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Original poster

Parents being awkward.

141 replies

KentLife01 · 19/12/2023 09:49

Hi all, just after opinions or similar experiences if I may.
My husband and I bought a dog a year and a half ago. He's enriched our lives especially as we don't have children. I guess the dog is like our child. He is with me all the time as I work from home. My husband does 12hr shifts so is out of the house weird and wonderful hours.
Our dog has come with me to visit my parents over long weekends. They live about a 3hr drive from us so we don't see them often. In the summer my dad asked me not to bring the dog. His house, his rules and although I was upset, I compromised and with a lot of juggling around, my husband managed to get time off to look after the dog. My dad said that the dog is welcome at theirs but they don't think he settles well there which is true to an extent but my dad is part of the reason. My dad whistles a lot and our dog is whistle trained, and my dad gets up at 4am each morning which disturbs the entire household. My dog has never chewed or destroyed anything at their house. Roll onto Christmas and I suggest going to see them. I'm told it would be easier not to! I then find out that my brother who is pet free, is going to theirs on the same dates I suggested. I'm hurt and upset. They know my husband is working all over Christmas so I will be on my own whilst the 3 of them celebrate Christmas together. Clearly my dog is not welcome. So I feel like my dad lied to me in the summer. It isn't just about Christmas either as I feel like we'll never be welcome. Plus, it means they'll never get to see my husband if I give in as he will have to stay at home with the dog. I refuse to kennel the dog as he's sensitive and would be confused. We have no one else that could look after him for various reasons. I will be speaking to my dad after Christmas about it. My mum will be upset by all of this and wants me and the dog there but she won't speak against my dad. I don't want to fall out with them but they are not compromising at all. They said they would come to us after Christmas but my husband and I both work and it's not always convenient for us to have them around when we have work and other commitments. They aren't getting younger and the journey is long so eventually they will stop visiting us. Thoughts welcomed.

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 20/12/2023 23:45

thinslicedham · 20/12/2023 23:33

All this about people not wanting dogs in their homes and how that's perfectly reasonable... Would you really rather exclude one of your children than put up with a well-behaved dog for a few days? That's crazy to me. I'd be very hurt if my parents wouldn't endure a slightly inconvenient dog visit for the sake of seeing me and DH at Christmas.

Why is the people without the dog the unreasonable ones?

HolyZarquonsSingingSeals · 20/12/2023 23:53

Never prioritise your dog over your human relationships. It's a very slippery slope.

Cynderella · 20/12/2023 23:55

I invested too much in pets before I had children. I would not encourage anyone to do it. I would instead encourage people to spend more time with their parents while they still can. For OP, this year is not that time.

Dogs need to fit around people, so slowly and gradually, socialise a puppy or older dog if you want to spend time in other people's houses. Find kennels or dog sitters you trust. It's not easy, but there are people who will house sit for you. If you do it slowly, you can leave for a break feeling happy about the arrangements you've made.

Bs0u416d · 21/12/2023 00:08

I feel you. Had a lot of anguish this year when my DM asked us not to bring our dog. Long story short, he's going in kennels. I'm not thrilled about it but he's my dog and thus my problem if other people don't want to welcome him into their home. I didn't feel this way initially but a mumsnet thread that I started, helped my see I was being unreasonable.

Flatandhappy · 21/12/2023 00:10

I have a dog, used to have two, I would never expect to bring my dog/s to someone else’s house. I found the best solution with two was a house/pet sitter at home, with one he goes to a family home with dog lovers who will treat him well while we are away. I understand you are upset but it sounds like you didn’t listen to a very clear message from your parents that visiting with the dog is not an option.

momonpurpose · 21/12/2023 00:12

Cynderella · 20/12/2023 23:55

I invested too much in pets before I had children. I would not encourage anyone to do it. I would instead encourage people to spend more time with their parents while they still can. For OP, this year is not that time.

Dogs need to fit around people, so slowly and gradually, socialise a puppy or older dog if you want to spend time in other people's houses. Find kennels or dog sitters you trust. It's not easy, but there are people who will house sit for you. If you do it slowly, you can leave for a break feeling happy about the arrangements you've made.

This is excellent advice

catherinewales · 21/12/2023 00:17

Could you not stay in a pet friendly hotel near by?xx

silverspoonspoon · 21/12/2023 00:17

i wouldn’t want someone else’s dog at my house either 🤷🏻‍♀️

XelaM · 21/12/2023 00:27

Mumsnet hates dogs but back in the normal world of loving parents - there is no way on Earth my parents would prefer me to be alone on Christmas day than accommodate our dog. In fact, we're staying with our dog at my parents' house this Christmas. I find it completely bizarre that a parent would prefer their child to be alone over the holidays. It's not normal. Whilst we have a lovely dog walker and our dog can be home alone, I wouldn't want him to be away from his family over Christmas 🎅

givethedoggerbone · 21/12/2023 00:29

My MIL's house is like a showhome so I'd never bring my dog into it.

Equally, I don't need to 'teach my dog resilience' (wtf?) so we stay in a travelodge when we visit them.

There have never been a moment's drama about this in 20 years (and 3 different dogs).

XelaM · 21/12/2023 00:29

silverspoonspoon · 21/12/2023 00:17

i wouldn’t want someone else’s dog at my house either 🤷🏻‍♀️

"Someone else" being your own child - on Christmas day?

