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Original poster

Should I report to social services

108 replies

Worriedforthemall · 12/12/2023 07:53

My neighbour is a single dad to 2 young children and 1 has special needs. He seems pleasant but quiet when I speak to him occasionally in passing. Unfortunately I do hear him shouting at the children a lot and I also smell cannabis from the house, it seems smoking it inside also. I had a parcel to give to him yesterday and when I went to hand it in next door I got a glimpse into the house and it looked in an awful state. I noticed that the children look a bit unkempt- hair, etc ...and the older one recently has these awful cuts around his mouth. Both very pale kids and now I think about it, I don't see him taking them out much, except for school.

I don't want to cause any trouble for anyone, but I find myself worrying for them all.

OP posts:
mushroommummy · 12/12/2023 08:02

I would personally invent reasons to pop over every now & angain and keep an eye on things. He obviously has full custody of his children, so presumably had to fight for that unless the mother is deceased or very ill.

Having worked in SS (adults) am super reluctant to call them unless I 100% know they would be better off placed elsewhere. The support isn’t the same and the provision isn’t there & school would surely have picked up on something?

MintJulia · 12/12/2023 08:05

Always always report concerns. Better to be on the safe side, and let the professionals take a view and offer support if needed.

No child ever died from a SS welfare check.

Original poster
Worriedforthemall · 12/12/2023 08:12

@mushroommummy This was what held me off before, I see them go to school and I thought they would of reported something if there was a cause for concern. I suppose there's that doubt though when I remember some public cases of children that were missed because someone always assumed someone else was looking into it type thing. I'm reluctant to 'medle' and I don't want any animosity with neighbours. Just been increasingly worrying and wondered if a welfare check would ease things. I wouldn't want things to be made worse for him, it doesn't seem like he has anyone who visits. He only moved in just before the summer.

@MintJulia this was my thought process, hopefully no harm in someone checking, maybe that could give him some support. Wouldn't want to cause a family any harm.

OP posts:
ChateauDuMont · 12/12/2023 08:25

Couldn't you approach the school with your concerns first?

Pickles2023 · 12/12/2023 08:32

I would probably make an excuse to pop over and engage in lil chit chat. (Oops made too much cake, so thought i would see if you want some...how are you all doing btw? )

I dont like to make assumptions when i dont know the full situation, or if they already have help involved ect. Its easy to get the wrong end of the stick. So i would spend some time to suss the situation more. Although if i witnessed more solid proof, or what he was shouting? A telling off out of exasperation is quite different to personal insults for example. Then like someone else suggested, if they go to the same school you could mention something there.

Ilovethewild · 12/12/2023 08:33

I would speak to the school to raise concerns, but you might also want to drop a small Christmas gift for the children (primark has cheap clothes, beauty stuff like hairbrushes, bubble baths etc) or food?

Elvanseshortage · 12/12/2023 08:33

@ChateauDuMont why would OP report to the school? Schools are for teaching and learning, they are not a branch of the police or social services. Staff work flat out on teaching and learning. Why would you add to their workload by getting them to do something extra that you could do for yourself? Call SS yourself. It’s possible the school have already reported their concerns and your call will add to the picture enough to get SS to act.

Pickles2023 · 12/12/2023 08:35

But do they look unkempt going to school? Or out? We all look a mess at home, wear comfies, baking, mud play in garden ect

Elvanseshortage · 12/12/2023 08:35

@ChateauDuMont sorry I have mixed you up with the OP and cannot find an edit button. My point still stands. Schools are placed of education not branches of SS or police.

ThePoshUns · 12/12/2023 08:35

Agree don't report to school.
The agency that need to know are social services.
The family may already be on their radar.
I know it's not easy but sometimes you have to step up and do the right thing.

FlowerBarrow · 12/12/2023 08:42

School-going fair skinned kids with impetigo/cold sore and who haven’t brushed their hair, and you want to call ss? How very judgy of you. Literally on what basis would you be doing this?

eighbell · 12/12/2023 08:46

Try to make friends. Maybe you can help them?

Psyberbaby · 12/12/2023 08:47

Why are people suggesting she pop over with bloody cake?

What do you think the dads gunna say, "oh thanks for the cake, please do walk it into the kitchen and take the chance to have a proper look around!"

