Will he break no contact with her?

[AnotherNameChange8]

Been with my partner for 4 years.
Relationship isn't all that great he's always cheated etc.
Except this time he would have what I'd class as an affair.
He met someone through his work and was seeing her daily.
Telling her he loved her, they had made plans to have a baby together in time, sleep unprotected etc. and run away together with her kids.
I know I shouldn't blame her as she didn't know anything about me.

But I hate her. And I can't hate him

It was going on for 6 months. I've had to listen to voice recordings of them having sex, seeing all their loving messagaes to one another and it just breaks me.

I made him change his job route so he doesn't see her anymore and made him change his number and email address as they'd even email each other. But I just feel like he will go back to her at some point as they was both heavily invested in to it.

He met her kids and family and the only reason he's gone no contact now and cut her off is because I found out.

She's now moved close to his new route and is bound to bump into him again at some point.
We are getting on ok and working through things we're engaged etc but I can't help but feel he will end up doing it again with her.

Just need to ask has anyone else experienced this? And they've gone back to the other woman. Even if it was just emotional or talking?

You are in an open relationship. One that you are choosing to stay in whilst saying you don’t want it. He cheats, you know and it impacts nothing from his point of view.

She might be less likely to accept his other relationships. So he stays because you will. You may not want an open relationship. But that’s what you have. You knows he sleeps with other women and you k word p going along with it.

You are choosing this everyday. Choose differently. He has been arrested for abusing you? Get rid of him.

I just want him to change. He seems to be trying this time. When it all came out he had messaged her and said "I'm sorry I didn't want to hurt you I need to stay with her because I feel bad, if you don't tell her anything we will be together by Christmas. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I'll still see you all the time when I can we just have to be careful not to be seen. I can't just walk out and leave atm. As it's not fair on your children for me to just move in and I have no where to go. Plus I do have love for (me)" and she said to him no chance is she being another woman.

But I just don't get it. If she was so important to him why is he staying away. I'm starting to think it's only because he's worried she will tell me as she knows who I am now. But she has blocked me off all her social media.

Jesus. Grow a fucking spine

Yes I agree with this with kindness. Your self esteem is at rock bottom no one deserves to be in a relationship with a serial philanderer like him. Don't treat him like he's the prize to win he's not.
You can love him from afar. Please focus on loving yourself more 💕💕💕

You need a good therapist to work out why you're willing to put up with this. He's horrible and he won't change. He hasn't "chosen" you. You're a convenience who takes care of him when he's not banging someone else. That's not love. Please get help.

@AnotherNameChange8 have some respect for yourself please!!! what are you thinking of when it is clear he doesnt love you! your relationship is not going to last and he is most likely already back in contact with her! get rid of him and throw him out!

Why are you more concerned about this useless loser than about bettering yourself and being something to your existing children?

Call women's aid as soon as possible.

Why on earth do you think this time is going to be any different. He's a lying cheating idiot who knows he can keep coming back to you. Work on your self esteem and kick the t**t out!

He's "picked" you because he likes having a victim he can control and abuse.

I really hope this isn't real!!!

He's not going to change and this will be your life forever unless you break up with him and get some therapy. It's very sad to read.

Why did you lose your children?

Presumably you chose a man over their safety?

That's a harsh question and one that I'm sure the OP has reflected on many times. It's also not really our business. The OP knows she's being abused. The fact that she's so vulnerable to abusers to the extent she's lost her children means she's barely making an informed choice at this point. Asking questions like that might be designed to be 'shock tactics' but it's not going to work!

You want him to change.
But he won't.
He has done this before.
He will do it again.
He is abusive and controlling.
Being alone is not worse than being with him.

You’re in another abusive relationship but clinging on because it’s not as bad as the last and you’re afraid of being alone. You’ve already made it clear to this man though that you’ll tolerate him being unfaithful and abusive so he really does have no motivation for behaving in any way, as he knows there will be no or minimal consequences. Read the books overcoming low self esteem, women who love too much and attached. Ask your doctor to sign you up for therapy. Do the freedom programme online. Hopefully with time you’ll find the courage to leave.

This relationship is an absolute train crash and is going nowhere. Up to you if you want more of the same as it doesn't look like he is going to change any time soon.

You were in an abusive relationship which resulted in you losing your children?
You don't lose your children unless you put your abusive partner above the welfare of your DC.
Is this a pattern, you meet a bloke & nothing else matters, not your DC, not your self respect or your peace of mind?
You're hanging on for grim death to nothing, you don't have a relationship.
Despite all the good advice on this thread you're ignoring it, why?
I'll tell you why, because you're a lost cause.
This will be the pattern of your life unless you give your head a serious shake.
Dump this fucker and repair your relationship with your dc

You seriously need help to move on from this abusive controlling twat.
Please don't carry on like this - you are only hurting yourself.

Forget this loser and focus on getting your children back.

It's easy to judge from the outside and absolutely impossible for most people to fathom how a mother could have her children taken from her and yet be expending all this angst and emotional labour over some dickhead boyfriend. Presumably there's a lot of trauma and/mental illness behind your behavior and choices. The best thing you could do for yourself and your children is to seek immediate support from an organisation like Women's Aid. Your existing children will have been profoundly impacted by their removal from your care and the way that you appear to prioritise dysfunctional sexual relationships over them. You have to make a choice about how you want to live and what truly matters to you. Is it inappropriate and toxic relationships or is it your kids? You can seek help and make changes but you have to make that choice.

@AnotherNameChange8 I'm so sorry you're in this awful and sad situation. I think you know that your partner is not the person for you. It sounds like it would be best to leave this man who loves someone else. Maybe some time alone and therapy to boost your self-esteem could help? I wish you the very best.

Oh sweetheart

please work in your low self esteem and stay clear of horrible men like him

anything anything is better that this misery

it’s so easy to say (and I only started to get my self worth back aged 50 )

Im telling you now that some shit will have gone down on your life and you (like many humans ) will have decided you are lessor

people are saying ‘get therapy ‘ because it will work eventually x

It doesn't even sound as though you're actually in a relationship.

Please seek out some therapy. You can't live your life like this.

We do do nice things together. We go on breaks away etc it's just the other stuff. I have a good relationship with the kids there all teens now and see me all the time. We take them on breaks etc.

The OP isn't exactly covered in glory here. Losing children due to an abusive relationship...but she lost the children.

You're not going to listen. Accept you're in an open relationship.

You're being taken for a mug. Wise up.