Parents being awkward.

[KentLife01]

Hi all, just after opinions or similar experiences if I may.
My husband and I bought a dog a year and a half ago. He's enriched our lives especially as we don't have children. I guess the dog is like our child. He is with me all the time as I work from home. My husband does 12hr shifts so is out of the house weird and wonderful hours.
Our dog has come with me to visit my parents over long weekends. They live about a 3hr drive from us so we don't see them often. In the summer my dad asked me not to bring the dog. His house, his rules and although I was upset, I compromised and with a lot of juggling around, my husband managed to get time off to look after the dog. My dad said that the dog is welcome at theirs but they don't think he settles well there which is true to an extent but my dad is part of the reason. My dad whistles a lot and our dog is whistle trained, and my dad gets up at 4am each morning which disturbs the entire household. My dog has never chewed or destroyed anything at their house. Roll onto Christmas and I suggest going to see them. I'm told it would be easier not to! I then find out that my brother who is pet free, is going to theirs on the same dates I suggested. I'm hurt and upset. They know my husband is working all over Christmas so I will be on my own whilst the 3 of them celebrate Christmas together. Clearly my dog is not welcome. So I feel like my dad lied to me in the summer. It isn't just about Christmas either as I feel like we'll never be welcome. Plus, it means they'll never get to see my husband if I give in as he will have to stay at home with the dog. I refuse to kennel the dog as he's sensitive and would be confused. We have no one else that could look after him for various reasons. I will be speaking to my dad after Christmas about it. My mum will be upset by all of this and wants me and the dog there but she won't speak against my dad. I don't want to fall out with them but they are not compromising at all. They said they would come to us after Christmas but my husband and I both work and it's not always convenient for us to have them around when we have work and other commitments. They aren't getting younger and the journey is long so eventually they will stop visiting us. Thoughts welcomed.

Yep. I have nervous cats (new rescues).

No way in hell would I allow someone to bring a dog into my house.

If I travel, the cats will go to a chattery.

People on this thread refer to their kids as "someone" - that's crazy to me. I would endure a crocodile 🐊 in my home if it otherwise meant that my child would be alone over Christmas.

No, me either. And I'd whistle as much as I wanted to. YABVU, OP. Great that the dog has enriched your life, that's fantastic. Other people don't have to love it or make as many compromises for the dog's sake as you do.

Totally agree with ‘sewing stockings’. It seems you want it all ways - love me love my dog. I adore dogs, but don’t want visitors/guests to bring their dog to our house. Have some understanding for the other side of this situation, your parents are not being unreasonable. Dogs are not children, with forethought other arrangements can be made for them, they can and should be able to be left on occasion.

Yeah if my kids get dogs, their not bringing them over at Christmas. I'm with your Dad on this one.

No, treating one's dog as if they are part of a human family does not make them frequently anxious and needy at all. It is the ones that are treated like non sentient beings that are anxious and needy. Those are the ones that live in kennels in the garden, and not given lots of company, attention, walks and games, and most of all obvious love and care. Those poor dogs are treated as if they haven't spent thousands of years as our loyal companions and protectors. They love us unconditionally, if we can't do the same we should not have a dog in the first place.

A dog shouldn't be even occassionally left for 12 hours at a time. The strongly recommended time limit is 4 hours. They should have good human attention at the very least, every 4 hours. They need to be walked - or at least let out into the garden - at least every 4 hours, and they should always have access to fresh, clean water, which can't happen if they don't have any human contact for 12 hours! You are much more likely to have a nervous and unhappy dog if it is left without any of it's human family for that long.

The father had said YES in the summer - in July
then MID DECEMBER says NO

i.e. 5 months after saying yes.

Two working days left, no way is the dog going into decent kennels at this short notice, all the decent ones were booked months ago.

So as a result of father changing his mind, daughter will be alone on Christmas Day - luckily she will find lots of dogs and their families at the local dog walking spots on Christmas day.

The OP doesn't want nor need the parents visiting at some random date in the New Year - as she and her husband will be at work - or will need to book off annual leave !

It’s not often you’ll find someone who will welcome your dog into their home OP.

The last time I visited relatives I stayed in a Lodge a couple of miles from them. I took the dog for a long walk in the morning and went straight to my relatives home. After a long walk the dog was happy to sleep in the car while I spent a couple of hours visiting. Then we all went for a walk and took the dog. He was put back in the car after having his food and a drink and he settled. I had a cup of tea and a piece of cake then left my relatives and went back to the lodge. The evening was spent with the dog. I did pretty much the same the following day.

