Lost my husband to conspiracy theories

[Helplessbeth]

I 30 f married my 40 m husband two years ago.
beginning on the pandemic he started to get into Qanon and other conspiracy theories ie like the earth is flat, Tom hanks is evil and the mainstream media lie to us all the time.

it's got to the point where he's now questioning about our children's school and also buying gold and silver so we have something to trade when the banks collapse.

now he's very aggressive towards me and shows me no respect when I don't listen to his videos or when I tell him to stop when he's telling our young pre school children the earth is flat or Jesus birthday is in April.

I know my husband is still in there as it comes out sometimes and I can have a proper conversation with him.
I'm just lost and don't know what's best as the more time goes on I can the old him fade away.
am I alone? Or is there others out there like me who's got to the point of no return?

I haven't once said I don't think the media don't lie.
im on about it effecting our life as a family.
he is against our children participating in the Christmas nativity (our children are born 5 years old)
we can not watch most films because it's supporting the elite, which isn't fair on my children when my little girl just wants to watch frozen.
its not so much conspiracy theories it's more how it's effecting our life to the point if I don't listen to his Alex Jones videos he broke my make up.

people can believe what they want to an extent where it's breaking families.

I work with one. If he was my husband, I would need a new patio!

This popped up in Memories:

Have a shitty Whitty Christmas
It's the worst time of the year
I don't know if there'll be snow
But stay within your tier
Have a shitty Whitty Christmas
And when you walk down the street
Make sure you keep six feet apart
From everyone you meet
Oh, no the mistletoe
Don’t kiss, don’t even ask
Somebody waits for you
Gelled up and in a mask
Have a shitty Whitty Christmas
And in case you didn't hear
Even Priti’s got a pretty shitty Whitty Christmas
This year!

I remember conspiracy theory people getting very upset with the person who originally shared it in 2020.

It is a problem when buying this gold and silver has got us quite abit in debt.
that's my issue.

The UK came off the gold standard in the 1920s I think?

I agree with @AmethystSparkles that mainstream media does a fair bit of spinning and is often biased in reporting. It is owned by very wealthy individuals and companies after all. But surely this is pretty well known by now? Something so blatant hardly requires a conspiracy.

My DM got into certain conspiracy theories and became very anti vax when she had mania. Are there signs of mental illness other than the conspiracy theories? They can go together. Does he have trouble sleeping? Talks more than before? Restless? It may be that he needs some medical intervention but getting him to seek that is another issue.

It sounds like it's not so much the conspiracy theories that are the problem, but his behaviour:

• trying to control you and the children from living normal life/doing age-appropriate things
• violent behaviour and aggression
• spending family money and getting you into debt
• failing at work
• unwillingness to listen or compromise

Take the conspiracy theories out of the equation. The way he's treating you and the kids is abusive. It will likely escalate if you stay.

Please leave. You and your kids deserve better.

My friends brother became like this, his wife was Very passive unfortunately. It was only when he said that he was selling the house handing the money to some group . So that he, His wife, two children could all go and live off the grid in some mountainous region with this group, Then there was an intervention by both sets of grandparents, SS and others.

It was a very distressing time. But his mental health was at the bottom of it all. They're fine now.

There was no domestic abuse to my knowledge.

He didn't break your make up because of the videos, he broke it to punish you and intimidate you for not doing what he says.

Agree with people saying to take the conspiracy theories out of the equation. You're still left with a bully. An aggressive, intimidating, property damaging bully.

Conspiracies don't make people bullies. He's just using these as an excuse be one and claim its 'for your own benefit'. Like the standard abuser who says you can't wear make up because other men will fancy you.

Run.

Op, you are me 8 years ago.

had been married for about 13 years with him for 15 and had 2 kids.

Started with conspiracy theories fairly mainstream ones. Then more odd ones. Then flat earth stuff and how the lizards really rule the world. He started prepping. Buying gold and silver. He became paranoid. At one point he was convinced I was smoking, really randomly and they claimed he found a receipt for cigs in my pocket. When I got it out it was for petrol. Then he was accusing me of cheating and going through my phone, sitting outside the car park where I work. He once Eve admitted to following a woman down the ring road for miles, who came out of work in a similar car. When I got home he broke down and told me how he pulled up at some lights jumped out of his car and ran up to her car, scaring her and it wasn’t even me. He went to counselling, it made him worse. He told her his pov about why he thought I was cheating. It made him more bold. Because he had told her a pack of lies that she bought and was advising him on how to get me to open up and be hinest about my deceitful behaviour, which was all his own lies. He was so convinced it was the truth, he would tell me what she said and when I pointed out it was a lie he had a look on his face like he momentarily woke up.

