for him.

UsingChangeofName · 20/12/2023 23:19

As so many others have said. It isn't your parents being awkward. They are perfectly entitled to not want a dog living in their house for a few days.
You are being daft to get a dog that you can't ever leave.

Pigeonqueen · 20/12/2023 23:19

This is insane. There’s no way I’d want anyone bringing a dog with them to visit me. No thanks. You need to get a dog sitter - get a walker who dog sits and have regular walks so they can get used to them - or get them used to kennels. You’re going to destroy your relationship with your parents over a dog otherwise.

Goldbar · 20/12/2023 23:23

To non-dog people, having a dog in the house is very noticeable. My sister has a (well-trained) dog and occasionally brings it to stay, which I don't mind, but I do notice the mess, the smell, the dirt, the hair everywhere, the food and water on the floor in the kitchen (we have a small house with no utility or bootroom). And it lingers... I find hair on the carpet, sofa and sheets for days afterwards and just have this sense of being slightly grubby.

I love seeing my sister though and I quite like the dog, who is very sweet. Also, my hygiene standards in general aren't super-high 😂. So I can deal with it. But I think YABU to minimise the impact on your parents, who are older and may potentially be more set in their ways.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 20/12/2023 23:28

I wouldn't kennel my dogs, but I would find a dog sitter to have them.

It's far too late now to sort one for this Christmas as there is only 2 working days left.

Your local Council will have a list of licensed dog sitters. Contact them ( the sitters ) in the New Year, have a chat, then a visit and see what you think and what they think too.

Make sure you are happy with how they will look after your dog, do they have other people's dogs at the same time ? do they have dogs of their own, where will your dog sleep ? is their garden secure ? where do they go dog walking - will your dog be let off lead etc etc.

Then book your dog in for a day / overnight. Just for your peace of mind. You don't even have to go away.

Try and choose 2 dog sitters that you like and that like your dog, then you have a choice next time you do go to your parents.

I have good memories of getting on a train at London Euston with a Rottweiller :) and a golden lab to go to Glasgow Central and my father being on the platform ready to meet us.

momonpurpose · 20/12/2023 23:28

Part of being a parent to a furry or child is responsibility and making sure you have reliable care for them when you can't be there. It's insanity to think he can never be away from you or your dh. It's just not reality. What if you end up in the hospital and dh has to work to keep the roof over your head? Can you imagine how stressful for your dog as it only knows to be with you 24/7?

tachetastic · 20/12/2023 23:29

KentLife01 · 19/12/2023 09:49

Hi all, just after opinions or similar experiences if I may.
My husband and I bought a dog a year and a half ago. He's enriched our lives especially as we don't have children. I guess the dog is like our child. He is with me all the time as I work from home. My husband does 12hr shifts so is out of the house weird and wonderful hours.
Our dog has come with me to visit my parents over long weekends. They live about a 3hr drive from us so we don't see them often. In the summer my dad asked me not to bring the dog. His house, his rules and although I was upset, I compromised and with a lot of juggling around, my husband managed to get time off to look after the dog. My dad said that the dog is welcome at theirs but they don't think he settles well there which is true to an extent but my dad is part of the reason. My dad whistles a lot and our dog is whistle trained, and my dad gets up at 4am each morning which disturbs the entire household. My dog has never chewed or destroyed anything at their house. Roll onto Christmas and I suggest going to see them. I'm told it would be easier not to! I then find out that my brother who is pet free, is going to theirs on the same dates I suggested. I'm hurt and upset. They know my husband is working all over Christmas so I will be on my own whilst the 3 of them celebrate Christmas together. Clearly my dog is not welcome. So I feel like my dad lied to me in the summer. It isn't just about Christmas either as I feel like we'll never be welcome. Plus, it means they'll never get to see my husband if I give in as he will have to stay at home with the dog. I refuse to kennel the dog as he's sensitive and would be confused. We have no one else that could look after him for various reasons. I will be speaking to my dad after Christmas about it. My mum will be upset by all of this and wants me and the dog there but she won't speak against my dad. I don't want to fall out with them but they are not compromising at all. They said they would come to us after Christmas but my husband and I both work and it's not always convenient for us to have them around when we have work and other commitments. They aren't getting younger and the journey is long so eventually they will stop visiting us. Thoughts welcomed.

I am 100% a dog person, but I agree with other comments. Your Dad's home is his home.

