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Original poster

How often do you have sex?

119 replies

Mothersmith89 · 12/12/2023 19:52

I want some honest answers here. because me and my husband have been together 15 years and for the past 6 years have had sex probably roughly 4 times a year. Im still young (34) I’m really struggling but I don’t want it with him anymore. Apart from that our relationship is good. Please help : (

ps - we openly talk about it. We know it’s a problem. Or is it?

OP posts:
Wednesday6 · 12/12/2023 22:58

We've been together for 10 years, it varies a lot depending on what's going on. Once a week or once in two weeks. It's usually maintenance sex but occasionally we have a hot one. I liked listening to sex expert Esther Perel. Lots of good advice on how to maintain reasonable sex life.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 12/12/2023 23:00

53 and 49. Once a week without fail - occasionally twice if the stars are aligned 🤩🤣

BumpyaDaisyevna · 12/12/2023 23:00

BumpyaDaisyevna · 12/12/2023 23:00

53 and 49. Once a week without fail - occasionally twice if the stars are aligned 🤩🤣

Been together 22 years.

asquideatingdough · 12/12/2023 23:10

4-5 times a year with ex DH. 4-5 times a week with new DP (late 40s, together almost 3 years). I thought I had low libido but then discovered it was actually because I didn't fancy my ex after years of being unhappy in our marriage.

toomanyleggings · 12/12/2023 23:13

Couple of times a month. I’m nearly 40 he’s nearly 50. It’s my libido and gynae issues that’s the problem

Elzibells · 12/12/2023 23:15

Whatthefnow · 12/12/2023 22:36

Every Friday and Saturday I have filthy sex.

We're just back from holiday and we had sex three/four times.

Before this I was in a sexless relationship. I tried to fix it but left in the end.

Ex contacted me and admitted the reason but it was too late.

What was the reason?

Daughtersandbristolian · 12/12/2023 23:17

My Husband would have it every night however he falls asleep early, my eldest is still awake and I like intimacy so hugging, laying on sofa all those things makeme feel closer - his is sex.
i can’t go from no contact to sex
and he can that’s the problem I’m also always so dry.
he always instigates it but I feel so stressed with things that I just can’t switch off. I do
try and go along and get in the mood when I feel like it but iYa not as frequent as him my libido is non existent and I don’t know why?

MarleyandMarleyWoooo · 12/12/2023 23:19

Three or four times a week. I’m a bit of a headache for my poor DH and would definitely go more often everyday and twice on Sundays but yea, not always practical. We’re 30 and 32, been together 9 years, with a 2 year old son, two reasonably sized businesses and DH works super long hours so really I’m surprised it’s as much as it is tbh 😂

HashBrownandBeans · 12/12/2023 23:24

im mid 40s, he’s mid 30s, been together 9.5 years. We do it 1-2 times a week, sometimes 3 on a good week.

Dawndayda · 12/12/2023 23:24

We are mid 30s and have 2 kids under 2 plus a 7 and 12 year old. DP works away and is often only back every 2nd weekend (it's a shit shit working pattern) so we usually have sex at least once a fortnight but try to get it in whenever we can the weekends when he's back, it can be difficult with 4 kids in the house though.
I was married before, we didn't have kids, and I very much felt like you. Our sex life had dwindled as he had a very low libido while mine is very high, eventually after so much rejection I stopped seeing him that way but he was like my best friend. I left (after much heartache and trying to improve our sex life) and further down the line met DP whose sex drive definitely matches my own which means that I haven't stopped seeing him in that way and still really fancy him years down the line. However, as much as I love my DP, he's not my best friend the way my ex was and there's something to be said for that kind of relationship as well. I sometimes miss the comfort of being with my best friend but I hated our sex life (I had stopped enjoying it when we did have sex as well) and that just wasnt something I could live with in the long run. I don't think there is any right or wrong, it's down to what you want and are happy with in your relationship.

Lovethatforyou · 12/12/2023 23:26

Our marriage is not in a good place so it’s not happening. Last time was probably six months ago.

