Should I report to social services

[Worriedforthemall]

My neighbour is a single dad to 2 young children and 1 has special needs. He seems pleasant but quiet when I speak to him occasionally in passing. Unfortunately I do hear him shouting at the children a lot and I also smell cannabis from the house, it seems smoking it inside also. I had a parcel to give to him yesterday and when I went to hand it in next door I got a glimpse into the house and it looked in an awful state. I noticed that the children look a bit unkempt- hair, etc ...and the older one recently has these awful cuts around his mouth. Both very pale kids and now I think about it, I don't see him taking them out much, except for school.

I don't want to cause any trouble for anyone, but I find myself worrying for them all.

I once reported a neighbour who was shouting abuse at her young child, around a year old. It was awful to hear, effing this and that. I don’t know the outcome because they don’t tell you but I heard that she was moved due to overcrowding because she was in a one bedroom flat. Hopefully having more space helped and I expect other support was put in place. I did feel awful doing it but the child couldn’t speak for itself.

@NightmareGirl·

@notacooldad that might be helpful then . Maybe it depends on where you live
Having social worker involvement is not necessary a bad thing. People struggle for many different reasons. Having a social worker is a gateway to other services that would otherwise no be acceisable without a referral.
It could be once support from other teams is in place the family won't see much of the sw except for routine meetings and to check that other agencies are keeping to the plan and doing what they should be doing.
Now that the op has reported to the Nspcc it will get the ball rolling.

Well done OP. You have absolutely done the right thing. Everyone has a Safeguarding duty and you have fulfilled yours.

No. That’s not enough. OP does not have full picture. She has a snapshot. In the interest of the children she must inform Children s Services, who should undertake an assessment to see if the children s needs are being met; and what support would help their dad to do that

The daily shouting alone would make me contact SS or childline. Sounds like the poor bloke is struggling with it all, hope he gets some support.

@notacooldad yeah I think it really matters what the personality of the social worker is like. The woman I know was just met with hostility when she really could have used support but wasn’t offered any

You did the right thing. If only everyone had this level of compassion. If your neighbour confronts you- deny everything

Thank you all and thanks @LivStanshall for sharing your experience. The guilt is awful but I can't live with that on my conscious. I've been a ball of anxiety with the what ifs but Ive been trying to listen and follow to my gut in other aspects of my life and a few posters reminded me of trusting this instinct. Someone professional can assess and deem whether the kids are okay or not and offer whatever they see fit. He's usually very quiet coming in and out from the school run so I'm hoping he's not the sort to be confrontational. I did mention on the phone that I was worried about any repercussions on my own family. But this could have come from the school I suppose.

Who is saying they would be placed elsewhere if they were reported?

Having worked in children's services -I can assure you that is the absolute last resort!!!

SS will want to support the family!

I'd also say to the OP that she can offer to support - I.e. acknowledge it must be difficult and advise she is available to support if this is practical for her.

You did the right thing, and it isn't easy. Please don't feel guilt - you should be proud. It's very difficult for children to have a voice of their own and hopefully your actions mean a professional will now listen to them.

@Elvanseshortage ex teacher here. Schools are absolutely the right place to call. All staff have a duty of care, safeguarding training and an entire safeguarding department.

@Hubblebubble an entire safeguarding department? I have never experienced this in any of the primary schools I know. Even a very large and well funded secondary school would not be able to reassure a neighbour who reported concerns, as they would not be allowed to mention anything they knew about a family.

School is the place to go. Teachers see children for six hours a day. As a teacher i am social worker, marriage guidance counsellor,
health advisor and so much more. Team around the child includes all those who see the child and want to protect them

@Elvanseshortage I was secondary, and it was the case at all the secondarys I worked with. It's also the law for each school to have a named safeguarding leader. The school won't be able to reassure the neighbour or pass on sensitive information, but that's not what this is about, it's about protecting children from neglect and abuse. The school will be able to log concerns, offer support to the family and pass on information to appropriate authorities.

I started supporting NSPCC after reading a terrible case of Daniel Polka who slowly starved to death while attending school full time (and sleeping on urine soaked mattress at home). There have been similar cases reported in the press and hundreds unreported (A few hundred children get killed in a domestic environment in the UK every year - as shocking it sounds - very few cases make it to newspapers). OP did a very brave and right thing

You must have missed this bit?

Unfortunately I do hear him shouting at the children a lot and I also smell cannabis from the house, it seems smoking it inside also.

As someone who has regularly visited in a professional capacity I do have a sense of smell. Someone can tell me that they don’t smoke in the house but the odour of cannabis is easily detected.

You've done the right thing Op.

This could have been written about my brother. I tried and tried to "help" him as others suggested and it just weighed me down, it was like fighting and uphill battle, I was relieved when an ex fling of his rung social service.

Don't try to take this on yourself it's too much

This reply!!!

But when did anyone ever say yep I was doing a crap job of looking after my kids, social services were right to get involved but I couldn’t improve my situation or change my behaviour so they quite rightly took my kids away…….

not saying they are always 100% right but social workers in this space rarely get a positive review. They do a bloody hard job under bloody hard conditions and the vast majority of them are trying their best.

Absolutely inform SS of your concerns. You may the only report (so probably no problem) or you could be one of many reports that helps SS build a wider picture.
for those who say it’s nothing to do with the school - of course it bloody is. They look out for child welfare too!

I won’t go into detail but a major issue the woman I know was having is she didn’t have the money to always get her child to school at the other end of town. They didn’t help threatened to take the kid off of her. Which they didn’t do and eventually closed the case, leaving the situation as they’d found it.

Having worked in SS (adults) am super reluctant to call them unless I 100% know they would be better off placed elsewhere.

Usually placement elsewhere is the very last resort. SS might be able to offer some support.

Like I said, this is the version that your friend has told you. People are unlikely to highlight their own flaws.

also perhaps don’t judge a whole profession based on one persons experience??

There is more to it, I won’t share it online as I don’t think it’s appropriate. But I saw the reports and it wasn’t to do with neglect or abuse. She did need support. They threaten foster care, when the money spent on that could be spent on helping families instead. I think social services work is like police in this respect: it attracts people with NPD.