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Original poster

How often do you have sex?

119 replies

Mothersmith89 · 12/12/2023 19:52

I want some honest answers here. because me and my husband have been together 15 years and for the past 6 years have had sex probably roughly 4 times a year. Im still young (34) I’m really struggling but I don’t want it with him anymore. Apart from that our relationship is good. Please help : (

ps - we openly talk about it. We know it’s a problem. Or is it?

OP posts:
PepsiCoco · 12/12/2023 22:14

40s, been together 5 years. Every Saturday sometimes on other days.

Member786488 · 12/12/2023 22:14

In our 50s and 60s, married 20+ years. Haven’t had penetrative sex for 10+ years.
He’d like it weekly, I’d be happy to take it off the cards for ever. I love him but don’t care about sex.
He’s a good man.

icebearforpresident · 12/12/2023 22:15

I’m 38 and been with my husband 20 years. It can vary a bit but probably once a week. I use a contraceptive implant and this one (it’s my 4th) has really made my sex drive plummet. It’s due to be removed early next year and I won’t be having another. If my husband initiates I get into it and enjoy sex but I just don’t have the desire. We have talked about it, to a point, but I’m scared I’ll have my implant removed and my sex drive won’t return.

CutiePatooties · 12/12/2023 22:15

Same age as you and I wanted it all the time but he didn’t. We then only had it when he wanted it, so I built up resentment so now when he wants it we still don’t have it. I did give in one night recently, but hadn’t had sex for about 4 months by that point. So it went from a few times a day, to once a month (his preference) to once every 4 months (when I give in out of desperation). I don’t really want to have sex with someone who doesn’t really want to have sex with me. I did really miss it, but now I’m not so bothered and just accepted this is my life.

girljulian · 12/12/2023 22:16

OP, is it a problem? It’s been like this for 6 years. Do you both want it more, or do you think you should want it more, because the two things are different. If you’re both low libido and content with this frequency, that’s fine.

MyopicBunny · 12/12/2023 22:17

It will be a problem if you find a man you do want to have sex with. Because that means you're with the wrong person.

Echobelly · 12/12/2023 22:19

Mid 40s, married 17 years. About 3-4 times a month which suits me as I've never been very sexual, though he'd like more. It's been a bit infrequent lately as we're usually in separate beds due to his snoring and we've both had bad colds for about a month. Generally the only times we go more than a fortnight without is if one of us is ill and we've only ever gone over a month without is when I've been within a few weeks of giving birth or was recovering from doing so.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 12/12/2023 22:21

I'm 37. Last time was 2 months ago on a child free wedding where we stayed at a hotel. Before that probably when we conceived our youngest who is 2. I cosleep with the little one and DH is on spare room so we just never get round to it. But we love each other and do discuss it to make sure we are ok

Museum10667 · 12/12/2023 22:23

a short session on average, once a week as and when

Todaysproblem · 12/12/2023 22:24

Late 30s, been together / married for over 13 years and it varies, from 1-2 times a week if it’s a stressful or v busy period to 4-6 times a week if life is happy and normal.

HarrietStyles · 12/12/2023 22:26

It’s only a problem if either or both of you aren’t happy with that. If you both only want sex occasionally and it works for you, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else does. But to answer the title - once or twice a week, been together 20+ years.

FiftyandUnfit · 12/12/2023 22:30

We had a long period - maybe 8 years or so of 2 or 3 times a year. We had a lot going on with my ASD daughter and I honestly think neither of us were that bothered. The last six months or so we have had a renaissance and now it's 1 or 2 times a week. I think it's kids leaving home and life getting easier. We've been together 22 years and having less sex was never a dealbreaker for us - we've always been affectionate. It is really dependant on matched sex drives - sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship for some people.

BooBooBaloo · 12/12/2023 22:35

Mid 40s, together just over 10 years (no kids)

We had got down to every 6 weeks or so, but I had no sex drive due to severe gynae pain triggered by sex. That's fixed now (and we are back to every week or two) probably not as much as it could be but better than it was!

Whatthefnow · 12/12/2023 22:36

Every Friday and Saturday I have filthy sex.

We're just back from holiday and we had sex three/four times.

Before this I was in a sexless relationship. I tried to fix it but left in the end.

Ex contacted me and admitted the reason but it was too late.

fishCellar · 12/12/2023 22:37

Whatthefnow · 12/12/2023 22:36

Every Friday and Saturday I have filthy sex.

We're just back from holiday and we had sex three/four times.

Before this I was in a sexless relationship. I tried to fix it but left in the end.

Ex contacted me and admitted the reason but it was too late.

Do you want to say a bit more on what "filthy sex" is?
Asking for a friend:)

RTHJ14 · 12/12/2023 22:38

We’re finding it hard as the kids stay up later than us! Mid 40’s, nearly 20 years together and usually 3 times a week mainly over a weekend. On hols or when off work will increase to most days. Apart from just before and after giving birth we’ve never gone more than a week without it.

tolerable · 12/12/2023 22:40

at 34.daily.more than onceand half the night.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 12/12/2023 22:45

42 and he's 39 we have a 10 yr old. We've been talking about this as now DD is older it's difficult to fit it in. She had an unexpected play date after school so I rushed home from work for a quickie! Before that it's been weeks and weeks. When I was mid 30's though we hardly ever had it. I was just knackered and stressed and zoning out to the tv every evening. Now I have hobbies and get out the house a bit I want it more.

NightTimeRain · 12/12/2023 22:45

Last time 7 years ago but im single

SpongeBobSquarePantaloons · 12/12/2023 22:48

Late 20s/early 30s couple. No children. A few times a year. Honestly I'm not fussed for sex and I rarely think about it.

Because I'm not big on sex, I find it hard to understand why it is such a big deal to other people and why it affects relationships so much. But if the lack of sex is a problem for you, you should try to figure out what has caused it and discuss with your partner.

Lubilu02 · 12/12/2023 22:50

Both in 30's, together 15+ years, with a few kids, 1-3 times a week.
It's a fair bit less than when we had no kids. I do think having similar drives helps, and how affectionate you are in between aswell ,that makes up about 80% of our intimacy nowadays.

VeronicaSawyer89 · 12/12/2023 22:52

I'm 45, been together for nearly 30 years, and we have it once or twice a week.

WhileMyDishwasherGentlyWeeps · 12/12/2023 22:54

When Halley’s Comet comes round.

theduchessofspork · 12/12/2023 22:55

51 and 52, about 3 times a week, sometimes 4, but only because we pretty much schedule it, like the gym.

I do think spontaneity is not realistic for most people in a long term relationship with kids, and that the more you have it, the more you want it.

So scheduling might be worth a go

restingrichface · 12/12/2023 22:55

Late 30's and married 15 years. 1-2 times a week at the moment but I'm pregnant which is slowing down my sex drive a bit.