Slow fade after meeting my DC. So upset.

[Sameshitdifferentdayagain]

This is a bit of a pathetic post but I really need to get it all out.

Been seeing a man for six months (fellow single parent of young DC) I've basically been on my own for 3.5 years since ex husband upped and left.

All was going well and I was actually entertaining thoughts that I might miraculously met someone decent. He seemed really keen on me and it was so nice to not feel alone after the last awful few years.

I recently met his (utterly adorable) little DC twice. We then arranged a play date day for all DC together. It was such a lovely day and I felt so happy after. It was his suggestion to arrange it. Not mine.

Now despite all that he's doing a not very subtle slow fade on me. Too busy to get together (he is a wealthy guy and a hard working businessman, but nobody is that busy) I've not heard from him in a week either whereas before he was in touch all the time. I know I've been dropped and God it hurts :( I gave him a chance despite how guarded I normally am and now I just feel like a fool. It's knocking my MH and life is a struggle for me as it is. He's clearly enjoyed playing with the plebs before going back to his much better life.

Why do some men have to be so unkind? It just don't get how they can treat people like we're so disposable.

You’re totally right, we’re always looking for an explanation that doesn’t involve the obvious lol
maybe he’s gone to space 🤦‍♀️😂

Saying that, maybe he simply is just busy, you’d like to think at his age he wouldn’t bother ghosting and just say it how it is? Im not sure if anyone has mentioned it, but have you just asked him outright? You could just say so you know where you stand, and you don’t start being ‘irritating’?…for want of a better word!

My cousin also dated a very wealthy man (they're both in their 60s with grown kids) who also insisted on paying for everything on dates. But the overall scenario sounds very similar to yours. He pushed the relationship only to do a slow fade. Over and over and over.

She finally figured that being a 'very busy businessman' he really didn't have the time to devote 'long term' to a real relationship but wanted a gf 'waiting in the wings' for him. So once he felt she was 'hooked' he started putting the majority of his 'effort' back into his businesses rather than into their relationship, and he only called her to go out if he was otherwise bored or got lonely. Or he needed a 'date' for a function. But yet he was telling her how good they were together and how he wanted to marry her/move her in. She eventually got tired of him picking her up and putting her down like a child with a toy and she ended the relationship. He was shocked that she wouldn't be content to sit and wait until he 'had time for her'.

I know you're hurting. But honestly consider it a bullet dodged.

Did your children get on? Are yours more boisterous, unless he's been put off because his kids have said something then this isnt on. Just move on

@lilyandrosa Well I've actually been dating Jeff Bezos🤣🤣

My instinct is to just call him and find out what's going on. But then there's all the stuff about not chasing and keeping your dignity.

I suppose it doesn't matter either way if he's losr interest. Radio silence hurts just as much as phone call clarity.

I'm too old for this shit🤣

I dated a millionaire business man for a while, I am a single parent living in a council house, he had many houses and a plane…boat etc.., he kept telling me how he came from a council house background and didn’t care about my financial situation or the fact I didn’t own property, he didn’t care if my life style was different to his. Eventually I allowed him to come to my house and then we went out for dinner in my local pub, I realised how terribly boring and stuck up he was, I sat eating my dinner listening to him tell me about how he flew his plane to go and see his dd at uni, told me about his many cars and his holiday home in France (yawn). Luckily he vanished after that day, yes I felt upset, no one likes being rejected or ghosted, but realistically we had nothing in common and had totally different lives.

OP maybe he realised when you got the kids together how different your lives were? Even though the kids got on well he may have felt that they were very different due to their upbringing? He’s probably been talking a load of rubbish for 6 months, on his best behaviour and telling himself and you that money and his life style makes no difference? Sadly it often does make a difference. You have probably dodged a bullet, he obviously hasn’t got the decency to tell you it’s over and it’s awful that he’s left you wondering what you have done wrong but you haven’t done anything, he’s the idiot.

I would send him one last message saying your done with the silent treatment and wish him luck with his life, then block him.

The fact he’s well known means he may well end up knowing about this thread. Are you okay with that?

I actually think this is fine. You've been dating for 6 months, not 6 days.

If he's nice, a good father, generous and a millionaire who is happy to date a woman in her 40s with children, he will have a queue round the block OP.
Unfortunately that means he knows he can be very choosy and can hold out for pretty close to his idea of perfection. Where Joe Average might be prepared to overlook some minor issues, Mr Unicorn Tears will be safe in the knowledge he has plenty of options.
He should have told you, but if its something connected to the DC, maybe his didn't like yours for example, perhaps he doesn't want the awkward conversation and has taken the easy way.
For what it's worth, these very unequal relationships can be challenging to sustain, as if you're going to have any sort of shared life, you and your DC have to be subbed by him which creates an unequal power dynamic.

I'd try and separate some of your emotions from it OP. Ultimately although it sounds like he's perhaps not going about it in a thoughtful or considerate way - people are allowed to change their minds, or realise scenarios aren't for them. That isn't about you, it's just what it is.

