Unemployed Dh now signed off for a year- fed up and skint!

[Stressedgiraffe]

Dh has been unemployed for over 9 months. He's been applying for remote work but not getting any where. I think he's now given up as he has diabetes and side effects .
He was on jsa but has now had a meeting with the disability person who has signed him off as unfit to work.
But he's capable of working. He spends all his time on the computer. He walks the dogs for miles, potters in the garden etc.
He's late 50s so I think he's subtly retiring
But we can't afford it.
I work ft and can just afford rent bills and food. There is no spare money. We have spent our savings.
We have teenagers who want to go out with friends and spend money.
I'm starting to feel really resentful of someone I see 24/7 who now has a cushy life.
How do I stop feeling like this?

Either ESA or UC claimants can be requested to partake in the WCA (work capability assessment), which as you correctly state assesses client fitness to work, (either in just their usual, or any occupation). Upon making their initial claim, GP will need to submit fit notes for at least three months. However, when WCA is passed, fit notes are no longer required.

It is too young at 15, never mind 12. The point of a babysitter is to keep the kids safe, yes? That includes if something goes wrong.

I would not trust a 15 year old to know what to do to safeguard the children and home in any of the following instances:

• medical emergency of one of the children
• power cut
• burst pipe
• gas leak
• failed tap washer meaning that the tap won't turn off
• burglary or home invasion
• washing machine or dishwasher flood
• blocked toilet or broken flush
• flooding from outside the house
• fire

Additionally, a 15 yo will not have any of

• DBS checks
• insurance
• first aid qualifications
• childcare qualifications

As I said, it's fucking batshit to leave children in charge of other children without an adult in the building.

If you got away with it, it's because you were lucky, nothing else.

From what I understand, there are massive backlogs and no one is getting their WCA in three months. Do you think the DH saying “signed off for a year” could be a garbled way of saying the current wait for the WCA due to the backlog?

He shouldn’t be only getting £100 from Uc unless you are on a very good wage. It’s bloody hard to get signed off as being unfit for work. I had to provide my consultants letters and also letters from my GP. I think he’s hiding from you how sick he is as he knows you’re on his back. Perhaps go through everything with him benefit wise because he’s entitled to a lot more than £100. On UC you get the standard money for not working but the minute you go into the not being able to work category it almost doubles the figure.

No child should be in that situation. A childhood focused on education and enriched with affordable activities should be a right, not a luxury. The sixth-richest country on earth could choose to end children caring for adults tomorrow if we had MPs worth voting for who would prioritise adult care.

OP should be looking to maximise the family income without sending the children out to work. Child labour should not be a suggestion in the first post anyone makes, yet it has been on here.

Gosh, there's an awful lot of assumptions being made on this thread.

My very recent esa (unable to work due to disability) went like this:
I applied online
I was told to go to my doctor and get a fit note for 3 months
I electronically sent the fit note to DWP
They replied asking me to fill in a detailed assessment report
I had a call from my work coach at the job centre
Then I had 6 weeks wait
I then had another call from my work coach. She said they accepted that I was unfit to work, that I had no income, that I was unlikely to be fit to work in the future. I was not awarded any payments though because of household income (dh is a pensioner and we have 1 DS still in uni) but they said they would keep up my NI stamp (which I don't need, I already have 40yrs)

I've been claiming PIP for 5yrs. I have a blue badge.
My last review was by phone, yes on a Sunday, when they awarded it for another 10yrs.
I look good (most days)
I'm positive, optimistic, cheerful
I spend a lot of time on my iPad
I go out and about, even to the pub with my friends
I have a motability car (which is paid for out of my pip payment)
If you saw me in my usual spot on the sofa you wouldn't think anything was wrong with me.
Im in chronic pain 24/7
I can't walk even from the living room to the kitchen most days
Going out, for lunch, to appointments or even just making a sandwich is so exhausting means I can't physically do anything else on those days
I fall asleep sometimes whilst im typing
Im exhausted 24/7
Every 'normal' thing, like taking a shower, getting dressed etc takes over an hour and I need an hour to recover afterwards

I can't get a job (not that im looking) because who is going to employ a 60yr old woman who is exhausted all the time, can't walk, takes hours to get anything done, and falls asleep at the computer regularly.

My DH waits on me hand, foot & finger. Sometimes I'll be fit enough to empty the dishwasher or make a simple meal but it's getting less even with massive doses of medication. I do busy stuff that I can do in my own time when I'm able to on the laptop (insurances, online shopping, appointments etc) I can't go very far without the help of my wonderful friends, dh and our two boys. No one coming into my home would know I was disabled unless I had to get up and do something.

Give this guy a break. What you see with people is not always the full picture of what is going on in their lives. It seems to me that the biggest problems for OP & her DH is a total lack of communication which nearly always leads to resentment and rows.

OP you need to sit down with your husband and have a very full and frank discussion about how each of you is feeling and what you can both do about it. Without that, the rest of it is meaningless.

😅 I really don’t think it was lucky to have to earn money from age 12 in order to feed myself and my younger siblings. I did keep the infants and children under my care safe and happy. It was a much safer alternative to becoming a 12 year old sex worker or shoplifter/thief.

My last review was by phone, yes on a Sunday, when they awarded it for another 10yrs.

Thanks for clarifying that the assessors work on Sundays. I'm gobsmacked, the local Jobcentre doesn't even operate a full 9-5 M-F.

