Slow fade after meeting my DC. So upset.

[Sameshitdifferentdayagain]

This is a bit of a pathetic post but I really need to get it all out.

Been seeing a man for six months (fellow single parent of young DC) I've basically been on my own for 3.5 years since ex husband upped and left.

All was going well and I was actually entertaining thoughts that I might miraculously met someone decent. He seemed really keen on me and it was so nice to not feel alone after the last awful few years.

I recently met his (utterly adorable) little DC twice. We then arranged a play date day for all DC together. It was such a lovely day and I felt so happy after. It was his suggestion to arrange it. Not mine.

Now despite all that he's doing a not very subtle slow fade on me. Too busy to get together (he is a wealthy guy and a hard working businessman, but nobody is that busy) I've not heard from him in a week either whereas before he was in touch all the time. I know I've been dropped and God it hurts :( I gave him a chance despite how guarded I normally am and now I just feel like a fool. It's knocking my MH and life is a struggle for me as it is. He's clearly enjoyed playing with the plebs before going back to his much better life.

Why do some men have to be so unkind? It just don't get how they can treat people like we're so disposable.

I find the idea of following some unwritten rule that if someone you're dating is trying to fade you/ghost you, you should delete them and not contact. To me that is doing exactly what they want and perpetuating the idea that you should feel humiliated and slink off without a word, somehow reading their minds?
I would just message and say are we calling this quits? Let's be open and act like the adults we are.

This is what I’d do. I’d message him and tell him you’ve noticed that he doesn’t seem to be interested in getting together as much anymore and that you have the distinct impression that he doesn’t want to go further. Tell him, therefore, you’re calling time on the relationship as you’re obviously not interested in someone who isn’t that into you. Waste of your time. Wish him the best.
It’s taking control over a situation that’s making you feel shitty and low. He obviously doesn’t have the spine to tell you-and that’s a pretty hurtful thing to do. If for any reason, his lack of availability is genuine, he’ll be horrified and will want to make it right. If on the other hand, he’s giving you the fade, the fucker will have met someone who won’t put up with this shit and will put him in his place and throw him back.

why ask the obvious? That’s the very definition of not taking the hint. To the extent of cringe. It’s like I know you’ve been ignoring me for a week, but I’m so desperate I’m hanging on in there and need you to actually spell it out.

its shit and it’s humiliating, but she doesn’t need to go chasing for the kick/

I'm so sorry op this is horrible and must feel really painful right now.... I'd just ask him out right what have you got to loose

Agree.

I'd only block if someone was being abusive etc.

Otherwise, just find out where you stand.

"Are we calling this quits?"

"I suppose we are"

"No problem. Thanks for all the fish"

And that's it.

(Easy to say, I know when you aren't emotionally involved, but at least you know where you stand.)

I must have missed it.

How long ago did all of the DCs meet?
I still can’t see it.

Equally he is an adult who could say

1. this has happened I’m going to step back etc
2. the children didn’t like it
3. i felt overwhelmed

she has asked if all is ok - he’s fobbed her off. She was an adult he’s being a dick …. Don’t ask any more

6 months isn’t long

I married my ex after 12 months the facade dropped and tellingly he said I’m exhausted playing it right
and by heck did he show me his normal

they want you hooked

he has shown you now the real him /

and never ever ask a man why he is with you when he could be with someone richer / prettier/ fitter etc ffs the goddamn man would be lucky to have YOU! He should be thinking that not you

He could be genuinely busy, my husband has his own business when he was my boyfriend and we were long distance would often get completely lost in work for weeks if something went wrong (we were always on a skype call while he made calls and everything but still had very little quality time together). Sometimes he had to make calls all day, worst was up to 11h a day and then 3h of emails and sorting documents/filing things online, then after he'd be socially exhausted and was of very little social use.

