Will he break no contact with her?

[AnotherNameChange8]

Been with my partner for 4 years.
Relationship isn't all that great he's always cheated etc.
Except this time he would have what I'd class as an affair.
He met someone through his work and was seeing her daily.
Telling her he loved her, they had made plans to have a baby together in time, sleep unprotected etc. and run away together with her kids.
I know I shouldn't blame her as she didn't know anything about me.

But I hate her. And I can't hate him

It was going on for 6 months. I've had to listen to voice recordings of them having sex, seeing all their loving messagaes to one another and it just breaks me.

I made him change his job route so he doesn't see her anymore and made him change his number and email address as they'd even email each other. But I just feel like he will go back to her at some point as they was both heavily invested in to it.

He met her kids and family and the only reason he's gone no contact now and cut her off is because I found out.

She's now moved close to his new route and is bound to bump into him again at some point.
We are getting on ok and working through things we're engaged etc but I can't help but feel he will end up doing it again with her.

Just need to ask has anyone else experienced this? And they've gone back to the other woman. Even if it was just emotional or talking?

His need to control is being met by being with you, that's why he isn't stalking her at atm. Please call womens aid. You deserve so much better than this

I'm.sorry but he's proven he's a lying piece of filth who will cheat on you over and over again. You really need to gather what he's left of your dignity and self esteem and end this relationship. How many more times does he have to degrade and humiliate you before you boot him out of your life.

Tell them your history, your mental health. They are experienced in supporting women with complex needs such as yourself and can be a listening non judgemental ear, which is what you need right now.

He keeps tabs on me not her. I think that says a lot. I know I need to get out.

That is an extremely worrying line. I don't believe your last sentence because every other point you have written is about keeping him.

You have normalised abuse. It's part of the day to day. Clothing, keeping tabs, calling the police, him cheating on you numerous times now a full on affair. And the affair partner has changed to suit his abusive ways too with clothing.

I bet your family and friends are so incredibly worried about you.

I was once in a position where I not only accepted the abuse I was inflicted with but changed my life to accommodate his insane ways. Then I started talking and when I did I couldn't believe how many people I knew had been abused. My university lecturer was in an incredibly abusive relationship- so it's definitely not restricted to any type of woman.

Please make steps to leave. This isn't a life of happiness, he isn't enriching your life. Life without him might be scary but it will be a lot safer and authentically you.

You lost your DC's probably because you chose an abusive man over them. Shows your desperation for the love from a man.
It's not love you're ever going to get though, you'll get a man who keeps you on the back-burner, just because you are willing to let them do whatever they like.
You are also just a place for him to stay, he can be with any woman and you'll just give him a roof.
Don't have any more DC's because you just don't have the maternal instinct it takes. DC's come before any man, but because you are messed up, you can't see that. Its sad all round really. By behaving the way you do, you'll never get what you want - which is a man who loves and respects you. You really sound like a lost cause I'm afraid. Therapy, only hope, the rest is drama and noise.

@Bobtheamazinggingerdog

I wasn't trying to make the op feel anything.

This must be what happened.

With the greatest respect, I don’t think you need advice from a bunch of randoms on the net. You need mental health support and Women's Aid. This situation is beyond fucked up.

He comes back to you because you let him walk all over you! He knows no matter what he does you will never leave.

If he had even a tiny amount of love or respect for you he wouldn’t cheat would he?!

I wouldn’t waste your time worrying about the other woman, if he doesn’t go back to her he’ll be fucking someone else in a week or two anyway. This is the life you’re choosing.

OP, this man is, by your own admission, violent, abusive and a stalker. He has cheated throughout your relationship, and is currently in an ongoing relationship with someone else.You don't have children with him, you can leave. You don't have to put up with this.
Get yourself some counselling to help you find the inner strength to finish this.

Oh OP I could have written this post a few years back. I was 30 he was 33 and the woman in question was nearing 70! I clung on desperately as I had no one else. In the end one day I just had enough and said I'm not doing it anymore. Kicked him out and never looked back.

In answer to your question, yes he will break no contact but will go out his way to cover it up. He will be more careful and delete all messages, he will also have her lying for him so don't think you can rely on her for any confirmation that it's over. He could even get a backup secret phone like my ex did.

Don't blame her, he will be lovebombing her and feeding her lies and has probably portrayed you as a psycho who is unstable and he can't leave because of that.

You will end up a shell of a person searching his phone in the dead of night for any shred of evidence. You will check when he and she was last active online when you're not together. Your whole day will be you trying to work out if they are still in touch.

From experience OP do not do this, you may think some responses have been harsh but you need a harsh wake-up call. You are his doormat. He will carry on doing as he pleases as he knows you have such little self worth you will allow it.

Everyone has a breaking point and I know when I hit mine there was no going back despite me clinging to him and begging for years. I really did think he was my world. Like you he was my first relationship after a violent one, and like you he was only physically abusive a handful of times so I told myself it wasn't that bad. I hung on for 13 years.