He'll just take it om the doorstep

Psyberbaby · 12/12/2023 08:48

It's not your job to make friends or spy on them or contact the school. Contact SS

Tiredbehyondbelief · 12/12/2023 08:50

Hi there, I am a midwife. We liaise with social services all the time and not only about babies. Lots of mums have older children at home. So I am very familiar with the issue. From what you have described it's highly unlikely the children will be taken into foster care. What's is most likely to happen is that dad will be given additional support i.e. extra childcare, a referral to mental health counselling etc. It's only going to be positive for the children. If you still have doubts please call NSPCC helpline. They will talk you through your concerns and if they think social services need to be involved you can do it anonymously though them. These children are lucky to have you as a concerned neighbour, please act. There are far too many children slipping through the safety net, the statistics are awful.

Nicole1111 · 12/12/2023 08:53

Yes call your local mash team. They will speak to school, gp surgery, housing (if relevant) etc and gain a fuller picture of the children’s lives. There may be no need for further action but if there is they will decide. You can ask to remain anonymous so the father won’t know it’s you.

beautifullittletree · 12/12/2023 08:56

eighbell · 12/12/2023 08:46

Try to make friends. Maybe you can help them?

Do you have any idea if the enormity of such an idea?

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 12/12/2023 09:01

Cake and a "lil chit chat"?! FFS.

OP trust your gut and contact SS. People don't like asking for help but if it's offered then it can be life-changing.

SENparenting · 12/12/2023 09:02

I think you need to carefully consider what the issues are and which are genuine safeguarding concerns. Being scruffy and a having a messy home arent a safeguarding concerns unless it’s dangerous. But drug taking of a parent is.

I’d encourage anyone considering reporting a family to read this. https://www.specialneedsjungle.com/does-child-protection-guidance-discriminate-against-disabled-children/

Does child protection guidance discriminate against disabled children? - Special Needs Jungle

New guidance has been published by NICE that could make child protection concerns even more of a problem for families with disabled children

https://www.specialneedsjungle.com/does-child-protection-guidance-discriminate-against-disabled-children/

autienotnaughty · 12/12/2023 09:11

Ss 100%.

People view them as interfering judgemental child snatchers.

Their role is to support and protect vulnerable children. If their involvement isn't required they wil sign off or refer to appropriate services.

MintJulia · 12/12/2023 09:11

@FlowerBarrow 'School-going fair skinned kids with impetigo/cold sore and who haven’t brushed their hair, and you want to call ss? How very judgy of you. Literally on what basis would you be doing this?'

Drug taking and frequent angry yelling by the only caregiver.

ThePoshUns · 12/12/2023 09:16

Minimising and making excuses is how children come to serious harm.
Trust your gut OP.
I work in child protection, unless already involved SSD will offer support to enable th children to live well with their Dad

notacooldad · 12/12/2023 09:17

why would OP report to the school? Schools are for teaching and learning, they are not a branch of the police or social services. Staff work flat out on teaching and learning. Why would you add to their workload by getting them to do something extra that you could do for yourself? Call SS yourself. It’s possible the school have already reported their concerns and your call will add to the picture enough to get SS to act
Are you joking?
Schools work closely with social services and the police. They attend child in need and child protection meetings, they are part of the action plan to help supprt the child and family.
There role is also to safeguard and support children As well as teach.
I'd be surprised if the school hasn't already flagged up concerns if things are that bad.

miniegg3 · 12/12/2023 09:24

notacooldad · 12/12/2023 09:17

why would OP report to the school? Schools are for teaching and learning, they are not a branch of the police or social services. Staff work flat out on teaching and learning. Why would you add to their workload by getting them to do something extra that you could do for yourself? Call SS yourself. It’s possible the school have already reported their concerns and your call will add to the picture enough to get SS to act
Are you joking?
Schools work closely with social services and the police. They attend child in need and child protection meetings, they are part of the action plan to help supprt the child and family.
There role is also to safeguard and support children As well as teach.
I'd be surprised if the school hasn't already flagged up concerns if things are that bad.

Every newsletter I get from school has a whole section on who to contact with any safeguarding issues, so they must have plenty to do with it

Misspotterscat · 12/12/2023 09:26

I work for children’s social care. Believe me, the very last thing social care want to do in remove children from their parents, and there are so many steps that have to be taken first even if that’s the end result (unless child is at risk of immediate serious harm obviously). Services will always try and support parents to parent successfully first as we understand that the best place for a child is usually within their family.

Sometimes there isn’t enough evidence from the school to suggest what support the family need and others phoning in concerns can help to build the bigger picture so that the right help is put in place.

I would urge you to call social care.