Locked out and took keys off me.

[MuddyPaws1993]

My husband has come home from football, drunk. When he’s drunk he’s really abusive.

This evening he has locked me out, taken all my house keys off me for our house and has told me I’m not allowed to come back. Our little girl who is 3 is in that house.

Is he lawfully allowed to lock me out, take my keys and tell me I’m not allowed to come back?

what leg do I have left to stand on?

I'm so glad you managed to get her and yourself out of there, and that you're safe. Did you call the police?

OP use the opportunity to call it a day on this abusive relationship.

Whatever he says this won't change.

Well done for getting out.

It's so hard to know...

At 18, I was more interested in the male population of the University...

the police?

So glad you managed to get your DD and get out, OP.

Real shame you didn't ring the Police, though. If they had attended they would have written a report that this had happened, which would have been useful going forward.

You are in an abusive marriage. He isn't going to change.

Please do not go back into that situation. If you can stay at your mums then stay there until you seek legal advice on separating.

I agree it’s a shame you didn’t call the police. I can understand why. Your dd’s immediate safety was far more important. Please do not go back to him. He is horrible and abusive.

You can still ring and report to the police, this relationship is no good for you or your child

Hello OP, please still log this with the police. He is abusing you, it’s not ok. Womens Aid are just a call away too. Hope you manage to get him out of your home for your daughter’s sake. Most abusers don’t just stop with their partner, they also abuse children eventually :(

What to do is either find a way in, or phone the police if that fails. So now you know.
Next consider your situation. This needs to stop repeating as you say he's always like this when drunk. Just how often is he drunk? Who owns the house, who leaves, is the next question? If he refuses, it will have to be you that goes. So, could your mother put you up for a while till you get things sorted?
Somehow I doubt he's is suddenly DH of the century during sober times. I bet he shows distain generally, but at a low level, then can't repress it after he's has a few.

No.

Your phone talks to Mumsnet using something called "Transmission Control Protocol", which is part of the Internet Protocol Suite. TCP works the same way no matter whether your phone is using wifi or 5G to use the Internet

Cell phone triangulation, as used to find out where Jessica Chapman's phone was turned off, relies on cell phone providers' logs of which cell tower your phone is "associated with" (that's mobile telecoms speak for "currently making use of").

Your phone's current cell tower association is not provided to Mumsnet, so Mumsnet cannot know where you are.

I’m autistic so really struggle to cope with stress

Same here, and I suspect that's why I understood straight away why you posted here instead of just calling the police.

I'm going to suggest that you get a notebook that will fit in your handbag and a pen, even if you have to buy them, and keep them with you at all times. Leave the first couple of pages blank for writing the table of contents as you go. Number and date the pages as you write in them.

Once you have those stationery items, take your time to write down a timeline of events last night, what order things happened in with rough times. If you have texts and calls in your phone history (perhaps you tried to phone him or someone else?), put those in too with their exact time and put in the times of your posts on this thread and the URL of the thread. Then you don't have to use mental energy trying to remember in days or weeks time what order things happened in and you can focus on leaving him.

Once you have written the timeline, call Women's Aid, and take notes during that call. I suggest that you then call the police on 101 because what your "D"H has done is abuse. If you choose to call the police, take notes during that call as well. The important call, now that you and DD are safe, is the call to Women's Aid, as they can advise you on your rights and what help is available to you.

What you should do immediately after that will depend upon what Women's Aid advise. At some point, when you have time, Advanced Search your username and any previous usernames you've used on here to find your previous posts about "D"H, as they give a partial timeline of his previous abuse. Again,

As insurance against losing the notebook, don't write your name or DD's names in it and take photographs of the pages as you fill them. The main point of it is as a tool to organise your thoughts and plan your exit from your marriage without having all your ideas buzzing around inside your head like a swarm of angry wasps.

But you wouldn't phone 999 if you thought that men locking their DWs out of the house was normal, so if you weren't sure if it's normal or not, you'd check first.

And even if you were sure it wasn't normal, but:
a) you have a neurodivergent condition that means that you follow rules to the letter,
b) you've had it reinforced to you that 999 calls about not-crimes are deemed "false calls" and against the rules, and
c) you're not sure whether what your husband has done is actually illegal,

you'd check in the only place you could at that time of night, which is here.

This thread is a prime example of the double empathy problem.

• If you are married and only one of you owns the marital home, the other has the right to occupy it.
• Same if renting and only one of you is the named tenant.
• The above points mean that he had no right to lock you out, but I think that's a civil or family law matter, except that...
• ...he did so at a ridiculous time of night as part of a pattern of abuse, which is criminal...
• and in doing so endangered a child.

If you believe in good faith that your child is at immediate risk, you can and should call the police. Child welfare trumps most other considerations. Domestic abuse is also a criminal offence worthy of a police call.

Hopefully you will never face a situation like this ever again, but if you do, you know that you can call 999 and you won't be placing a false call nor wasting police time.

Is anyone else worried about OP? There's been no update. I hope she's ok.

I agree.

Thanks for the update, OP. I’m glad you and DC are safe. Please don’t go back to this dangerous man.