Do not be like me OP. Don't waste years on someone who is using you for convenience whilst he searches for something else. Because he will leave you one day. Take back your power and go no contact, grey rock. I really do wish you the best as I so recognise myself back then in your post's. I was so desperate for him to change, because the alternative was so scary. You deserve more and I hope you find the strength to push through and get rid

Your poor children

You need to learn how to be on your own. Clearly you have a pattern in the men you choose, one ended up in the loss of your children, and this one you've had arrested for DV and has cheated on you consistently.
And you've been pregnant. Ffs. Use contraception, if you have a baby with another abusive man, you'll lose that child too. You aren't exactly setting a good example or creating a stable environment to see the children you've lost by openly admitting to desperately clinging onto someone you got arrested for violence.
All you've talked about is how desperate you are for him to not go back to her - have you thought once about how your children feel seeing you choose violent men, again and again?
You need help, and a lots of it. Stop putting all your worth in the hands of a man, focus on your children who deserve better, and for the love of god - don't get pregnant.

Of course he chose you. He knows no other woman with any self-respect will put up with his shit. He knows by choosing you he gets to have you and any other woman he fancies because you won't do shit about it. It's a game of numbers. If he got with someone else, he would be expected to be faithful. But by staying with you, he gets to fuck around and future-fake with as many women as he fancies.

A shit man really isn't better than no man.

I we are meant to go 'you poor thing little petal everything is against you you are perfect' but seriously wake up and for once put your children first and stop thing attention seeking can't live with out a man

You are being treated like a doormat because you are acting like one

You chose this

I haven’t read the whole thread, just all of the OP’s posts. You need to get some self respect and end it. Sounds like you’ve gone from one bad relationship into another. You need to be objective here, for your own safety and sanity, and stop making the same mistakes.

He clearly wants her as much or more than he wants you. That’s not her fault, it’s his. It’s not your fault, it’s his. You can do better. Being single is better. Trying to control him is not the answer. Why would you want to be with someone who treats you with such disrespect and makes you so miserable?

Please please please don't have anymore children.
I don't think your mind is at its best right now.
OP he really doesn't love you. He wants to be with this woman (whom we will also cheat on)
He feels obliged to you... or you do something for him, keep a roof over his head?
Think straight, seriously!
Being alone is far less of a head fuck than this.
Try and get your life straight and you might get to see your kids more.
You owe it to yourself but mostly to your children. Make the RIGHT choice

This man is not ‘choosing’ you. It’s absolutely terrifying that your self worth is so on the floor that you’re misreading his selfish and entitled choice to stay with you as ‘love’.

It’s very easy when coming onto threads like this for other posters to say he loves her or wants her more (thinking the shock factor will work) when in your mind he doesn’t because he stayed. It’s actions over words right. It’s reinforcing your confirmation bias of ‘no he doesn’t, he loves me because he stayed’

The truth is he doesn’t love anyone. He is utterly incapable of respecting the personal agency and right to informed sexual consent of another person. I’d argue he’s on the cluster b personality, possibly narcisstic most certainly abusive. This latest other woman could be anyone broken enough to have a fling with this guy, she’s not special, he’ll replace her, (he likes to triangulate you). But sadly to him neither are you special. You’re just more broken and more easily manipulated.

You’ve been attacked on here for being a poor mother, this is the first thread I’ve ever seen where the OP has ignored those comments and just carried on focusing entirely on her own ‘he loves me right, really?!?!’ responses. Your worth is so tied to this man that you have no worth tied to the mothering of your children to even be bothered to fight back against those comments. It’s so utterly sad.

You need specialised help. Call woman’s aid, get into the freedom programme. We can’t help you here.

Ah OP, you have picked sn absolute scumbag and my worst enemy deserves better than you are getting. You have come from a bad relationship to a worse one. Someone who you have reported for abuse and a serial cheat. The other women is irrelevant as he will cheat again. Being on your own will be 1000 times easier than with this cretin

You are now his big on the side. Raise the bar

Get yourself checked for STIs. Goodness knows how many women he's sleeping with.

Oh I see. So you lost your children due to a domestically violent relationship, then, rather than fight tooth and nail to get the kids back, you put another domestically violent man first?

He’s abusive.
You’ve had him arrested multiple times for it.
Your children were taken away from you and left with your former abusive partner.
He has cheated on you with fuck knows how many women.
He loves her. He wants to play house and families with her. He wants to leave you for her.
Your self esteem is through the fucking floor.
Your last relationship was abusive.
You’ve been pregnant multiple times and lost every one. (You need contraception)
He is sleeping with another woman, wants to be with her and still sleeps with other women unprotected. (You need an STD test pronto)

This is just the tip of the fucking iceberg and you are still utterly desperate for this man to stay.

He’s an incredibly substandard man. Like, gutter dwelling shit. None of us here would touch him with a fucking bargepole (a taser, perhaps). He is no prize.

Please, for the love of fuck, get some therapy and tell this man to fuck off and die.

I doubt the kids ever got a look in tbh.

I've been estranged from my bio-mother for years now. She always prioritised her sexlove-life over my security & well-being.

Im afraid I don't have much sympathy for OP.

I love him. I was in abusive relationship before which resulted in me losing my children

You put a man above your children? And now you're in another abusive relationship? You don't know what love is.

You really need to be single and work out why you keep ending up with horrific men.