Husband objecting to me cutting my hair short

[Lanky Lass]

My husband has been objecting to me wanting to try a pixie cut, saying that he won't find me so attractive if I do or that he'll grow a beard. I don't actually mind him growing a beard, it's him saying he'll do something just because he thinks I won't like it that bothers me. I feel upset by his comment but obviously he's entitled to his opinion. Feeling a bit confused and wondering is this controlling behaviour by him?

My dh prefers my hair long. I’ve had it a range of lengths including short but mostly mid length or longer. It is just a preference, albeit it is my hair. Otoh, I hate the feel of beards, some men do look attractive with them though. I fibromyalgia, chronic pain and have very sensitive skin btw. My dh tried to grow one. No way would I kiss him with one.

As for your hair, his reaction sounds a bit dramatic. Idk. It depends on what he’s like apart from this. Controlling in other ways? Do your thing. Not so? Think about what you’re hoping to achieve.

And why should they anyway? This is not just a site for women, said a million times over. Bit of a shit response tbh.

Even if I accepted that a change of hairstyle was such a terrible turn off for my partner that they would instantly stop fancying me just because of it.... the use of a beard as retaliation would make me very suspicious as to their true motivations.

It comes across a bit as: if I cannot fancy you then I'm going to make it so you also don't fancy me - so that we are well and truly ruined.

I find that very poor behaviour.

This is making a mountain out of a molehill. I find my partner very attractive. Sometimes I look at him and think wow. I also love him very very much. During lockdown, he had to shave his head rather than his normal fantastic professional haircut. Did I love him and still find him perfect for me? Yes. Did he look as good as he did before? No. I'm not saying he wasn't attractive but I found him less attractive. That's all OPs husband is saying.

I look less attractive with brown hair but I've still changed from my usual blonde several times during our relationship. Many people tell me I look much better blonde. DP never left and they didn't tell him to leave/love me less. It's just one of those things. I don't look as good. It doesn't matter. I also look less attractive on a Sunday with my hair scraped back, no make up and a face ravaged by the week.

Tough one.

It is fine to have personal preferences and we can’t help what we like.

On the other hand, it is my personal experience that there is a certain type of man who loudly announces that he could never be attracted to any woman with short hair.

They are best avoided.

Chop your hair off, ditch the arsehole and find a
man that’s attracted to you whatever your hair length.

Thats what I did.

I do think Mumsnet is a safe space aimed at women.
But you do you and crack on with fighting for men rights on here.

@Moonshine5 for some posts, yes but not one about a fucking haircut. I just think it's a pretty cunty thing to do on a thread to say someone's not welcome because you think they're a man. I'm not fighting for men's rights, just a bit of niceness.

Don't put words in my mouth.
Yes, you are 100% encouraging men's voices on Mumsnet that's your business but own your behaviour.

And attacking women with derogatory language .......

DH has grew his hair out where you can tie it in a ponytail - can't stand it. I have asked him to get it cut. It looks horrendous. He plays with it, ties it back etc. I just don't like it.

And yes I have had a pixie cut and he said that he didn't like it. I did end up growing my hair long due to maintenance of getting short hair cut.

That’s very noble of you, but in reality the overwhelming majority of relationships start with physical attraction - ie ‘fancying’ each other. You can still love each other and want to be with each other without ‘fancying; each other anymore. So no, it isn’t being shallow. It’s being honest.

A pixie cut is at the extreme end of normal haircuts so I can understand where your husband is coming from. Everyone has things they wouldn’t want to change about their partners. It’s not controlling, it’s normal.

How about if he turned up in a mini skirt, stockings and a bra?

And how would you interpret the behaviour of a man who has long hair and a beard and when asked to get rid of both he said he will get rid of one or the other, not both?

I can't stand both🤢

Are people obliged to still find their partner attractive if they have lost their hair through illness? If so, why? Does that mean they don’t love them anymore? Absolutely not!

Don't put words in your mouth? You told them to go to dad's net, so welcoming and then apologised and gave them a pass once you were told they were female- as if it is for you to police who uses the site. I think you need to own your behaviour. I'll just sit here and lol at you portraying me as a right wing men's activist who attacks women because you can't handle the word cunt.

I encourage everyone's voice on Mumsnet. Even yours.

Years ago my H had to shave his beard off to have a mask fitted for work and I couldn't bare to look at him. It was like he had been replaced by a clone. I never let on to him, but it gave me the heebie jeebies big time.

I love this how contradictory this app is, I've seen so many threads about a man growing a beard, the wife not liking it and everyone commenting saying make him shave it off, how dare he grow a beard when you don't like it but the other way round is an uproar😂🙂

I personally think you should do what you want to do op, he will come around x

I don't think it's controlling, threatening to grow a beard is hardly a serious threat

Wow, how shallow.

There’s nothing wrong with having an opinion - we all have them.
When you are in a serious relationship, i think it is important to take the opinion of your partner into account.

so I thought of Britney being a bit if an example here. Should someone who found britney with hair attractive still 100% feel the same for the bald version even though she essentially looks like a different person? @AgnesX that's shallow is it? hope the pic works.

You're being obtuse. There's a big difference between a pixie cut and shaving it off entirely.

All these men who don't fancy women with short hair are of course going to be absolutely fine about it when their wives stop fancying them when they go bald.