This won't be a fix for this Christmas, but is there any way you could build a relationship with a dog walker who will begin walking your dog, and then take them for an occasional night, building that up until you can spend a few days away from home without stressing the dog too much?

Please don't just drive up to a kennel for the first time, drop the dog off and drive away. The dog has no idea who these people are and for all intents and purposes has just been abandoned.

sandyhappypeople · 20/12/2023 23:31

KentLife01 · 19/12/2023 12:39

Actually that isn't true. My dad told me during my summer visit that the dog was welcome then mid December thinking there was no issue, was told it was easier not to come so it has been sprung on me. However, I will not suggest it again in the future. I will look at dog sitters in the new year but cannot get one this close to Christmas. I like the suggestion someone else has made about staying in a dog friendly location near to parents.

Just FYI, most dog friendly places stipulate that you can’t leave the dog alone in the premises.

I’m not sure why your parents coming to you would be a problem, surely it’s just the opposite as if you went there, you’d still have to have the time off for it, so why not let them come to you instead?

MahShinyShoes · 20/12/2023 23:32

You say:
they are not compromising at all.

Then you describe the compromise they offered:
They said they would come to us after Christmas

And then you detail why your parents aren't welcome in your home:
but my husband and I both work and it's not always convenient for us to have them around when we have work and other commitments

But you think they are unreasonable because your dog isn't welcome in their home?

thinslicedham · 20/12/2023 23:33

All this about people not wanting dogs in their homes and how that's perfectly reasonable... Would you really rather exclude one of your children than put up with a well-behaved dog for a few days? That's crazy to me. I'd be very hurt if my parents wouldn't endure a slightly inconvenient dog visit for the sake of seeing me and DH at Christmas.

Pigeonqueen · 20/12/2023 23:35

thinslicedham · 20/12/2023 23:33

All this about people not wanting dogs in their homes and how that's perfectly reasonable... Would you really rather exclude one of your children than put up with a well-behaved dog for a few days? That's crazy to me. I'd be very hurt if my parents wouldn't endure a slightly inconvenient dog visit for the sake of seeing me and DH at Christmas.

The reverse is also true….

What child, who loved their parents and wanted to spend time with them, would forfeit that for the sake of a dog who could be (with some forethought) placed in a kennel or with a loving dog Walker / sitter for a couple of days?

Avatartar · 20/12/2023 23:36

Stick the dog in kennels- sounds like it needs dog time not 100% human- they are pack animals, it’ll be loads of fun. Ours started as pups and it did wonders for their social skills and recognising how to behave in dog world. Give your dog a holiday!

Goldbar · 20/12/2023 23:39

thinslicedham · 20/12/2023 23:33

All this about people not wanting dogs in their homes and how that's perfectly reasonable... Would you really rather exclude one of your children than put up with a well-behaved dog for a few days? That's crazy to me. I'd be very hurt if my parents wouldn't endure a slightly inconvenient dog visit for the sake of seeing me and DH at Christmas.

Having a dog in the house can make you miserable if you're not a dog person. They make mess, they have a certain smell, hair gets everywhere, you can't sit down anywhere without finding dog hair, you get hair on your clothes. I get that if you're used to it, you may not realise how invasive it can be for other people, but they really can make it impossible for some people to relax.

Tacotortoise · 20/12/2023 23:41

thinslicedham · 20/12/2023 23:33

All this about people not wanting dogs in their homes and how that's perfectly reasonable... Would you really rather exclude one of your children than put up with a well-behaved dog for a few days? That's crazy to me. I'd be very hurt if my parents wouldn't endure a slightly inconvenient dog visit for the sake of seeing me and DH at Christmas.

But why would my children not visit because I wouldn't host their pet? That's not normal behaviour Confused

tachetastic · 20/12/2023 23:41

Avatartar · 20/12/2023 23:36

Stick the dog in kennels- sounds like it needs dog time not 100% human- they are pack animals, it’ll be loads of fun. Ours started as pups and it did wonders for their social skills and recognising how to behave in dog world. Give your dog a holiday!

@KentLife01 Please, please, please, do not "stick the dog in kennels" if this is not what they are used to.

If they started in kennels as pups then that is a great thing, but if they didn't then dropping them in the deep end as an adult is just cruel. In this case they need time to get used to their new temporary home, knowing that you will be back in no time at all.....

Swipe left for the next trending thread