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Original poster

How to move in and split things fairly?

101 replies

Ljmh2022 · 13/12/2023 08:57

Looking for advice for the fairest way to handle this please.

Been with boyfriend nearly 18 months, we are both 30 and we are moving in together in the new year. We both have our own houses already (both mortgaged) but we have decided he will be moving in to my house due to better location and being slightly bigger.
He doesn't want to sell his house (incase he is left with nothing i can understand this as i wouldn't want to sell mine either. I wouldn't be able to rebuy my house now with the cost of house prices etc) but he doesnt want to rent it out either (he has seen this go wrong/terrible tennants through friends who have rented before) which is fair enough. He thinks long term we can eventually buy a joint house together and rent our houses out but in like 5 years or something. Which then he wouldn't be as sentimental about the house he has worked so hard for/decorated etc.

So my question is how do we split things so it is fair?
He would still have his running costs for his house, still house Insurance, base rate gas and electric costs, still have Internet and tv package to pay at his plus his monthly mortgage payments.
Whether he moves in or not I am paying for Internet/ tv etc at my house anyway and the price of these will not change if he moves in or not.
So should he just be paying for the extra bit of gas/electric we will be using and then the share of food bills?
I don't want him paying twice for everything because he's obviously still got his bills at home and I don't want him chipping in for house repairs/mortgage anyway as I don't want him to have a claim on my house in any way. He has to pay council tax for his house still but agreed to pay half the council tax extra i will be charged as I will have to give up my single person discount.

Its just much more complicated in my head in this situation rather than clear cut split.

OP posts:
locket2009 · 15/12/2023 09:20

webster1987 · 13/12/2023 20:35

Not what you're asking but his home insurance will be invalid if sat empty

A lot of mortgage terms also don't allow properties to sit empty

TheGratefulDad · 15/12/2023 09:45

"This man hates women and resents marriage"

What an utterly ludicrous assertion to make, BentitlikeBeckham, one that absolutely cannot be justified based on the limited number of posts OP has made.

This sentence clearly has much more to do with your own baggage than it does OP's situation.

Back to the topic though, OP's partner is ridiculous for wanting to leave a house entirely unoccupied for up to 5 years. If he can afford to leave that much money on the table with no concerns, he can afford to contribute more money towards council tax, other bills etc.

TPMG · 15/12/2023 17:18

I totally agree with you. I couldn't afford to keep a house and not live in it. I don't think this guy is committed at all.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 15/12/2023 17:47

Janiie · 13/12/2023 09:27

I would just stay living separately, what is the point of moving in together if you still have 2 homes to run and pay for.

When he is ready to commit and sees it as a longterm/permanent thing then sell his and he pays half the bills etc of yours.

This . 100%

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 15/12/2023 17:49

OP all I can say is he has seen you coming.
This is a recipe for disaster .

Is he that great you want to pay for him as that is really what you are doing.
All I herd from your post was him
him him .
As pp said when he is ready to commit then and only then do you both set up home together .

Oh and aren’t you lucky he is going to pay half of the extra council tax that you are charged for him living there honest to god .
Give yourself a shake

hellsBells246 · 15/12/2023 17:51

Remagirl · 13/12/2023 15:09

Most home insurance policies won't allow you to leave a property empty for more than 6 weeks.

That's what I was going to say. That's going to be a problem.

Bellamondus · 15/12/2023 19:06

That sounds fair

sandyhappypeople · 15/12/2023 19:24

to me you're either committed to each other and ready to take the next step or you're not, him not renting his house out is him keeping one foot out the door, whether you want to admit that or not, it makes no sense on any level other than a backup plan.

When me and DH were in this position, I moved into his larger house and rented out my house, we spent all our time together anyway and it made sense to make the next logical step. we split everything 50/50. If you're not at that point then maybe rethink moving in together for now? HE is choosing to keep his house empty/on standby so why should you be expected subsidise that?

Whataretheodds · 15/12/2023 19:30

FloweryWowery · 13/12/2023 16:45

'when couples get divorced, the man always loses the house/the man is always worse off'. I'd be very very wary of being with someone with this view which is both untrue and sexist.

This.

Luxell934 · 15/12/2023 19:54

I don’t see the point of doing this, like others have said it would have implications on the home insurance etc

If he’s going to keep his house and not rent you might as well just stay as you are. He could stay at yours most of the time but keeps his own home and pays his bills as usual and you pay yours. You could be together 100% of the time but just splitting your time between the two houses.

LockedDownKnockedUp · 16/12/2023 03:40

Remagirl · 13/12/2023 15:09

Most home insurance policies won't allow you to leave a property empty for more than 6 weeks.

I came to say exactly this.

TheGCNotThatOne · 16/12/2023 08:20

it doesn’t really matter what his other overheads are, if you’re moving in together you should be splitting the bills equally. He also can’t leave his own property permanently unoccupied without invalidating his insurance, so he either needs to get a tenant or sell it.

Atina321 · 16/12/2023 10:25

An empty house can be more hassle than a tenanted one. Squatters being one potential problem which are worse to sort than a bad tenant.

He needs to rent it out - use a recommendation from a friend of a good agency to use and get insurance.

