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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Locked out and took keys off me.

142 replies

MuddyPaws1993 · 16/12/2023 21:17

My husband has come home from football, drunk. When he’s drunk he’s really abusive.

This evening he has locked me out, taken all my house keys off me for our house and has told me I’m not allowed to come back. Our little girl who is 3 is in that house.

Is he lawfully allowed to lock me out, take my keys and tell me I’m not allowed to come back?

what leg do I have left to stand on?

OP posts:
Jzp · 17/12/2023 08:57

SoFineOkay · Today 08:47

If your toddler is locked inside a house with a violent drunk, you don't waste time writing on Mumsnet, asking what to bloody do. It's obviously a wind-up.

This was my thought exactly. I just hope we’re right and it is a wind up

DragonMama3 · 17/12/2023 08:57

Hiddenmnetter · 17/12/2023 08:36

???
That’s just going to return the address of the ISP exchange…you can’t just get anyones address from their IP.

Show quote history

police can find her location from her phone? degree in criminology

Hiddenmnetter · 17/12/2023 09:03

DragonMama3 · 17/12/2023 08:57

police can find her location from her phone? degree in criminology

Show quote history

Finding location from a phone is triangulation from a signal location by checking signal strength against multiple near towers, OR the phone has its GPS history available. Not from IP address. Most importantly of all, Mumsnet sure as shit can’t do any of this.

Your degree in criminology obviously left out some details about how person tracking works…

Itneverrainsitpissesitdown · 17/12/2023 09:03

I didn't see this post last night, but it sounds terrifying.
I really hope that OP and her young daughter are safe.

Rosscameasdoody · 17/12/2023 09:13

BabaBarrio · 16/12/2023 21:20

You and your toddler need to be able to pack bags while the police are there and go immediately to a DV shelter. Do not spend the night there with him.

The OP needs to have him removed from their home - preferably into police custody - and get the locks changed. Then see a lawyer, firstly for a restraining order and then a divorce.

wronginalltherightways · 17/12/2023 09:16

Call the police and get help to remove yourself and your poor little girl from an abusive home. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for her. You wouldn't want her to end up with someone who is a 'role model' for her, would you? Because that's what she's learning.

ThriceInALifetime · 17/12/2023 09:24

Have just read this, hope OP and her daughter are okay.

ectoone · 17/12/2023 09:28

Jzp · 17/12/2023 08:57

SoFineOkay · Today 08:47

If your toddler is locked inside a house with a violent drunk, you don't waste time writing on Mumsnet, asking what to bloody do. It's obviously a wind-up.

This was my thought exactly. I just hope we’re right and it is a wind up

This is a really shitty thing to say to a woman who is living with an abusive man. They twist and manipulate and make you doubt your own sane thoughts. Asking for reassurance here and guidance is a really positive step for OP.

Also ignore the people asking you for an update OP, return if you want but it's not compulsory. Seek out all the help you need to break free.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 17/12/2023 09:33

How are you OP

FeetupTvon · 17/12/2023 09:41

I hope you and your daughter are ok.

Wintersgirl · 17/12/2023 09:59

He sounds vile OP, please do not put up with this abuse any longer, as soon as you can make plans to leave the bastard.....

echt · 17/12/2023 10:00

Is this for real?

LadyEloise1 · 17/12/2023 10:04

echt · 17/12/2023 10:00

Is this for real?

I have to say I wondered too.

Wintersgirl · 17/12/2023 10:05

Why are some posters doubting this? It's not far fetched at all, we're always reading about coercive control and abusive men in the papers....I hope you and your little one are safe OP.

Fivepigeons · 17/12/2023 10:11

I hope you phoned the police. They will come out for this as he has essentially held your very young child hostage.
My friends ex did this to her when he was pissed and the police broke down the door and arrested him. However he was being quite aggressive towards the police when they came which is why they arrested him. Hopefully the police coming round to yours will just frighten your partner into opening the door.
Please contact women's aid for advice after this tho.. it can't go on that he keeps getting pissed and being abusive. You need to try and leave this situation

ectoone · 17/12/2023 10:12

Wintersgirl · 17/12/2023 10:05

Why are some posters doubting this? It's not far fetched at all, we're always reading about coercive control and abusive men in the papers....I hope you and your little one are safe OP.

It makes them feel big and clever.

It makes them look like horrible people.

