My husband left me due to depression

[Cleigh996]

10 weeks ago I married my soul mate, 3 years together, 2 children and I’m pregnant. (My first son isn’t biologically my husbands). We had a beautiful wedding, beautiful honeymoon and had the best time. Fast forward to 2 weeks after we get back from our honeymoon (6 weeks ago). My husband texts me in the morning that he loves me, 2 hours later I get a message saying he can’t do this anymore, he is struggling and needs time to focus on himself and needs to be alone. He hasn’t returned since. He’s a lorry driver and has been staying at work. He comes home every now and then to see the kids, a few times a week and the weekends most weeks. We still speak every day, he tells me how badly he is struggling, some days he doesn’t want to be alive etc. when we first split he said he loves me, but a couple of weeks later he said he doesn’t know if he has fallen out of love with me and doesn’t know if he sees a future with me. He sends me messages and videos that explain how sorry he is, how he regrets leaving the way he did, sorry for hurting me etc. sent me a song that explained he feels paralysed, he feels completely numb. He’s told me he can’t feel any emotion towards anything at all, he’s numb and a shell of who he used to be. He was seeing the children but this week he hasn’t been able to face being around anyone. All he wants to do is be at work alone and is working every day that he possibly can and staying in the lorry as he says that’s where he feels safe as he can be alone and not around other people. He is on medication which he’s been on for 6 weeks but he only seems to have got worse. He is still talking to me every day, just about general stuff and the children. Every now and then it’s like he feels something because he says how he is sorry and regrets everything but within 20 minutes he’s back to blocking everything out and saying he’s fine. He is due to go back to the doctor next week for a medication check. Our relationship has always been beautiful, so in love and happy with eachother so this is so out of the blue that I can’t help but think it’s mental health related and he’s saying he feels nothing for me because he can’t feel any emotion at all at the moment as he’s numb to everything. Does anyone have any advice for me? I’m still here sticking around to support him even though I’m heart broken myself. I’m trying to be strong for him so I can help him to recovery.

@Pinkbonbon has nailed it again (having been, sadly, on the money throughout and taken a kicking for it) - Pink has beautifully expressed the outrage many of us are feeling on your behalf.

“Tell him to fuck off op. I know uts a hard thing to even think of doing but you really should. He's a cheeky cuntfucker cheat. Of course he doesn't want to to end it. He wants to yoyo between you like the selfish dickhead he is. Because it makes him feel billy big ballz important.

Don't let him.
Find your anger at the bastard.
2 months married, 2 months after promising to love you at the alter, he's fucking cheating!

That's not someone you can ever trust again. Do yourself a favour and tell him to sling his hook. You'll think yourself for it a year from now. Rather than kicking yourself for letting him play you off again some random women.”

This guy doesn’t do real - he only does fairytale with himself as some kind of Knight in Shining Armour. Things got properly real for you and he was off like a shot. This isn’t a mad moment after 20 years of loyalty and commitment - this is him 3 years in when you’re in the midst of building your little family and you’re pregnant when he should be at his most protective of you and your relationship. You can never trust him again. He’s not worth holding on to. Keep walking away. Get as much help as you can IRL. As PPs have flagged, you’re probably going to be deeply traumatised by this and therapy should help.

It is truly amazing that shagging two women at once would cause such overwhelming depression in so many men.

I'm amazed at his utter arrogance!

He walks out on his pregnant wife and children, stops parenting, stops being a husband, tells his wife he doesn't feel love for her anymore, but uses her as an emotional punchbag daily. Puts her through untold stress, whilst pregnant. All while hankering for another woman.

And then has the utter contempt for his wife, and arrogance, to be surprised that she might want to walk away. He honestly thought that he could juggle 2 women, and take his time deciding which one he wants to keep, and they should sit quietly and desperately hoping he'll pick them.

Why would you want to be with a man who isn't sure if he wants to be with you, his pregnant wife, or the new woman he's met?

Surely he no longer has that choice? Walk away. You deserve better.

Can you persuade him to let you go to his GP with him for his medication review. It sounds like this change of behaviour coincided with starting this new medication. There are several different type of drugs that can be used for depression. Maybe he'd be better on a different type of drug.

I think his behaviour coincided perfectly with him sticking his dick in another woman.

Just a side thought too but he says he's only known this woman a short amount of time (which obviously no one believes) but he 'doesn't know whether to choose you or her' ...his wife-or someone he's apparently only known 5 minutes!

My jaw would have hit the floor!

Like, how much does he actually want to insult you!?!

If you let him play this game and come back, you'll spend your whole life playing the pick me dance. There always be a hint, a niggle that there could be someone else still in the scene.

Probably hints he himself will drop to keep you feeling insecure.

And that's best case scenario. Worst case scenario he will constantly cheat too. And you'll spend your life worrying he's going to leave you for the latest.

Your kids deserve a happy mother. And a role model who says no to being treated shaudily by partners. There are worse things than divorce. Living in a home where mum is broken and dad is a gaslighting jerk to her does far more damage and is a far more miserable life.

Choose you.

Maybe he'd be better if he stopped fucking another woman? Just a crazy idea I had.

@Pinkbonbon - absolutely. Mad, isn’t it, how disgusting this man’s behaviour is!? There appears to be no end to his arrogance and lack of decency. I have rarely felt quite so furious on a poster’s behalf, or invested. @Cleigh996 - I hope you’re getting good support IRL.

Really just awful.

If I had to guess I'd say he waited till you were married op, to drop the cheating bombshell because he thought you'd be less inclined to leave. He thought he'd be able to string you along for a long time with the 'I don't know what I want, boohoo poor me I'm so confused' crap because of the sunken loss fallacy. Either that or as pp suggested, she's found out about the wedding and threatened to tell you.

Don't spend your life throwing good after bad. Yes the marriage was a mistake but please try to fix the mistake (by getting a bulldog lawyer and divorcing), not the marriage. Because he's fucked it, completely.

Hi I know this was 2 years ago but I'm going through this with my husband. I'm really worried about him, he's moved out and living in a caravan. I believe it's the anti depressants that have made him worse, it's called emotional blunting, and they can make people fall out of love with their spouse. There's a group in Facebook called marriages destroyed by Ssris