It isn't about what you expected or how high your hopes were got, how difficult it's been for you to open up or meet someone, how much money he has and what he does or doesn't understand about how difficult your circumstances are - all those things absolutely are valid, for you in your life but if he doesn't want to pursue a more serious or long term relationship or engage with your DC then really that is all it boils down to. He's allowed to think that, you are allowed to be upset for all the reasons you are but I really can't see what good would come from letting rip at him because you feel disappointed and had hoped for more. I'd let him go to be honest, and focus on yourself - you don't need him to declare it's over for it to be and he isn't obliged to justify it even if it might be easier and more mature if he did, you don't need feedback on why it's not worked out to know that it hasn't - don't let someone else have that power over you.

Instead I would message him, just normally, saying that you've noticed that things appear to have changed between you and you feel that it isn't working or meeting your needs, wish him the best and block. Process your feelings, remember it's not the be all and end all. We date people and it happens, it doesn't mean you won't find someone else - the right person will be the one who doesn't ignore your messages for a start.

I agree it sounds like there was a difference in parenting and he’s wimping out of having a difficult conversation with you about it.

I do partially disagree that he’s got plenty of options though, if he’s looking for a long-term relationship (which it sounds like he is if he’s pushing for meeting the children). Very few women who don’t have children, don’t want them or have grown-up children will be up for living with 3yo twins 70% of the time.

Honestly fuck the dignity…what if it’s something completely reasonable and you’ve then thrown it away by just ignoring him back?

Nothing is ever simple these days, people have busy lives with children, he’s busy with work - if I was you i could never leave it and just walk away without knowing.

If you think what you’ve got could turn into something great for you and your kids then why not? I’m not saying hound him but if you send a message asking where you stand and he ignores it then that’s your answer.
I wouldn’t personally call because if he doesn’t answer you’re still left wondering if that makes sense lol

So you get told he’s just not into it, that’s sad but then you’ve left on good terms and who knows what the future brings x

Can I just say à propos of nowt, that when a woman is attracted to a self-made wealthy man, it isn't always the money, or just the money - it's the type of man who has the intelligence and drive and energy and determination to work like a Trojan to achieve this degree of financial security.

That sort of steely determination and ability to focus on a goal despite all the setbacks they may have encountered is very attractive. (As long as they aren't arrogant and conceited with it, obviously)

I agree with @Lovemusic82 I think the playdate highlighted differences somehow or maybe he was waiting to see how his dc found it and they weren't too enthusiastic, for whatever reason.

I sort of understand why you have mentioned his wealth / success so many times but I also think subconsciously he would have picked up on your feelings about his wealth / rhe difference which made him pause, also the men you have been out with before how they haven't paid their way / that he was etc.

I wonder if subconsciously you liked him more than other men around you because he was offering something different / stability and there would have been nothing wrong if you had.

However, I think it sounds like a hard fade rather than a slow fade if he was in touch all the time before soft play.

I’ve nothing helpful to add, OP, just to say life can be a shit and so can some men. My heart aches for you thinking you’d found a good one this time, and being let down. A mistake many of us have made. Sending you a hug.

Yeah based on your comments I'm guessing it's the wealth disparity. People like that don't pluck plebs off the street and Pretty Woman them. He's had fun playing on the other side of the tracks but he's realized he can't do this long term.

You are an adult. Use your words. Ask him!

This! I can't believe the responses on this thread saying to block him or go no contact. What a bizarre approach. Just communicate! Forget speculation and second guessing, just find out the answer and deal with that.

totally agree. I am 100% certain that SIL's next partner/boyfriend will be successful. She never cared at ALL about exBIL earning very little money and when she met him he thought he was doing a vocational job, that he was passionate about. She was wrong. He's just lazy and completely lacking in drive and I suspect she'll land up going too far the other way with her next partner.

A man who has determination and focus and success is attractive to anyone. x1000 to someone who has had a deadbeat as a partner previously.

This in spades x

I do t disagree but he will just slow fade even more. It just drags out the anguish

Possibly one of the little 'uns has said to him, 'I don't want that lady to be my Mummy' or something similar.

I'd fade myself out in these circs I'm afraid.

This is what I was trying to say. Subconsciously something may have given him pause for thought, and he’s backed off because of it. Well clearly something has.

the op has mentioned his wealth a lot. I’m not even sure she knew she was doing it, but nearly every post was about his money. Not his kindness, or looks, drive, ambition, how he treated her, his empathy, intelligence, humour, the times they spent together, none of it comes into it. She’s simply posted she liked him and repeatedly talked about his wealth.

thats what I was trying to point out to her. Because its so evident here his wealth was a big thing for her, it would be hard to hide it from him.

OP what’s the timeline?

When did you all meet and has there been any communication from him since?

Has he been ignoring your texts?

I wouldn’t end my relationship over that.

They are pretty likely to say something like they don’t want the new person to be their new parent and that’s because they’re worried about how it will affect them and their current parents relationship.

You just reassure them that nothings going to change and that she won’t take their mummy’s place etc.

It’s right there in the op..

I'd call him and say, I feel like you're fading me out - if you have decided this relationship isn't working for you then that is fine but I would rather have some clarity.

I don't understand all the game playing and blocking each other that other adults do.