Meanwhile, outside the ivory tower, life on Britains streets continue in their gritty and impoverished state.

OP how do you know he's been signed off work for 1 year? Have you seen the letter? Only you dont seem to know much beyond what he tells you ie you didnt even know what he'd done with the pension he cashed in. & your posts are vague. You need to wake up and be more alert tbh otherwise you'll be a passenger in your own life. Aside from that you'll likely become bored stiff of him. Years of him living like that will render him deeply uninteresting

OP how do you know he's been signed off work for 1 year? Have you seen the letter?

Apart from the forms for WCA I received absolutely no paperwork at all for my claim. It was all done on the phone. The work coach sent me an email with her contact details on there but I had no paperwork other than that either from her or the DWP with their decision.

"Lucky" referred to nothing bad happening during your babysitting gigs, not to the appalling circumstances that had you working for basics so young.

The sixth-richest country on earth could choose to end children caring for adults tomorrow if we had MPs worth voting for who would prioritise adult care.

By the way we aren’t the sixth richest country on Earth. We aren’t even in the top 20. And to suggest it could be fixed tomorrow means you haven’t looked at the U.K. revenues, debt or commitments. We are in a sorry state.

Oh, and when the work coach called me to tell me the decision she also said that it would be reviewed in a year. Despite my fit note being for 3 months. Although after the initial 3 months the next fit note could sign me off indefinitely.

Bad things did happen, I just handled them. And this was before cell phones and the internet no less!

Sixth biggest economy by total GDP. We were fifth biggest until Brexit.

We use fiat currency, which mean that domestically "govt debt" is a meaningless concept as the govt can, and has in the past, printed more money, with the side effect of inflation if done carelessly.

We could increase tax revenues, reduce accommodation costs, and stop most transfer of wealth overseas by introducing a land value tax.

Nothing ever changed because people sat making snarky comments about ivory towers and resigned themselves to the status quo. Stuff changed because people saw how bad things were, sae how it could be better and fought for it.

I don't like contributing to a thread derailment, however I feel compelled to say that this is way OTT.

I would not trust a 15 year old to know what to do to safeguard the children and home in any of the following instances:

• medical emergency of one of the children - a 15 year old can call 999 and the parents
• power cut - what will an adult do? Let you know and wait it out
• burst pipe - they would call you and you would direct them to the cold water main to isolate it
• gas leak - they would get everyone out and probably contact 999 and yourself. I think the majority of adults don't know there's a specific number to call for a gas leak
• failed tap washer meaning that the tap won't turn off - same as point 3
• burglary or home invasion - what would an adult do? Call 999
• washing machine or dishwasher flood - same as point 3
• blocked toilet or broken flush - not a dangerous incident.
• flooding from outside the house - what would an adult do?
• fire - they'd call 999 and get everyone out

Most 15 year olds aren't idiots.

We had a tap washer disintegrate and the bath hot tap wouldn't turn off. I froze on the spot, no idea how to deal with it. Granted, I'm autistic, but I wasn't diagnosed back themselves because girls just weren't and still often aren't, so the "well obviously we wouldn't let an autistic 12 yo babysit" argument doesn't actually prevent an autistic 12 yo from being told to babysit. My point is, children shouldn't have to deal with that stuff and often can't.

The idea of a 12 yo trying to evacuate children during a fire fills me with horror.

I was 14 when my dad coerced (and I mean coerced, he threatened to stop me from doing my homework until after 9pm each night, knowing that I wouldn't have enough time to do it) me into collecting my sister from the child minder and supervising her at home. He shouldn't have made me do it and he had to use coercion because I was scared, especially because my sister misbehaved and I knew I would be blamed for anything she damaged. I didn't know where the water stop valve was, the gas stop lever, the electrical shut off, anything. Childcare is not a responsibility that any child should have to take. I'm appalled that you had to.

You're assuming that the 15 yo recognises the medical emergency as a medical emergency in the first place.

Remind me again how bacterial meningitis presents? Oh yes, looks a lot like a migraine unless the child gets the rash. Most don't get the rash.

It's not a matter of "idiocy" but of experience and training in recognising hazards and not freezing in the moment.

Given he cashed in his pension and lied about it , wouldn’t trust this man as far as I could throw him. It’s time you see the paperwork and his plans to claim benefits. Don’t let him off the hook.

I was trying to think what was ringing my LTB alarm, and you've found it!

Disabled or not, he lied to you about something as huge and important as his pension.

LTB.

I was babysitting at 12. My mum was 2 doors away in an emergency.

When I was about 14 I did a "babysitting certificate" at school. I'm not sure who ran it, but it was official. It included things like finding out where the emergency stop cock was for the water. Making sure we knew any medical conditions the child had, how to handle them and how to recognise symptoms. Making sure we had emergency contacts for the parents and at least one other adult who would be available. And how to cover pretty much any emergency that might arise.

15 year olds aren't stupid.

What's his lifestyle like? Is this condition due to poor management of diabetes or just really bad luck? Would getting a part time job make it easier or harder for him to manage it? Would he be motivated by moving into a different area of some kind - something that involves being on his feet more, for example, rather than stuck behind a screen, if he's fine with walking and so on?

Why would someone who walks for miles every day need an electric wheelchair?
There's some serious projection going on with some of these posts.

How much was in the pension that he cashed in, OP? Do you know what happened to that money? Was it spent on family expenditure? Do you have oversight of his financial affairs?

I'd want to know chapter and verse on that one.