Should I report to social services

[Worriedforthemall]

My neighbour is a single dad to 2 young children and 1 has special needs. He seems pleasant but quiet when I speak to him occasionally in passing. Unfortunately I do hear him shouting at the children a lot and I also smell cannabis from the house, it seems smoking it inside also. I had a parcel to give to him yesterday and when I went to hand it in next door I got a glimpse into the house and it looked in an awful state. I noticed that the children look a bit unkempt- hair, etc ...and the older one recently has these awful cuts around his mouth. Both very pale kids and now I think about it, I don't see him taking them out much, except for school.

I don't want to cause any trouble for anyone, but I find myself worrying for them all.

Also it seems the major issue is his drug addiction. I doubt it will be taken seriously as it’s a class C drug and there’s no evidence to accuse him of using it

Because it seems that they don’t actually do anything other than monitor a family, and take children into care if they decide things are bad enough

Is that your personal experience or what you think happens?
I've stated on many different threads that I'm not a social worker but I work as part of the team and we have many families similar to this.
Social workers don't want to take children away because
1
There's hardly any places for them to go in a local authority
2
Private residential care costs an authority hundreds of pounds ( at least) each week per child that they can't afford.
3 it is generally a long process to get a child removed unless they are in immediate danger. The extend fa.ily is asked if they can offer support.
Social services do more than monitor, even if it is referring to other agencies that can offer services.

This is a tough one with you having to report because many of the things described could be innocently explained tbf ( we have 3 with additional needs each has sensory issues for example and things like teeth brushing getting dressed ect can result in 2 of them shouting ouch you're hurting me I don't like it ect) his house maybe a pig sty and he maybe at his wits end. But as always with these things it's best a full investigation takes place and hopefully he's just ring his best and needs some support and the appropriate services GIVE SUPPORT rather then added pressure

It’s what I’ve picked up from knowing someone who had their involvement and from online/ people talking about it

(I know they don’t often take kids into care. But they use that they can to threaten parents instead of helping them)

Exactly, coupled with animal faeces on the floor of young children.

Yes, to ease your conscience at least - to social care or the school. I'm a safeguarding lead in a school and we report a lot. It rarely leads to anyone losing their children (one in the last few years and it's a big school). Some get help, for many it's just one incident that's not repeated (as far as we know).

I'd imagine though that a lot of people smoke weed and live in a messy house. It may be a sign of abuse, poor mental health or inability to cope, but wouldn't lead to much on its own. The trouble is also that social services are struggling to keep up with the work they have.

But it is worth you reporting as you never know - maybe school haven't noticed anything. (We have had outsiders report things to our school by the way).

Low level concerns and early help are pushed back to schools to deal with these days. We have trainee social workers on placement and our DSL is an early help worker now.

Social services don't get involved until there's a real risk of harm - if the children are regularly going to school they are the best people to raise concerns with.

If you believe the child has been assaulted (which seems pretty clear) then you need to call the police.

Slightly unkempt at home, with a messy house and a bit of shouting doesn't suggest a major issue and I expect getting SS involved in a situation which might be tough on the dad is probably not going to make life easier for him. I'm not suggesting you don't do anything but if you want to help, pop round and offer to help. Take food, arrange playdates with your kids (if you have them), you can either go round under the disguise of making too much food etc or you can be (semi) honest and say that you just spent time with some friends with kids and it just dawned on you how full on it must be being a single dad and you wondered if you could help (and then give some practical suggestions that you wouldn't mind doing).

It’s what I’ve picked up from knowing someone who had their involvement and from online/ people talking about it
Ahh, so no direct experience then.
In that case you have no idea if life would be worse for them with ss involvement.
Let's face it, life doesn't sound particularly great for them at the moment but not bad enough for care proceedings to start. So the middle ground is support to be offered to get things on track and get positive outcomes for the children. That would be a good thing,wouldn't it?

@Katy123456 it's not down to the OP to help. It's down to professionals to assess what help is needed.
If he's not coping neighbours 'helping' is not sustainable.