CKL987 · 16/12/2023 10:34

He should pay half the bills in your house. It's his problem if he doesn't want to rent his place out and continue to pay bills there.

oneproudmumma · 16/12/2023 17:49

Hang on, he doesn't want to rent his house out due to being put off by his friends' experiences but he suggested a few years down the line he would be happy to rent out both of your houses??? Erm. 🚩 🚩

He doesn't sound very confident in the relationship and tbh neither do you (maybe because you have picked up on how wary he is).

I think the best solution is you both continue to live apart for now OR you suggest you rent out your house and live with him? I'd be interested in how he responds to that suggestion. I'm guessing he won't be keen.

PopandFizz · 16/12/2023 21:02

What's with all the marriage police? 2 years is not too far away when you're 30. It's perfectly reasonable to wait 3.5 yrs before getting married (what it would be if they wait another 2). Geez!

I get the hesitation with renting but I do think that's his best bet, not living in a house for 5 years is not a smart thing to do either, can cause all sorts of issues and it's essentially dead money. Or, depending on your location, he could air bnb it.
There's also the consideration of when your mortgages are next up for renewal as they new tariff are STEEP so if his is going to renew in the next couple of years it might be an idea to try and sell before that renewal.

In terms of splitting, I think as you are currently with him having the empty house, maybe it would be smart to do the maths monthly. He'll have to have his heating on fairly often to keep pipes etc going and house from freezing up, but electricity should be fully down. Maybe get rid of his fridge freezer.
Then maybe the reasonable thing to do is to add your bills together, divide by 2 then deduct what he's already paying for his house and bills and see what's left over.
I'd say find an average nut that'll wildly very depending on season.

JLou08 · 16/12/2023 23:04

Why would he still be paying the TV and Internet package if he doesn't live there? Why would he want to leave a house completely empty. It's going to be open to squatters, it won't be getting aired. It's a complete waste of money. I get him holding on to it for security but not renting it out is strange. As is continuing to pay Internet and TV.

SurreyisSunny · 17/12/2023 08:41

I’d say he needs to find private tenants that he knows personally. Maybe just charging a rent to cover the mortgage and insurance. He can’t leave the property empty as he won’t be able to insure it. Leaving it empty just doesn’t make sense financially either.

Whilst he’s paying for his own property I think the only thing you can reasonably split is food cost.

FuckinghellthatsUnbelievable · 17/12/2023 08:48

EggNoggin · 13/12/2023 15:18

He has to pay council tax for his house still but agreed to pay half the council tax extra i will be charged as I will have to give up my single person discount.

He should pay the full difference between your current CT and what it will be when he moves in at a minimum.

Where I live he will be charged double council tax in a year for an empty property. Also most insurance policies won’t cover an empty house.

Honestly feel like he has to decide to rent out or not move in. It is beyond cheeky to say that as you pay to heat the house anyway he won’t contribute just the extra for showers etc.

Melomelop · 17/12/2023 08:56

Remagirl · 13/12/2023 15:09

Most home insurance policies won't allow you to leave a property empty for more than 6 weeks.

My husband works in insurance and this is true - in fact, most home insurance policies won’t allow you to leave a house unoccupied for more than 4 weeks. Just be aware that the house won’t be covered if there’s a leak etc.

Epidote · 17/12/2023 08:57

He needs to rent. Not necessarily now, but he can make a search for good state agencies and rent in a few months from now. All that money can be put aside for the new house or to overpay mortgages.

If you are going to live together makes all sense of the world go halves and that rent will be a wonderful extra income at the end of the year. Even for house improvements. It is a lot of money.

NeonSoda · 17/12/2023 11:13

leaving your home empty often invalidates your insurance and also leaves you at risk of being scammed.

he should sell it or rent it.

Suesuegreen · 17/12/2023 11:42

So you're both happy to have an empty house sat there whilst there is a housing crisis in this country and people and families are desperate for housing? Sounds very selfish to me

Suesuegreen · 17/12/2023 11:43

Squatting residential properties has been illegal for years, no squatters would be stupid enough to do this

Thenewmags · 17/12/2023 20:00

Ljmh2022 · 14/12/2023 10:29

We both want to live together as we want to spend more time together and see this as the next step in our relationship. It is in a way a trial marriage as someone quoted.
There's a lot of people saying moving in should be for financial reasons but this is not why we're wanting to do it. We don't need to move in to save money or gain an extra couple of hundred pounds a month my moving in together, we just want to because we're happy together (and in love)

Thanks for the advice, we're going to trail for a couple of months then review so then final decisions can be made on cancelling any extra subscriptions we still have at the other house and renting options.

Show quote history

That seems like a sensible decision.

It’s actually a fair point that finances shouldn’t be the driving motivation in moving in, which is probably why I’ve never lived with a partner yet. I think it’s a shame people feel financially under pressure to move in with partners before they’re ready or to stick with them when they’d rather leave. And that’s happening more and more with the cost of living, rising rents etc

However, I think in this instance people are suggesting you be more financially shrewd because your partners mind seems to be very much on his wallet with his comments about men ending up worse off. And it looks as if you may be actually slightly worse off under his proposed arrangement.

It all may suggest a lack of commitment and that he’s very wary. That said, the commitment can come later though - it’s not like you’ve been together 5 years or more. But marriage /love is a risk and it can’t be done successfully when someone keeps being overly cautious.

It seems fair and balanced to give it a few months trial.

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