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Original poster

How often do you have sex?

119 replies

Mothersmith89 · 12/12/2023 19:52

I want some honest answers here. because me and my husband have been together 15 years and for the past 6 years have had sex probably roughly 4 times a year. Im still young (34) I’m really struggling but I don’t want it with him anymore. Apart from that our relationship is good. Please help : (

ps - we openly talk about it. We know it’s a problem. Or is it?

OP posts:
grinchers · 12/12/2023 20:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

FrancineBox · 12/12/2023 20:08

In my 30s and hardly never, together a really long time.
It's only a problem if either wants it more and it's not happening.

Mummymummy89 · 12/12/2023 20:09

I'm your age and I'd say about twice a month... we'd like it more but it's hard to find time around looking after dc and working. We both really enjoy it when it happens.

Why don't you want it, is your dh not good at making it enjoyable for you?

fourelementary · 12/12/2023 20:10

Also married 15 years. 2-3 times per week. Once if stressed or very busy but normal to be 2-3. Unusual to be 4… but not unknown. Great sex life tbh, no complaints. No spring chickens here either mid forties plus! Teen and tween kids…

SpringingJoy · 12/12/2023 20:12

We're late 30's/early 40's and have been together nearly 20 years.

We probably average once a week.

Once most weeks, twice on a good week, three times very rarely. But then there are weeks when it just doesn't happen (work/life/tired bla bla). So probably once a week when averaged out.

Inaspot21 · 12/12/2023 20:12

I’m 44 and single right now but with my recent ex who I was with for 6 years it settled to about 1-2 times a week, varied a bit here and there. Same with my exh before him and we were together for 16 years, we had pretty evenly matched sex drives. Do you have young children? That would definitely be a factor!

AchillesHeelys · 12/12/2023 20:19

Late 30s with two young children. About twice a month, DH would like every day, I could happily go for months at a time. I have zero libido since having children. It’s a constant source of tension in our marriage.

mycatsanutter · 12/12/2023 20:23

I'm 49 DH 43 been together 18 years . We go through stages so will do it 3 nights in a row for example then nothing for a week then 2-3 nights in a row again .I find the more I have it the more I want it. Do you just not fancy him anymore ?

JofraArchersFastestBall · 12/12/2023 20:31

I think we average about once or twice a week. Frankly I don't fancy it much outside of my ovulation week... when I'd do it twice a day if possible. But I love DH, he's fantastic in bed and I always enjoy it once we get started. I think/hope we're both happy with our current rate. Hopefully it'll pick up a bit once the children are older.

I'm worried about the menopause, which can't be too far away. My sex drive seems so hormone dependent I'm afraid it'll just die post menopause.

Silverbirchtwo · 12/12/2023 20:35

Until my DP got prostate cancer it was once a week in our 60s. Unfortunately the hormones he's on now mean it's not possible.

MonsteraMama · 12/12/2023 20:40

30's, together 17 years, usually 2-4 times a week depending on how busy we are. Ebbs and flows, sometimes a lot more than that, sometimes a lot less.

Why don't you want it with him? Don't you fancy him anymore, or is it not very good for you?

Ihaveoflate · 12/12/2023 20:49

Both mid forties, together 14 years, one small child (under 5), two jobs

We have sex about twice a week on average, occasionally 3 times and never less than once a week. My sex drive is very much tied to my hormones but if I don't fancy it, I'll give oral happily.

We went through a very dry patch after our child was born when it dwindled to once every 2 or 3 months. Then we had a relationship crisis, which we're still working through, and sex is very much back on the cards.

OhMehGoddess · 12/12/2023 20:49

Differs all the time. Can be up to 3 months without any and then every day. There are/were so many factors.

Neither of us have a huge sex drive. Have been together 20 years.

rosyglowcondition · 12/12/2023 20:51

3 times a week. Busy lives, jobs, children, home, hobbies so lots of other distractions

Oneextra · 12/12/2023 20:51

Once a quarter is a marriage killer...I think you need to dig into why you don't fancy him and maybe consider letting him go.

Socialyawkward · 12/12/2023 20:51

Normally 3-4 times a week but if there's things going on can go down to 2. Summer tends to shift to every day🙈

rosyglowcondition · 12/12/2023 20:52

Both in 40s

Doggymummar · 12/12/2023 20:52

Three years ago 😭 we talk about it but nothing happens

Tistheramseason · 12/12/2023 20:54

Late 30s, been together over 20 years. Between 1 and 4 times a week depending on my time of the month, our tiredness levels and if one of us has a cold etc..

jclm · 12/12/2023 20:57

Have not had it with my husband for 2+ years. He has lost his libido. It has caused a terrible sadness and feeling of inadequacy in me. I would never dream of leaving him for this reason as we are very happy otherwise. I now have found a different outlet...

underneaththeash · 12/12/2023 21:00

Late 40’s been together 20 years. Usually 1-2 x a week.
I do have a lots of friend if the same age, who have sex less frequently though, but you’re a lot younger.

ours was less frequent when we had small children and we didn’t have sex when I was heavily pregnant or breastfeeding (I didn’t fact it was I was bfing and DH felt a bit weird when I was pregnant)

namechangedforthisone35 · 12/12/2023 21:01

35 and 43. Once a quarter

GoldDuster · 12/12/2023 21:09

Why don't you want it with him any more? Do you want it with anyone, has your drive vanished or it's there but you just don't want to have sex with your DH? Is he happy with how things are or would he like to do it more?

Icantsleepagain · 12/12/2023 21:10

In our 40s. This week it's been nearly every day. Previous few months it was once a month due to stress at work. It can fluctuate. Neither of us would cope with once a month long term. We are both tactile and hug and kiss a lot.

RedRobyn2021 · 12/12/2023 21:14

A bit more at the moment as we're trying to conceive but not a lot tbh, we have gone many many months without any sex at all because we were exhausted and I was touched out with DD

DP recently introduced a vibrator to help when I'm not feeling in the mood (sometimes I don't need it) but the times when I'm struggling this has really really helped turn things around quickly.

I'm 32

Even before we had DD we were together 5 years and we didn't do it that much. It was only when we first got together that we did it a lot.