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Original poster

Should I report to social services

108 replies

Worriedforthemall · 12/12/2023 07:53

My neighbour is a single dad to 2 young children and 1 has special needs. He seems pleasant but quiet when I speak to him occasionally in passing. Unfortunately I do hear him shouting at the children a lot and I also smell cannabis from the house, it seems smoking it inside also. I had a parcel to give to him yesterday and when I went to hand it in next door I got a glimpse into the house and it looked in an awful state. I noticed that the children look a bit unkempt- hair, etc ...and the older one recently has these awful cuts around his mouth. Both very pale kids and now I think about it, I don't see him taking them out much, except for school.

I don't want to cause any trouble for anyone, but I find myself worrying for them all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedforthemall · 12/12/2023 09:27

Thank you for all the replies. I genuinely do not want to cause them any harm and I don't want to judge the way people live their lives. I only mentioned special needs to give the context that I imagine it must be very challenging, as well as him being a single parent, I imagine the extra pressure this may put on them. The scruffy pale kids comment was an add on...my main worry, as mentioned in my OP was the shouting/ condition the house was in and the weed smell every night. The shouting is terrifying, aggressive and sends chills. The kids look around 3 and 5 ish. The older one was crying last night saying his dad hurt him, its loud enough to hear clearly through our walls. I get exasperation...I am a single parent to two young kids. I suppose the level of aggression heard and the frequency recently, along with the condition of the house ( animal faeces, empty food packets, clothes lying in between) is what has made me worry today that by not doing something, I'm not helping.

The outcome I'd hope for it that, if he isn't getting any support, that he gets it and any pressure is eased. I suppose my fear is that I'd come under any attack from him if he knew, or that the kids would get the brunt of anything further really.
Thank you for your advice.

OP posts:
KaitlynFairchild · 12/12/2023 09:38

Definitely contact social services and give them the full picture. The abusive shouting, potential physical abuse and the neglectful and dangerous home environment certainly warrant a call.

notacooldad · 12/12/2023 09:39

@Misspotterscat is absolutely right.
Sw don't and can't take kids away without very serious concerns of neglect, abuse etc and it is a final straw.( Unless something is so serious it warrants immediate removal )Before then support packages are put into place,monitoring of the families to make the right level of support is given and positive change is happening. If not, social services will look to the extended family to see if they can help.
When people refer to social services as kiddy snatchers and the like I don't know where these people think where the children are going to go. It costs a fortune to put a child into residential care and there aren't enough foster placements for kids that need them. Social services want families to stay together. It is cheaper to put packages of support in place and help families overcome their issues.

beautifullittletree · 12/12/2023 09:39

The older one was crying last night saying his dad hurt him,

That would be a call to the police from me

Notaboutthebass · 12/12/2023 09:42

Police now!!

femfemlicious · 12/12/2023 09:56

Worriedforthemall · 12/12/2023 09:27

Thank you for all the replies. I genuinely do not want to cause them any harm and I don't want to judge the way people live their lives. I only mentioned special needs to give the context that I imagine it must be very challenging, as well as him being a single parent, I imagine the extra pressure this may put on them. The scruffy pale kids comment was an add on...my main worry, as mentioned in my OP was the shouting/ condition the house was in and the weed smell every night. The shouting is terrifying, aggressive and sends chills. The kids look around 3 and 5 ish. The older one was crying last night saying his dad hurt him, its loud enough to hear clearly through our walls. I get exasperation...I am a single parent to two young kids. I suppose the level of aggression heard and the frequency recently, along with the condition of the house ( animal faeces, empty food packets, clothes lying in between) is what has made me worry today that by not doing something, I'm not helping.

The outcome I'd hope for it that, if he isn't getting any support, that he gets it and any pressure is eased. I suppose my fear is that I'd come under any attack from him if he knew, or that the kids would get the brunt of anything further really.
Thank you for your advice.

Please report. Animal feaces lying around with young children?😭😭😭

abouttobecomeagrandparent · 12/12/2023 10:06

As someone who works for children's social services please ring your local team and express your concerns. They may already be known to SS but if they're not they might be able to offer dad some support.

ThePoshUns · 12/12/2023 10:12

Your 2nd post is even more concerning OP.
Dad is clearly not coping and the children are being neglected.
Just report it, you can ask to remain anonymous.
Social services won't disclose who reported if they do visit.

Reugny · 12/12/2023 10:12

Just be aware if you call SS then you will likely be identified.

Anonymous reports are rarely that anonymous.

Though I was accused of calling SS on someone who I pointed out quite calmly that I couldn't hear her due to where her property was.

OpenLanes · 12/12/2023 10:18

Pop round one day this week when the kids are at school if you're free.
Say you have a free day and were wondering if he would like any help with getting things ready for Christmas or clearing up after the kids as you know it must be exhausting for him doing everything alone, especially at this time of year
Hopefully he accepts help, getting the house tidy should be a big step to a less chaotic environment

OpenLanes · 12/12/2023 10:21

Seeing your update, I wouldn't go in his house. Report or contact their school.

ChateauDuMont · 12/12/2023 10:27

Elvanseshortage · 12/12/2023 08:33

@ChateauDuMont why would OP report to the school? Schools are for teaching and learning, they are not a branch of the police or social services. Staff work flat out on teaching and learning. Why would you add to their workload by getting them to do something extra that you could do for yourself? Call SS yourself. It’s possible the school have already reported their concerns and your call will add to the picture enough to get SS to act.

The school may have a clearer picture of what's going on with the family and can alleviate the op's fears.

Schools can make recommendations to social services which the op may feel reluctant to do.

Quitelikeit · 12/12/2023 10:40

Oh god that is heartbreaking reading your last post.

