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Original poster

How to move in and split things fairly?

101 replies

Ljmh2022 · 13/12/2023 08:57

Looking for advice for the fairest way to handle this please.

Been with boyfriend nearly 18 months, we are both 30 and we are moving in together in the new year. We both have our own houses already (both mortgaged) but we have decided he will be moving in to my house due to better location and being slightly bigger.
He doesn't want to sell his house (incase he is left with nothing i can understand this as i wouldn't want to sell mine either. I wouldn't be able to rebuy my house now with the cost of house prices etc) but he doesnt want to rent it out either (he has seen this go wrong/terrible tennants through friends who have rented before) which is fair enough. He thinks long term we can eventually buy a joint house together and rent our houses out but in like 5 years or something. Which then he wouldn't be as sentimental about the house he has worked so hard for/decorated etc.

So my question is how do we split things so it is fair?
He would still have his running costs for his house, still house Insurance, base rate gas and electric costs, still have Internet and tv package to pay at his plus his monthly mortgage payments.
Whether he moves in or not I am paying for Internet/ tv etc at my house anyway and the price of these will not change if he moves in or not.
So should he just be paying for the extra bit of gas/electric we will be using and then the share of food bills?
I don't want him paying twice for everything because he's obviously still got his bills at home and I don't want him chipping in for house repairs/mortgage anyway as I don't want him to have a claim on my house in any way. He has to pay council tax for his house still but agreed to pay half the council tax extra i will be charged as I will have to give up my single person discount.

Its just much more complicated in my head in this situation rather than clear cut split.

OP posts:
Glitterb · 13/12/2023 09:06

I would ask him about how much he could realistically contribute towards bills etc. or maybe he could cover the cost of food/meals out/holidays etc? Then he is not contributing a ‘rent’ or will have any hold over your house. It is a tricky one as he will still be paying for his own house which I presume won’t be cheap if mortgaged etc.

tescocreditcard · 13/12/2023 09:08

Wouldn't it be easier to just get married ? Being 30 years old and solvent is an excellent time to get married.

Houseplanter · 13/12/2023 09:10

An empty house is never a good idea. He's either loaded or not convinced about your relationship.

Either get married and sell his or get married and sell both. Or don't live together.

Janiie · 13/12/2023 09:27

I would just stay living separately, what is the point of moving in together if you still have 2 homes to run and pay for.

When he is ready to commit and sees it as a longterm/permanent thing then sell his and he pays half the bills etc of yours.

Original poster
Ljmh2022 · 13/12/2023 09:45

We have talked about getting married too and i think this will be in the next year or 2.
I can see both sides, I appreciate your views and can see it might not look like he is fully invested and committed. But at the same time I would be the same if I was to move in with him. I have worked too hard to risk selling the house, it potentially going wrong and then stuck unable to buy again due to high house prices.
He does always see the negative side though and says things like 'when couples get divorced, the man always loses the house/the man is always worse off' I've told him I don't like these comments as they are stereotypical and not true! I've told him I'm not going to screw him over if we ever did split up. If I was after his money/assets I would have chosen someone much richer! Ha

OP posts:
loopyloopyloopy1 · 13/12/2023 14:47

I would ask for half of what your bills are, gas electric, water, internet and ask for half the shopping too.

Sunshineandflipflops · 13/12/2023 15:05

loopyloopyloopy1 · 13/12/2023 14:47

I would ask for half of what your bills are, gas electric, water, internet and ask for half the shopping too.

Yes, this. Although surely a big plus of living together is to only have to pay for/run one home? Can you come to a compromise of doing as you say for a year and if things go well, plan to sell both homes and buy somewhere together that you both own and have equal shares in?

Also, if he is going to be living with you, why does he need to continue to pay for internet & TV package at his if it will be empty?

Do either of you know of anyone who might like to rent his house, so that it's not a stranger but you aren't paying to run 2 homes?

Remagirl · 13/12/2023 15:09

Most home insurance policies won't allow you to leave a property empty for more than 6 weeks.

EggNoggin · 13/12/2023 15:14

Your starting point needs to be 50/50 everything, then you can work from there.

For instance, are your salaries about equal or does one of you earn a lot more than the other?

You need to be very wary if he says that your expenses don't need to be split as you'd be paying them anyway, and that he'll chip in, rather than arranging what split you'll have.

Him having another property isn't anything to do with the fact you'll be living together. He's choosing to keep the property and not rent it out, that's totally his decision and needs form no part of your cohabiting arrangements.

I think you'd be foolish to take that as a starting point.

EggNoggin · 13/12/2023 15:18

He has to pay council tax for his house still but agreed to pay half the council tax extra i will be charged as I will have to give up my single person discount.

He should pay the full difference between your current CT and what it will be when he moves in at a minimum.

category12 · 13/12/2023 15:19

Why's he only paying half of the difference in your council tax bill? 🤔 Surely he should pay the whole difference?

Seems madness to decide to have a house standing empty for five years. Could understand it for a few months while you find your feet together, but for that long is such a waste (and risky for his property).

Overall you should both be better off for moving in together. Perhaps agree something in principle but agree to revise it in a month or two (and keep revising it if needs be).

Houseplanter · 13/12/2023 15:39

Remagirl · 13/12/2023 15:09

Most home insurance policies won't allow you to leave a property empty for more than 6 weeks.

This is a very good point

FPCculture · 13/12/2023 16:07

tescocreditcard · 13/12/2023 09:08

Wouldn't it be easier to just get married ? Being 30 years old and solvent is an excellent time to get married.

married or not, the questions she is asking will still remain. Read again

FPCculture · 13/12/2023 16:08

category12 · 13/12/2023 15:19

Why's he only paying half of the difference in your council tax bill? 🤔 Surely he should pay the whole difference?