Selenitetower · 21/12/2023 00:29

Ive stopped being friends with people that can’t go anywhere without their dog. I get it, you love it, it’s like a child to you and all that jazz but for some people that don’t own a dog having one forced I to their home to appease people is frustrating and over time becomes intolerable. If you insist on bringing your pet everywhere with you then you need to understand that not everyone will want to have you and your dog in their home.

givethedoggerbone · 21/12/2023 00:31

momonpurpose · 21/12/2023 00:12

This is excellent advice

Show quote history

Or find dog-friendly accommodation and then everyone wins. Literally this has never been a problem for us. We neither take our dogs to other people's homes nor leave them behind.

XelaM · 21/12/2023 00:31

givethedoggerbone · 21/12/2023 00:29

My MIL's house is like a showhome so I'd never bring my dog into it.

Equally, I don't need to 'teach my dog resilience' (wtf?) so we stay in a travelodge when we visit them.

There have never been a moment's drama about this in 20 years (and 3 different dogs).

So what do you do with the dog when you visit their house? Leave him alone in the hotel room?

XelaM · 21/12/2023 00:33

Selenitetower · 21/12/2023 00:29

Ive stopped being friends with people that can’t go anywhere without their dog. I get it, you love it, it’s like a child to you and all that jazz but for some people that don’t own a dog having one forced I to their home to appease people is frustrating and over time becomes intolerable. If you insist on bringing your pet everywhere with you then you need to understand that not everyone will want to have you and your dog in their home.

You will stop being friends with your kids and prefer them to be alone on Christmas day over a dog? Mumsnet is totally crazy

givethedoggerbone · 21/12/2023 00:33

XelaM · 21/12/2023 00:31

So what do you do with the dog when you visit their house? Leave him alone in the hotel room?

Show quote history

We don't visit their house at all.

We go on long country walks.

Visit country pubs.

Go to dog-friendly theme parks.

Why would any of us want to sit around in my MIL's showhome?

Boomboom22 · 21/12/2023 00:33

Yabvvvu to think you can take your dog with you to other peoples houses.

Kinneddar · 21/12/2023 00:35

I don't want to fall out with them but they are not compromising at all

I'd say they're offering more compromises than you are

Selenitetower · 21/12/2023 00:36

If my children grow up and decide they want to have the responsibility of a pet then they can make arrangements for their animal when they want to visit. It’s not a hard task just one that people seem to refuse to do because they think their pet takes precedence and should be allowed to be wherever they are which I disagree with.

I have a cat, when I go on holidays I organise care for him, I don’t carry on and expect him to go everywhere with us. It’s called being a responsible pet owner.

Aprilx · 21/12/2023 00:36

I am a dog owner and I am also child free so the two small dogs are I suppose our family. But if somebody doesn’t want my dog in their house then that is their choice and I respect that. Your family have said that your dog is not welcome not that you are not welcome.

Ideally you should have started to get your dog used to going to kennels from young. When we got our first one, we gradually introduced him to kennels, first a day 9-5 stay, then an overnighter, building up. We use the same kennels eight years on and he and the younger one we got afterwards both adore kennels and go bounding over to the kennel owner the minute they can. You probably should start to do something similar in the new year.

user1492757084 · 21/12/2023 00:41

The dog need to be better trained to cope with kennels, and dog walkers feeding and walking it.
What type of breed is it?
I would never invite my dog into another person's home.
I have a portable kennel cage that stays outside with a lead.
I pick up poo, bring bowls and only dry food when on short holidays.

No one wants dog food in their kitchen, barking, dog hairs etc.
Your dog needs to be able to stay quietly outside and wait for you to walk it.

Respect that not everyone wants to have a dog to stay. Find other alternitives for short term care for your dog. Your parents and brother would be quite offended that you will not visit for Christmas. Is there not a kennel close to your parents?

momonpurpose · 21/12/2023 00:45

givethedoggerbone · 21/12/2023 00:31

Or find dog-friendly accommodation and then everyone wins. Literally this has never been a problem for us. We neither take our dogs to other people's homes nor leave them behind.

Show quote history

Absolutely! We recently took our boy on vacation and used the most wonder dog sitter on rover to watch him while we went to a parade!

XelaM · 21/12/2023 00:51

Your dog needs to be able to stay quietly outside and wait for you to walk it.

Poor dog 😞Why get a dog if you're keeping him in a "portable" cage outside?

My dog is not going to stay in the cold whilst the whole family is inside enjoying themselves. He is part of our family (and I have a kid so nothing to do with being childfree).

My parents would never exclude me from a family Christmas because we have a dog. Maybe keeping a show home is less important to them than spending time with their kids and grandchildren. 🤷‍♀️

WhichOneGoes · 21/12/2023 00:52

I love dogs but I really don't want other peoples dogs in my home even well behaved ones.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 21/12/2023 00:54

KentLife01 · 19/12/2023 12:39

Actually that isn't true. My dad told me during my summer visit that the dog was welcome then mid December thinking there was no issue, was told it was easier not to come so it has been sprung on me. However, I will not suggest it again in the future. I will look at dog sitters in the new year but cannot get one this close to Christmas. I like the suggestion someone else has made about staying in a dog friendly location near to parents.

You'll need to check that it's ok to either leave the dog alone at the premises for short periods of time (some venues might allow dogs but insist they are supervised at all times), or that your dad would be ok with that dog coming over for shorter periods of time.

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