Ulysees · 17/12/2023 10:26

Jzp · 17/12/2023 08:57

SoFineOkay · Today 08:47

If your toddler is locked inside a house with a violent drunk, you don't waste time writing on Mumsnet, asking what to bloody do. It's obviously a wind-up.

This was my thought exactly. I just hope we’re right and it is a wind up

First thought.

Mindyaownbeeswax · 17/12/2023 10:38

Are you and your child ok, OP? X

ComputerStick · 17/12/2023 10:43

For the doubters, people in abusive relationships are so warn down and has lit over the years that they genuinely doubt themselves and start to wonder what is normal and not. Hence posting for advice. Even if you 99% think it’s a troll, what if it’s the 1%. Or someone else reads the post when searching for help and says. “He’s right, no one will believe me, these people didn’t believe the OP”.

housethatbuiltme · 17/12/2023 11:01

Legally either parent can take the child from the other parent if theres no parental order in place.

However if he is drunk and a danger (either abusive or simply neglectful) you can call the police because you believe your child's in danger. The police will come and do a welfare check. They will check the child is calm, uninjured and ok as well as checking there is food and necessary care items. If he is just drunk not showing any 'danger' to the child and somewhat functional and the child seems fine they likely won't do anything though.

You should have a right to be in your home, I don't know how it works for home owners but in renting you cannot be kicked out like that however all this is a civil issue.

If he has not committed a crime worthy of arrest they cannot remove him from the home or forcibly remove the child, they will not get involved in parental or housing disputes as thats a court issue. They will likely attempt to defuse it by suggesting you stay with friends or family.

I'm a child of a bitter divorce, I have been through these lockins/out and inter-family kidnapping and court cases MANY MANY times.

ectoone · 17/12/2023 11:14

ComputerStick · 17/12/2023 10:43

For the doubters, people in abusive relationships are so warn down and has lit over the years that they genuinely doubt themselves and start to wonder what is normal and not. Hence posting for advice. Even if you 99% think it’s a troll, what if it’s the 1%. Or someone else reads the post when searching for help and says. “He’s right, no one will believe me, these people didn’t believe the OP”.

This. All day long. People need to think about the possible implications of their flippant comments on threads like these.

housethatbuiltme · 17/12/2023 11:15

Hiddenmnetter · 17/12/2023 09:03

Finding location from a phone is triangulation from a signal location by checking signal strength against multiple near towers, OR the phone has its GPS history available. Not from IP address. Most importantly of all, Mumsnet sure as shit can’t do any of this.

Your degree in criminology obviously left out some details about how person tracking works…

Show quote history

Yes I studied Criminology too as one part of a larger qualification but it had nothing to do with tracking phones surely thats cyber forensics or something similar. Criminology was the history of crime and the justice systems.

We studied, debated and wrote papers capital punishment, racial profiling, example of sexism in law, ethics in DNA usage etc...

I suppose it maybe debatable in modern justice but I can't understand why a criminology course would be teaching HOW triangulation works in detail, more just the ethics surrounding the use of it.

Ulysees · 17/12/2023 13:03

ComputerStick · 17/12/2023 10:43

For the doubters, people in abusive relationships are so warn down and has lit over the years that they genuinely doubt themselves and start to wonder what is normal and not. Hence posting for advice. Even if you 99% think it’s a troll, what if it’s the 1%. Or someone else reads the post when searching for help and says. “He’s right, no one will believe me, these people didn’t believe the OP”.

It's not that people don't believe this happens. But it's the posting on MN rather than being sensible and ringing 999. It's the dd I'd be worried about.

The op has posted previously so probably is a genuine thread. That child needs protecting.

Original poster
MuddyPaws1993 · 17/12/2023 14:37

hi everyone. Some very mixed but thank you to all the ones who were so kind I appreciate you so much. It was a very hectic night and I didn’t get chance to post. I had managed to get in through the back of the house through the living room window. There’s 2 large windows and 1 little, I remembered I had left the little one open very very slightly. Husband fell asleep and little one was in bed. When he’s drunk it’s always me it’s taken out on. I managed to get her and took her to my mums house and we stayed the night there. I’m autistic so really struggle to cope with stress nevermind this and I just didn’t know what to do 😞

OP posts:
Zonder · 17/12/2023 14:44

Well done for getting out. Please don't go back to the same old situation. Thanks for updating us.