What you could have done and I would urge you to do if you hear that screaming, shouting and crying again with mentions of ‘hurting’

is call the non emergency police number describe what you have heard and the police will carry out a safe and well check. try to even record the commotion next time if you can. The police won’t say who it was and on the call you can say you want to remain anonymous

Likely the police will tell the man it was a concerned member of the public (if he even asks)

But for now report your concerns and you can do it anonymously to SS too

He won’t know it’s you

And imo you are an absolute star for reporting so please do it soon!

Elvanseshortage · 12/12/2023 10:46

@ChateauDuMont the school would not be able to alleviate the OPs fear because they would not be able to comment at all on the family to a third person for reasons of confidentiality. OP can report directly and anonymously to SS herself. Teachers are incredibly over burdened without people giving them extra work to do.

Original poster
Worriedforthemall · 12/12/2023 12:06

I finish work soon and will report. It was only yesterday I caught a glimpse of inside of the house and hearing the potential physical harm last night, I think its necessary now. Thank you all for the support and letting me sound this out. Debating whether to ring NSPCC and asking them to report it anonymously or children's services directly and asking the same.

OP posts:
FlowerBarrow · 12/12/2023 12:16

Hi OP, after reading your later post I’ve changed my mind and I think you are right to take it further

NightmareGirl · 12/12/2023 12:24

If you report this to social services they will not do anything other than put stress on the family, if they do anything at all. He shouldn’t be smoking cannabis around his kids but a lot of people do it. He probably doesn’t know it’s wrong/ that they’re inhaling it if he’s in another room. The shouting, I would worry only if I heard them getting hit. The cuts around the mouth is worrying. You could ask him what it is because it could be due to malnutrition

Original poster
Worriedforthemall · 12/12/2023 12:26

@FlowerBarrow Yeah sorry FlowerBarrow, I should have put more detail in to my first post about what the condition of the house was. I can appreciate 'house cleanliness' is subjective and could mean different things, but i should of said exactly what i saw. I was in a rush getting the kids ready for school but was up through the night worrying after hearing the commotion, I was in a flap writing the OP. Calling someone now to report.

OP posts:
TheMiddleLight · 12/12/2023 12:43

NightmareGirl · 12/12/2023 12:24

If you report this to social services they will not do anything other than put stress on the family, if they do anything at all. He shouldn’t be smoking cannabis around his kids but a lot of people do it. He probably doesn’t know it’s wrong/ that they’re inhaling it if he’s in another room. The shouting, I would worry only if I heard them getting hit. The cuts around the mouth is worrying. You could ask him what it is because it could be due to malnutrition

Your first sentence suggests not to call ss but the rest of your post indicates exactly why ss for support, at the very least, is needed.

They may not do anything to help or they may do something. It's a chance she should take for the wellbeing of the children.

NightmareGirl · 12/12/2023 12:45

TheMiddleLight · 12/12/2023 12:43

Your first sentence suggests not to call ss but the rest of your post indicates exactly why ss for support, at the very least, is needed.

They may not do anything to help or they may do something. It's a chance she should take for the wellbeing of the children.

Edited
Show quote history

I think this man does need support, but that he won’t get it from social services unfortunately. There’s a good chance they will make life worse for him.

gotomomo · 12/12/2023 12:49

My instinct is to call the school, they may already be on the radar (which they cannot tell you) but it means that they aren't going to slip through the net.

Most likely it's just a disorganisation issue, I'm sure you would report me! (my kids are adults though) as from the front door the house is messy and my kids often looked scruffy I'm sure, dd hated me touching her hair. But better to be safe

Arrivederla · 12/12/2023 12:55

Just to add, I have worked in a school in pastoral care. Schools are absolutely overwhelmed with cases like this, and although staff do try to do their best it's inevitable that some cases will be missed (probably not quite so bad in primary schools tbf)

If anyone has concerns like this they would be best to call the local MASH (Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub), and they will coordinate care, hopefully bringing in support through Early Help if necessary. Even if your concerns are not considered serious enough for intervention, any info you give can help to build up a picture of what's happening which could help the family in the future.

rockingbird · 12/12/2023 12:57

NSPCC route is a good call, I've done this and they did act swiftly. My concerns were taken seriously and the baby removed. As adults our job is to protect children and if you believe there to be a situation where a child is being hurt / neglected however minor making that call and keeping a close eye from a distance is absolutely the right thing to do. How would you feel if a couple months down the line this situation is headline news and you did nothing 😞

notacooldad · 12/12/2023 12:57

I think this man does need support, but that he won’t get it from social services unfortunately. There’s a good chance they will make life worse for him.
Why won't he get help from SS?
In the Borough that I work he definitely would as it appears there is a safeguarding concerns.
There maybe a multi agency approach to get their lives back on track with possible support fro the school, including pastoral support, maybe breakfast club family support worker, parenting support, youth workers offering targeted youth work for the children drug awareness help.
He may be able to access some or all of these services depending on his need and what the LA offer.
Why is that making life worse?

NightmareGirl · 12/12/2023 13:00

notacooldad · 12/12/2023 12:57

I think this man does need support, but that he won’t get it from social services unfortunately. There’s a good chance they will make life worse for him.
Why won't he get help from SS?
In the Borough that I work he definitely would as it appears there is a safeguarding concerns.
There maybe a multi agency approach to get their lives back on track with possible support fro the school, including pastoral support, maybe breakfast club family support worker, parenting support, youth workers offering targeted youth work for the children drug awareness help.
He may be able to access some or all of these services depending on his need and what the LA offer.
Why is that making life worse?

Because it seems that they don’t actually do anything other than monitor a family, and take children into care if they decide things are bad enough.