Yes report it, directly or indirectly via any route you are most comfortable with. It's garbage that schools are only for teaching. Are adult nurses overworked? Hell yes, but they still have safeguarding children training as 'every contact counts'. There is no 'it's not my job, as I'm too busy'. It's not an acceptable excuse.

It would be. I just don’t see it happening. It looks to that the man has a drug problem, it’s causing him to be aggressive to his children and neglecting them and their home environment. There’s no proof that he’s using drugs and it won’t be addressed , he will clean the house before he lets them in and unless the kids are being hit the aggression isn’t at the level for intervention. I can see him just getting more stressed, the kids will suffer and that will be it to be honest.

I feel sorry for them though, I’d hate to have to live with a dopehead.

It would be. I just don’t see it happening. It looks to that the man has a drug problem, it’s causing him to be aggressive to his children and neglecting them and their home environment. There’s no proof that he’s using drugs and it won’t be addressed , he will clean the house before he lets them in and unless the kids are being hit the aggression isn’t at the level for intervention. I can see him just getting more stressed, the kids will suffer and that will be it to be honest
I see and understand what you are saying. However I'm dealing with children from families like this as my full time job.
You may well be surprised how people react. The cannabis use is an issue but it may not be the most important thing here to jump on. Once a family realises that,they tend to be more co operative and admit they are struggling and agree to go on CIN where services can help them.
Often the tidying ip can't be sustained by a parent for many reasons and a fsw can offer advice and guidance to help build posite routines.
Often anger is because the parent can't cope and if they are shown that there is a way forward without judgement or reprisals families are more likely to work with us. We have had some amazing success stories from initial hostile families.

@notacooldad what kind of support would he get ?

Urg I feel terrible. I rang NSCPP and they said it sounded significant enough for them to report it to the local children's services so they took the details. I'm so worried. I really don't want to be cause for more harm. I'd love the thought that they get some support if deemed appropriate. I really hope I haven't just made things worse. I get people smoke weed as a coping strategy, I just flagged that there was a lot of smoking it indoors. That again, in itself isn't bad and we all smoked inside not that long ago, I suppose it was just one thing I thought must not be nice for the kids as they never leave the house out of school hours. I am really worried for them and myself now, but I couldn't ignore the level of agreession heard recently.

You did the right thing, OP. In the circumstances, there really isn't any way to have avoided reporting, especially given what you heard last night. Thank you for caring

what kind of support would he get ?
It depends on what the local authority offer.

In my case we would perhaps offer family support to see how dad is coping on a day to day basis with parenting and offer parenting advice. This would look how dad would deal with routines and boundaries, how the children are disciplined etc. A family support worker could look at budgeting, making sure that the person is getting the relevant benefits and the children are up to date with health care needs such as dentist, opticians etc. Support can be quite intensive to begin with but then the worker would gradually back off, but still supporting so that a family doesn't become totally reliant on someone ' fixing' their problems

A social worker would do a graded care profile. This would look at what is going well for the family and look at what could be improved and how it can be improved and give timescales.
Positive activities for the family would be encouraged, ie spending good time together. Youth Suport maybe involved to offer targeted positive action cities for the children.

The school may be involved as part of the plan to offer say, breakfast clubs, homework clubs, have a dedicated teacher a child can relay on etc.
Drug support and counselling can be offered.

Support is offered on a case by case basis and tailored for the family rather than having a one size fits all approach.

You did the right thing OP, never nice hearing children being hurt/arguments/raised voices. Yes everyone shouts at their kids but it sounded a bit more than that, the weed smoking would be flagged up (it's drugs) so SS would most definitely look into it. He may be struggling, or he may be a complete c*nt abusing his children. Either way you've done something, I'd keep a diary of anything else you notice and follow up if need be.

Youth Suport maybe involved to offer targeted positive action cities for the children
Meant activities not cities!!!

Well done OP, you've done the right thing, I know it won't have been easy.

@notacooldad that might be helpful then . Maybe it depends on where you live

Just, noticed, that’s what you said