You don't have much to lose if you had a lovely time, either you don't ask him directly and things fizzle out, or you can just straight up ask him "Are you having second thoughts about us or just busy? Things feel a bit off out of nowhere" and atleast then you know for sure. If he's genuinely busy that won't scare him off, if things are fizzling out then it will but it doesn't really matter at that point.

Either block and move on or tell him

I really don’t appreciate the lack of communication if you have stuff going on say or talk it through equally if you aren’t feeling it - let’s call it quits but I thought we met on a better level and with more maturity than that. I want a partner who is decent at communicating and resolving etc so I’m going to wish you all the best as I’m really happy on my own and I don’t see a future with any one who can’t communicate.

and then block and delete

Actually this is better

I think he’s done the stereotypical man thing of driving forward the relationship and the reality hitting and he’s realised he can’t be bothered for whatever reason. It’s happened to me plenty of times.

OP, I would leave it. I think you’ll only end up hurt if you engage with him.

Leave it and he’s likely pop up at some point. I’d ignore him. The silence will kill him.

How dare he treat you this way after 6 months. Zero respect.

you’ll meet someone much better!

I agree with this. . Don’t block just yet; he might actually be really busy. If you block you’ll never know x

@Sameshitdifferentdayagain

Do you think you got too involved with him?

Did you engage in sex?

Mostly we women feel closer to men who are getting closer to us and feel crap when they throw us in the loop of love bombing or ghosting.

This has happened to me few times.

I can feel your pain.

Double blue tick messages on WhatsApp and they don't reply.

He's already called time and thrown himself back. That's the point. He just hasn't had the decency to tell OP. The status quo won't have changed.

She can tell him off if it makes her feel better (maybe it will), but if she chooses to do that, she should probably focus on how he should have had the decency to tell her rather than how she's ending it and chucking him back when he's actually done those things already.

I agree. He is either busy, or your parenting styles are different.

You said his children were really likeable. Objectively do your children come across in the same way?

People often have a higher tolerance for their own children than other people do: ‘Friendly’ might be perceived as ‘precocious’, ‘energetic’ as wild’, ‘expressing an opinion over food/location etc.’ as ‘rude and ungrateful’.

We all have different boundaries for our families. If his were tighter, he might have thought perusing the relationship would compromise the standards his children were used to.

@RogersOrganismicProcess l like your name and your message here.

Much love.

I blushed seeing your name.

Sorry when you said when did you all meet, I didn’t realise you meant when did the children meet each other.

If all of a sudden its gone from 2/3 text messages a day too nothing....

then I would message

Good evening,

It would be great if we could communicate honestly, its gone from several messages a day to nothing at all for days. Whilst everyone has busy times, I think that is an excuse. I'd rather have a truthful conversation, however difficult it is than be treated to the slow fade I'm facing presently. I'm sure you are a man of integrity who can see yourself to behave well.

Op there is another option. That reason he was pushing everyone to get together was to keep the kids occupied. Take the pressure off him. It’s clear you read it as maybe something more.

that could have been it, he was basically looking for a play date, and maybe he thought you went in a bit more blended family than that.

Is he Hugh Grant?

Thank you please explain your name in PM to me if you can.

Just genuinely curious.

Thank you.

Stay blessed.

OP might come across that way to you but she doesn’t remotely to me!

Sorry, OP. I’ve been in your shoes — in a short relationship that really made me realise what I’d been missing out on, only for it all to come to an end as soon as I actually voiced that thought (to myself, I mean, not him!). You sound lovely though — very sane and sensible and caring and well adjusted so I hope you’re okay. Xx

I don't agree that 6 months is "way too soon" to introduce... to become stepdad, perhaps, but not introduce.... but anyway, that's for another thread.

No worries I thought I had missed it.

I’m just wondering if they all met a week ago and then he had a bereavement, which may explain his behaviour or if it was a couple of months ago and they haven’t met up since.

Then you're an unpleasant coward... If you want to end a relationship, the least you can do is tell them!