Flirty work colleague - how do I escalate

[zard11]

I’m aware I’m about to sound like a 15 year old! It’s been a long time since I was on the dating scene!

In September, I had a sex dream about a work colleague. Must have subconsciously flirted with him because then our relationship changed - all of a sudden super flirty with each other. We are then constantly flirting, legs touching each other under the table (when I moved mine away he moved his back to rub against mine!), messages after work (nothing romantic or sexy, but a bit of flirting).

Seems to come in waves - there’ll be a spell where we’re pretty much constantly pawing at each other and the next day he seems cooler. Then the next day he’ll be flirty again.

We’ve been simmering away like this for about 3 months now. I took the initiative to ask him out for a drink, he said yes but nothing has come from it as we got super busy and had a stressful period at work.

Last week we had a few hours where we were working independently right next to each other and it was intense. Proper flirting, winks, loaded comments, after I almost melted. He then messaged me that night and continued flirting. The next day he was on a course in Edinburgh and texted all day including selfies and little pics of his day etc. He’s been jealous when other men have flirted in front of him (happens rarely but did happen at our Christmas party).

I feel like this has gone on for so long and I don’t know how to proceed? I’m shy to ask him for a drink again in case he says no. I’m quite shy by nature and not great at flirting full stop so it was a big deal (to me) to ask him in the first place.

I’m embarrassed at my own gushing! I’m in my late 30s, he’s in his 40s.

Hi @zard11

what were the text messages about at the weekend?

I know a man exactly like this one. He did exactly the same thing with my friend for over a year, it looked like it was going somewhere, then he was cold, then flirty again, etc... it turned out he was married and just loved the illusion of being free again and meeting someone new.

It is possible that he likes you, of course. And he obviously enjoys your company and friendship but if he really really wanted something to happen, he would have made it happen, you know what I mean? That drink would have happened already. I think he might be in a relationship, have you asked him?

Also, think about the consequences of dating a coworker. We had a situation in the office because two employees started dating and then broke up and it is something you don't want to happen if you really like your professional life. It ruins everything.

Op, you say he’s divorced, but he could be dating/in a relationship with someone new?
I’m sorry but I genuinely think if he was interested he would’ve arranged the drinks.
Maybe add him on social media, you seem to be friendly enough to add him without it seeming a bit much, it may answer a lot of questions about him and if he doesn’t accept your friend request then I think that answers the question of him dating/in a relationship.