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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He bought a women home

111 replies

tinker2190 · 17/12/2023 21:23

My husband and I (both 31) have been married for 8 years, together 10.
He works in a male dominated industry, there are 3 women in his department, the other 15 are men. One of the females colleagues has been working on a project with him for a month and a half.

Two weeks ago he invited her back to our home without telling me. They were in the house for half an hour and he tells me she was just waiting whilst he got ready.

I think I'm overreacting and need others to tell me so. But I'm so upset about it that I haven't told anyone, not my best girl friends or family.

I just think if the shoe was on the other foot and it was me that had done that he'd be so jealous.

To help with context our relationship doesn't usually have jealousy like this, we both have our own hobbies, neither been jealous of others flirting with us, no abuse from either side of relationship. We function well and communicate well. Both have had therapy, due to individual problems not relationship ones.

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 17/12/2023 21:24

If this were in AIBU I would say YABU. She was just waiting while he got changed.

Moonshine5 · 17/12/2023 21:25

It sounds YABU unless there's something we don't know

DustyLee123 · 17/12/2023 21:26

It sounds like he wouldn’t be jealous, as he felt comfortable doing it.

Cranes2021 · 17/12/2023 21:27

What is it that is upsetting you so much

Deathbyfluffy · 17/12/2023 21:27

If you're jealous, there's an issue - and if he'd be jealous, there's an issue there too.
Sounds fairly unreasonable to me, in an adult relationship with trust on each side this is a total non-issue.

Cupcakes77 · 17/12/2023 21:28

I think if there was something fishy going on he wouldnt bring her back home. Men are usually discreet about that sorta stuff. Don't think u have anything to worry about.

Shouldershoulder · 17/12/2023 21:28

I'd want to know why she had to come back to yours and wait for him to get changed.

NotToYou · 17/12/2023 21:29

Why is it a problem if she was just waiting for him to get ready?

Cupcakes77 · 17/12/2023 21:29

But you should have a word with him she didnt need to come in she could have waited elsewhere

Frasers · 17/12/2023 21:30

Goodness that’s a level of extreme jealousy. Like next level. Why can’t he bring her back to wait for him.

Are you ok? It doesn’t sound like you are?

JamieKnows · 17/12/2023 21:30

I can't see what he's done wrong here. She "waited for him". Wow, massive crime 😅

Frasers · 17/12/2023 21:32

And what do you mean you haven’t told anyone. He didn’t have an affair, he simply popped into get changed and she was with him.

the issue here is your irrational levels of jealousy.

C1N1C · 17/12/2023 21:33

YABU unless you feel he brought her back to stuff a turkey.

Frasers · 17/12/2023 21:34

Also how do you know how many women he works with? That in itself is weird. I couldn’t tell you how many women in my husbands dept. I couldn’t care less. There is clearly a deeply significant issue here your side.

Original poster
tinker2190 · 17/12/2023 21:34

Thank you for all the replies.
I'm glad you all think I'm BU. I think the jealous feeling is new and for some reason I'm struggling to process it.

OP posts:
Cosycover · 17/12/2023 21:34

Waited while he got ready for what?
Where were they going?

Why did he have to bring her back? Could he not have met her there? Where did she get ready?

Needs much more context.

Cranes2021 · 17/12/2023 21:35

Huh? Why would she wait somewhere else? Like in her car, in the garden?? Or at the kitchen table with a cuppa like a normal person would....

EatMyHead · 17/12/2023 21:36

OMG. You mean thanks to your degenerate unfaithful husband, another woman has actually been INSIDE YOUR HOUSE? And left her filthy Other Woman spores to fester everywhere, poisoning the atmosphere of your entire relationship and future?

I would insist that he buy you a new house, and have that one industrially fumigated then demolished. Any less and he clearly has no respect for you whatsoever.

Then LTB.

Original poster
tinker2190 · 17/12/2023 21:39

Thanks all, obviously loads more context not given as I know how judgemental anonymous women can be.
But I'm glad I can feed this back Smile

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 17/12/2023 21:41

I get the vibe that you might not know you’re the jealous type as “he works in a male dominated industry” felt like you were making a point of it feeling safe with low risk of him meeting… a woman… dun dun duuuun.

Opentooffers · 17/12/2023 21:42

Of itself, it's not a big deal, but if there is a back-story and they are in the process of forming a strong friendship outside of work, I could see how you might develop concerns.
I've picked up on you saying that you've never been jealous of each others flirting. Interesting way to put things, rather that - neither of us flirt as in a stable marriage and respect each other enough not to.
So as you've both had therapy for your own issues, does that include reasons for low self esteem, which in turn become 'reasons you flirt' to get validation from others as you don't have it from within? That's often why people who shouldn't need to flirt feel they need to. Like having to regularly check that others find them attractive- how tedious to be with someone like that.

Lovelyjubbbly · 17/12/2023 21:42

NO NO NO!!

CandyLeBonBon · 17/12/2023 21:44

Lovelyjubbbly · 17/12/2023 21:42

NO NO NO!!

What?

Bertiesmum3 · 17/12/2023 21:52

My husband had to pick up a lady through his work who he’s never met before from over 200 miles away and drive her back to a B&B where we live, no one was in when he went to drop her off so the only thing he could do was to bring her to our house 🤣 where they phoned the place a couple of times to see if they had got home, because they both work in the same place it’s a joke when they’re both at work and new staff start, and they talk about how they met, I wasn’t home at the time as I was working a night shift, it didn’t bother me at all as I trust my husband 100%, is the reason you’re so annoying is because you don’t trust him?

Lovelyjubbbly · 17/12/2023 21:55

@CandyLeBonBon what sort of weirdo would allow there partner to bring another women home when ur not there 😂😂😂😂😂 just wouldn’t happen in my scenario no chance . Of shoe was on other foot would be accused of all sorts nahhhh