Seems madness to decide to have a house standing empty for five years. Could understand it for a few months while you find your feet together, but for that long is such a waste (and risky for his property).

Overall you should both be better off for moving in together. Perhaps agree something in principle but agree to revise it in a month or two (and keep revising it if needs be).

love makes people do stupid things clearly. It all sounds mental doesn't it.

NosamLDN · 13/12/2023 16:13

Ljmh2022 · 13/12/2023 09:45

We have talked about getting married too and i think this will be in the next year or 2.
I can see both sides, I appreciate your views and can see it might not look like he is fully invested and committed. But at the same time I would be the same if I was to move in with him. I have worked too hard to risk selling the house, it potentially going wrong and then stuck unable to buy again due to high house prices.
He does always see the negative side though and says things like 'when couples get divorced, the man always loses the house/the man is always worse off' I've told him I don't like these comments as they are stereotypical and not true! I've told him I'm not going to screw him over if we ever did split up. If I was after his money/assets I would have chosen someone much richer! Ha

Helllo OP,to be honest, I find myself saying the same things he says "He does always see the negative side though".

As sad as it is, it's reality so you shouldn't say they are not true as statistics in most western countries do point this and most posts here actually.

I have not heard of your dilemma to be honest so it's very much a grey area, I would find a way to convince him to get a reputable estate agent and rent his place out. Just tell him that you should split all stuff in half as far as bills go and i think eventually he will decide the following: Living together is too much of a cost, rent out his place or just settling to continue paying all his bills at his whilst paying at yours.

P/S: Congrats to owning properties at 30, both of you.

BornIn78 · 13/12/2023 16:22

Why would he need to have internet and a TV package at a house that is empty?

Sounds like he wants to keep a cosy bolt hole for himself.

I’d be interested to know what he has suggested he should pay at your place?

Vuurhoutjies · 13/12/2023 16:28

NO NO NO NO NO.

OP, this is ridiculous. I'm sorry.

when you move in with someone, you should BOTH be better off financially (and emotionally etc but that's a different conversation) and that "better off" thing should be the same. But basically here, he seems to be the only one benefiting. He gets to keep his house but his bills there will go down significantly as he's not actually living in it, while yours will go up and the current suggestion is that all he has to meet at your house is the INCREASED bills.

Please, no. This is ridiculous. So basically, he'll continue to benefit from having a house, his bills will probably go down slightly overall and yours will stay the same. And I'm sorry, but I bet the workload for you won't go down either. And of course, you'll have less space for yourself - because suddenly that's his "work from home" space or his "hobby space" or where he puts his play station...

He should rent his house out. If he really doesn't want to do that, fine, but then that additional asset that he is choosing to fund must be from his own finances and you should agree a fair and equal split in YOUR house that is completely separate. Lots of people don't want their partner moving in and paying towards the mortgage because of. claim on their house. I'd say that some form of rent is totally fine, even if you have to speak to a solicitor to get it right and ensure you're safeguarded.

At the very least, all BILLS at your house should be split equally (excluding mortgage).

LittleOwl153 · 13/12/2023 16:38

Tbh as someone who has dealt with empty properties (awaiting probate) they are a nightmare. Much bigger liability than rented imo.

I get not wanting to rent out straight the way, and I also get not wanting to sell until your are on a firmer footing as a couple. However either he is moving in with you, in which case he pays half (or a proportionate to income) split on all bills (except mortgage and property maintenance) or he isn't.

You could compromise in that he could 'largely move in' for a period of up to 6 months (but I would have a very clear review period), where he pays a notional £100-200 a month - and half the food/grocery bills. During which time he would legally stay in his house (so no council tax changes, he stays there 1 night a month or something to cover insurance etc) but after that agreed period I would expect an all in split as above. (Which would likely mean him renting out his house)

When he rents out rhe house I'd expect him to share some of the rent (- less tax and necessary maintenance of course) As you're facilitating the rental income by providing accomodation for him. This could be a holiday/wedding fund whatever but I'd expect half to be in your name!

FrancineBox · 13/12/2023 16:41

I hope he's not just stringing you along. It all seems to benefit him. What do you actually get out of him moving in? 2 years to get married is too far away at 30.

FloweryWowery · 13/12/2023 16:45

'when couples get divorced, the man always loses the house/the man is always worse off'. I'd be very very wary of being with someone with this view which is both untrue and sexist.

Devon23 · 13/12/2023 16:55

Live separately until your bith willing to fully commit I think would be a better option.

Snowconecanfly · 13/12/2023 16:58

What would he charge you to move in with him?

the. Rent your house out.

he does not need Tv and internet in a house that is empty. Or is he planning on using it? If so, why?

spotddog · 13/12/2023 17:25

Being someone with a vacant property for a number of years,
Little owl, advice is very sound.

In my case, I no longer have content insurance (maintenance charge covers building), no longer pay internet & TV. Gas & electricity are minimal. FF is turned off, doors left open. Heating is on 2-3 hours a day and that's it. My overheads are very low.

Please consider littleowls wise advice

FPCculture · 13/12/2023 17:26

Houseplanter · 13/12/2023 09:10

An empty house is never a good idea. He's either loaded or not convinced about your relationship.

Either get married and sell his or get married and sell both. Or don't live together.

How getting married will resolve the dilemma?

FPCculture · 13/12/2023 17:29

FloweryWowery · 13/12/2023 16:45

'when couples get divorced, the man always loses the house/the man is always worse off'. I'd be very very wary of being with someone with this view which is both untrue and sexist.

Are you sure? if his words were "mostly, man are worse off in divorce" not "always", would you agree that this is true? Statistics should give you an answer in case you disagree