My dog would have much preferred to spend a couple of hours in the car (that he knows) than being left in a kennels that would be alien to him.

Would that work for you?

It looks as though the only comprising you’re willing to accept is they accept your dog?
Not everyone likes dogs and I wonder if he can be a pest to them?
I love my pets and hate leaving them, but I never expect people to have my dog/s in their houses or gardens ever.

3hrs away and you’d leave your DH alone all over Christmas?

Can you not stay in a cottage or hotel that allows dogs. Check the rules dog may be able to be left a 2/3hrs or so in a crate in the accommodation or allowed to be left while you visit your family. It's not many hours and you can go come back, see to your dog and go back to family after a couple of hours.
Another good option is you could also leave the dog at home and get a dog walker in to walk and feed your dog while your hubby is working as he will be home after work to look after your dog.
It isn't unreasonable for them to not want the dog round for any reason and specially if it doesn't settle. You don't specify either what your dog is doing while unsettled. Is it constantly pacing, panting etc which shows its anxiety, is it barking, running around, getting peoples way constantly. All these are very upsetting to watch, annoying and horrible for the dog.
It is just as inconvenient for them to have the dog there, as much as it is for you to have them come round to yours. You state working etc I'm sure they're capable of being left in your home, while you both work. They can relax, watch TV or go out etc.

I'm with your dad on this. You are being extremely unreasonable. I

It's up to your parents whether they want the dog in their home or not. We have dogs but I wouldn't take them to a house where they are clearly not invited. Ours go to kennels when needed and they get used to it. Alternatively get a dog sitter who looks after the dog in your home or their home. I think you're being unreasonable.

😆 why on earth would it be a 'fuck you' to her family? They don't want to see the dog!

And be sure to post lots of pictures with your happy dog, as a FY Posted by a previous poster. I have no idea why they thought the family would care at her posting happy photos with the dog.

Is your dog well behaved? You mentioned he is sensitive?
My cousin has a 'sensitive' dog, but that's because she doesn't treat it like a dog, no rules or boundaries so its a confused, stressed wee thing that doesn't know where it stands.

I have dogs but don’t want anyone else’s over, sorry. We have family who bring their dog everywhere, and it drives everyone crazy.

You need another solution, they aren’t BU. Also you can’t use the ‘we don’t have kids so the dog is like our child’ argument; it doesn’t make any difference.

why dont you explain it is too late for kennels, and just go up for 2 days with dog?

My parents would never exclude me from a family Christmas because we have a dog. Maybe keeping a show home is less important to them than spending time with their kids and grandchildren.

If I had a dog that I insisted on bringing everywhere, I would find myself not invited to my parents’ house for Christmas. My mum loves dogs but the house is not dog-proof and my dad doesn’t dislike them but he has fur allergies that set off his asthma. It would be several days of him struggling to breathe.

The OP’s parents aren’t saying they don’t want to spend time with her. They just don’t want the dog in their house which is their right. The OP wants her dad to change his behaviour in his own house to accommodate her dog that she chooses to bring everywhere. Nope. She’s being unreasonable.

but they only gave the op a week's notice.
try and persuade them op, i would

So is your husband going to be at home, but working? So he'll be spending Christmas at work or on his own if you go?
Wouldn't you rather just sleep/chill/relax when he's at work, have some nice time together when he's back and a proper big Christmas when he's finished?

Don't worry, they still love you, they just don't like the dog. I'd have a quiet Christmas at home, and welcome them to yours next year on a date that suits you.

Your dog is NOT your child and the problem is that you clearly treat it like one, we all love our animals but that's what they are ANIMALS. You need to get your dog trained properly and it will be fine to be left with a sitter or in a kennel or God forbid put in a dog flap and leave it in the house alone and get someone to walk it and feed it.

I’m with your Dad on this. I have dogs but don’t like having other people’s dogs to stay as it really disrupts everything and they always have some sort of a accident and destroy something (doors, carpets, walls) because their routine has been put out of kilter. I also wouldn’t take mine anywhere because it’s too stressful to do so and unfair on others.

As someone who wouldn't have a dog in my house, you ABSOLUTELY notice that they are there even if they behave. Hair, slobber, smells etc. It's a no from me

Put your damn dog in the kennel and join the family for goodness sake.