:(

Charlize43 · 12/12/2023 23:32

All the time. Actually I'm typing this while having...

alifetimeago1 · 12/12/2023 23:35

Late 30s, been with partner for 15yrs. Haven't had sex since DC was conceived back in 2020. Before that, we had sex maybe once every other month.
We're both just too knackered at the moment, and not interested in it, but we feel not all hope is lost and we will eventually get our mojo back when we have more energy (DC sapping it all).
I breastfed DC until he was 2.4yrs, and during that time I just didn't feel like my body was mine, and the idea of sex just felt weird. I'm also a little terrified of what it'll feel like - it's been so long I worry my vagina is sealed shut.

jhy · 12/12/2023 23:46

Once a week. DP wants it more but it's hard to fit in as we are rarely in the house at the same time and on different sleep schedules!
DP thinks I should sacrifice sleep to do it but honestly, cba.

Wallflower3 · 12/12/2023 23:48

Been together 4 years, married 1, have a 6 month old baby, 15 year age gap, used to be upto 4 times a day. Have sex at least once a day now (usually 2x on weekends) but not on the first 3 days of my period.

WrylyAmused · 12/12/2023 23:49

42 & 48, together 4 years.
In a good patch, 1-2x per day.
In a bad patch, once every 7-10 days.
But we both have high sex drives and it really depends.

Past 10yr relationship, ended up not for months, but I recognise now it was related to him not doing things he said he would and a parent/child dynamic developing, which is enough to kill anyone's libido.

Recommend the Emily Nagoski book "Come as you are" - has quite a lot of interesting points about why sex often peters out in long term relationships, and it's not nearly as much about physical attraction changing as you might think...

Notsure94 · 12/12/2023 23:52

We have had a long distance relationship for seven years, see each other weekends only and we usually cram a weeks worth in or two or three times at least. Absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder! We plan to marry and move in together in a few years but I worry it will kill the anticipation etc.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 12/12/2023 23:58

Early - mid 30s

1.5 year old and a 5 month old.

lol 😂 pretty much none right now. However last month it was 3-4x a week, then our youngest decided to go through a leap 4 regression so didn't have much time.

Things are a lot more settled now so we chatted last night about making more time for us! X

BooBooBaloo · 12/12/2023 23:58

jhy · 12/12/2023 23:46

Once a week. DP wants it more but it's hard to fit in as we are rarely in the house at the same time and on different sleep schedules!
DP thinks I should sacrifice sleep to do it but honestly, cba.

Would he sacrifice sleep for it?

BooBooBaloo · 13/12/2023 00:00

And not being arsey, just curious!

SwordToFlamethrower · 13/12/2023 00:12

I'm f46 and dh is 38. Before our dd, we had sex several times a week, sometime several times a day. Our dd is 13 months and we have sex about 2-4 times a month. We both would love more but we are either too tired or no privacy to do it.

We absolutely fancy the pants off one another though, and snog each other and hug daily.

SwordToFlamethrower · 13/12/2023 00:25

What does sex mean though? Is it judged by his orgasm or yours?

Is it judged by penetration by a penis or not?

If everyone who commented, comment again and change number of times having sex, counted by the number of your orgasms, how does this change your answer?

For example, he ejaculated once in a week, but you orgasmed 4 times in a week, you would say sex was 4 times a week.

Just curious.

Fummymummy · 13/12/2023 00:33

About once a month on average. 35, together 10+ years, and have 2 young DC. Both happy with this as far as I'm aware. It's only a problem if you're unhappy with it.
We also sleep in separate rooms and we are both happier for it!

DelusionalBrilliance · 13/12/2023 00:39

Late 30s late 40s, together 17 years.

Seems to follow a pattern of 4-5 times in a week, then a week or two without.

Two DC’s at home, 3 and 7 so they still have early bedtimes. I can see it being less frequent in a few years for many reasons.

Lollipopsicle · 13/12/2023 01:05

WhileMyDishwasherGentlyWeeps · 12/12/2023 22:54

When Halley’s Comet comes round.

😂😂😂