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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He bought a women home

111 replies

tinker2190 · 17/12/2023 21:23

My husband and I (both 31) have been married for 8 years, together 10.
He works in a male dominated industry, there are 3 women in his department, the other 15 are men. One of the females colleagues has been working on a project with him for a month and a half.

Two weeks ago he invited her back to our home without telling me. They were in the house for half an hour and he tells me she was just waiting whilst he got ready.

I think I'm overreacting and need others to tell me so. But I'm so upset about it that I haven't told anyone, not my best girl friends or family.

I just think if the shoe was on the other foot and it was me that had done that he'd be so jealous.

To help with context our relationship doesn't usually have jealousy like this, we both have our own hobbies, neither been jealous of others flirting with us, no abuse from either side of relationship. We function well and communicate well. Both have had therapy, due to individual problems not relationship ones.

OP posts:
FloofyKat · 17/12/2023 21:56

I would not have been concerned if my ex had done this. Is there something else going on in your relationship that’s causing you to worry?

QuickDraining · 17/12/2023 21:57

EatMyHead · 17/12/2023 21:36

OMG. You mean thanks to your degenerate unfaithful husband, another woman has actually been INSIDE YOUR HOUSE? And left her filthy Other Woman spores to fester everywhere, poisoning the atmosphere of your entire relationship and future?

I would insist that he buy you a new house, and have that one industrially fumigated then demolished. Any less and he clearly has no respect for you whatsoever.

Then LTB.

I think this was a joke.

As long as she wasn't holding the soap while he took a shower.

LauderSyme · 17/12/2023 22:01

Do you really think he is up to no good with her? Or he would like to be?

Otherwise, I can't see why you'd be ragingly jealous about this, or why you would expect him to be jealous too if your positions were reversed?

Headshoulderscheeseontoast · 17/12/2023 22:03

I know how judgemental anonymous women can be.

Ouch!! 😅

YoullCatchYourDeathInTheFog · 17/12/2023 22:03

tinker2190 · 17/12/2023 21:39

Thanks all, obviously loads more context not given as I know how judgemental anonymous women can be.
But I'm glad I can feed this back Smile

So you don't trust the advice of anonymous women, you don't want to actually explain the extensive back story of why you're reacting in this strange way and yet you want our advice?

In that case, yes he's definitely cheating, but Fiona who dropped in while he changed is a red herring: he's actually been having an affair with Peter in the sysadmin team for three years. HTH.

Frasers · 17/12/2023 22:03

tinker2190 · 17/12/2023 21:39

Thanks all, obviously loads more context not given as I know how judgemental anonymous women can be.
But I'm glad I can feed this back Smile

What? What a horrible thing to write. You asked and got told.

Mynaddmawr · 17/12/2023 22:07

Youre overreacting, I wouldn't think twice if my husband brought a woman home

TurnthePotatoes · 17/12/2023 22:08

YoullCatchYourDeathInTheFog · 17/12/2023 22:03

So you don't trust the advice of anonymous women, you don't want to actually explain the extensive back story of why you're reacting in this strange way and yet you want our advice?

In that case, yes he's definitely cheating, but Fiona who dropped in while he changed is a red herring: he's actually been having an affair with Peter in the sysadmin team for three years. HTH.

Show quote history

It's always the sysadmins!

gotomomo · 17/12/2023 22:11

My dp regularly picks up collegues from the airport and takes them to their hotel, sometimes he goes out for dinner with them ... its work, nothing more. Men and women can be friendly

gazpachosoupday · 17/12/2023 22:15

tinker2190 · 17/12/2023 21:39

Thanks all, obviously loads more context not given as I know how judgemental anonymous women can be.
But I'm glad I can feed this back Smile

Are you actually the husband?

BlueGrey1 · 17/12/2023 22:18

How did you find out?

flowerchild2000 · 17/12/2023 22:20

You might have some insecurities at the root of this. It's a good opportunity for some self reflection. You know he didn't do anything wrong, you just don't know why you feel the way you do. It's totally normal and natural, there's nothing wrong with you. I would figure out what the insecurity is then talk to DH about it, and have a convo about his possible jealousy issue too. It sounds like you're both healthy and have a good relationship, you should feel comfortable around other people too.

WandaWonder · 17/12/2023 22:22

I would presume my husband was helping someone for whatever reason this is a good thing

TravelInHope · 17/12/2023 22:22

Did he shag her?

Angelsrose · 17/12/2023 22:33

I may be in the minority but I think this is very odd. Why does this woman need to be in your house? What was your husband getting ready for and why did he take so long? I'd personally have preferred to wait in my car especially if this is a work colleague rather than a friend.

Shouldershoulder · 17/12/2023 22:34

But I'm glad I can feed this back

Who are you feeding this back to ?

Susieb2023 · 17/12/2023 22:38

I can’t see the problem with a work colleague waiting so they don’t go to a work do alone.

Although I don’t get why she had to go back to yours while your husband got ready? Why couldn’t she have gone separately or with other colleagues?

I’d need more context to feel like I could judge this this and sadly you’re not giving it.

TheMoreYouKnow · 17/12/2023 22:42

Unless they popped there for a quickie and he was worried one of the neighbours saw them go in together? That would only be if youre friends with your neighbours and one of them might mention it. Did he need to tell you. Was there any chance you could've found out otherwise.

Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2023 22:52

Is it appropriate? No, not really.

But it does also seem like you might be overreacting a little.

'For future reference, it's not ok to be in private with another woman when you have a partner. Especially not in houses. Don't do that again'.

SlightlyDifferent · 17/12/2023 22:54

Spelling police here.
He brought her home. If he bought her that would be a totally different concern.

RosaMoline · 17/12/2023 22:55

By the way, it’s he ‘brought’ a woman home. Not ‘bought’

YoullCatchYourDeathInTheFog · 17/12/2023 22:59

Shouldershoulder · 17/12/2023 22:34

But I'm glad I can feed this back

Who are you feeding this back to ?

His wife.

YoullCatchYourDeathInTheFog · 17/12/2023 23:00

RosaMoline · 17/12/2023 22:55

By the way, it’s he ‘brought’ a woman home. Not ‘bought’

Well you'd hope so. Otherwise there really is a problem.

Kinneddar · 17/12/2023 23:06

Lovelyjubbbly · 17/12/2023 21:55

@CandyLeBonBon what sort of weirdo would allow there partner to bring another women home when ur not there 😂😂😂😂😂 just wouldn’t happen in my scenario no chance . Of shoe was on other foot would be accused of all sorts nahhhh

That says more about your relationship though.

Nothing weird about it

ISpyNoPlumPie · 17/12/2023 23:09

Well you’re clearly keeping a fair bit of the story from us. I wonder why.

FWIW, my DH wouldn’t do that and I think it’s weird.