He became more and more aggressive. Got us in more and more debt. I tried and tried to help him until it nearly destroyed me. It ended with me taking the kids and fleeing in the middle of the night. We slept on a friends sofa for 9 months while I got the money together to house us. At the beginning of the pandemic the kids chose not to see him anymore. The last time they saw him he was talking about going out looking for 5g towers to burn down.

He has tried to take loans out in our dds name (now an adult).

After I left, more debt was discovered and it took me until 2021 to pay the debt off. But my career took off. The kids, after therapy, are happy. Dd is at uni, ds is doing well in school. We haven’t seen their dad or heard from him for a while. His Dad keeps in touch with my Dad and is heart broken over what’s gone on.

i am not the same person i was. I have had a long term relationship. But emotionally, I don’t think I will ever be able have a proper relationship again. I can’t open up. I can’t trust anyone or depend on them. I think I am a bit broken. I still miss the man I married. He doesn’t exist anymore. That man. The man he was, amazing. And he isn’t there.

i wish I had left before I nearly killed myself trying to get him back.

Talk to a family lawyer (euphemism for divorce lawyer) about unreasonable behaviour. Of course, the outcome will depend on your jurisdiction.

Can you speak to his GP? He sounds mentally unwell. But you need to get out for the violence alone. Do not tell him what you are planning as he sounds quite far gone
good Luck x

@Helplessbeth you really dint need to convince us he is a huge orib,em or creating huge problems.
It’s not all in your head.
Its not you over reacting.

the reality is that you are walking in eggshell.
The reality is that he is violent and abusive, up to the point if punishing you (by breaking your make up)
The reality is that his ideas have a real negative effect on you and your dcs - from not allowing the dcs to do what are pretty normal stuff children do to loose money aka your financial security + some if his wages (from the lack of work).

Dont look further than that.
I hope you are getting RL support this weekend.
Then go and see a solicitor. Protect yourself and your dcs.
Youll be ok. I know just now, it’s crap and hard work. But you will be ok.

I saw that. Don't know who posted it, but it's one I've not heard of before.

What has MSM lied about ? People always say this but never seem to come up with actual examples of the lying ?

My brother is also completely and utterly in thrall to all this, to the point that he cannot talk about anything else. He’s not interested in me or my life at all. He doesn’t even want to see me. Every communication is posting videos or information about his conspiracy theories. I cannot engage with him anymore.

The current situation in Palestine is being misrepresented to say the least

JFK was not assassinated by LHO and after his death the Vietnam War was supported by his successor

The American government sent assassins to kill South and Central American leaders of state in the 70s to destabilize these nations and put in power rulers who would be more amenable to the US

The COVID situation with the govt throwing parties while people died alone in nursing homes and women gave birth and lost babies on their own

Weapons of mass destruction which led to the war turned out to have been made up...

That's just a few off the top of my head.

I'm not saying lizards rule the earth but I don't think the MSM / Ruling class are telling us 100% truth

Does your husband have paranoid thoughts ?

I’d be out of the marriage like a shot. It’s not healthy for you or your children. He sounds paranoid and verging on mentally ill.

https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/ Some fellow sufferers here who understand what you're going through. This is a HUGE problem in the USA. Really scary.

Personally I'd not be able to stay with someone who was that deep in conspiracy, even if they never talked about it. Particularly if they were aggressive. Really tough for you :-(

I really can’t get the flat earth one. Why would they lie ?

OP I hope the gold was bought on credit card so it's his debt rather than shared? In any event you need legal advice asap and separate your finances. And leave this abuser.

This is the issue. There are often grains of truth, but they are extrapolated by CT and become so distorted. Healthy scepticism is replaced by fanaticism. CT think we are being 'controlled' but can't see they are as controlled but at the other end of the spectrum.

OK I'm reporting my own post because this thread shouldn't be about arguing on conspiracy theories. Sorry OP.