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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel awful, should I tell her?

103 replies

lp67 · 20/11/2023 21:12

A few years ago I was at uni and a girl was starting to join our friendship group. I didn’t really know her at the time but she seemed nice and has gradually now, over the years, become part of our core group.
It was in the early days of her joining our group that we were all on a night out and a couple of the girls boyfriends were there.
This girls boyfriend ended up kissing me. We all slept in the same house that night and the next day (when sober) he said to me ‘I’m surprised we didn’t end up in one of the bedrooms together’. I just ignored him and went into another room.
Now this girl and this same guy are married and have just had a baby.
I have felt so so guilty over the years and this has now intensified with their baby news. I know I only have myself to blame for this. Out of everyone in the group I am least close with her, maybe because I’ve always had this guilt in the back of my mind.
I realise my part in this, we were very young and we were drunk but it takes two to tango. I feel very guilty and have never done anything like this since, nor would I. Her now husband has added me on Facebook and instagram at odd hours, like 3am, when he’s been on a night out. I’ve seen him a couple of times since and I get the vibe he fancies me but I’ve just kept my distance completely as I feel awkward.
I was watching a chat show the other day and this topic came up, someone said they would always let their friend know if their partner is a cheat, but they would do it via anonymous letter.
Should I tell her? Would you want to know?
I wish I had just grown a pair said something initially when it first happened.

OP posts:
Whattodowithit88 · 20/11/2023 21:16

It was just a kiss and meant nothing. His obviously moved on, I so t understood why you would want to piss on their parade when they are about to have a baby.

BCBird · 20/11/2023 21:17

I would say nothing. No.point. let it go

BadBarry · 20/11/2023 21:18

It was years ago and only a kiss - if he sends you a message on Instagram trying to hook up different kettle of fish.
Let it go and forget about it.

Cocoalover · 20/11/2023 21:19

I wouldn't say anything. As you said, you were both young. We all do silly things when we are young. Leave it go and try to forget about it. She would not benefit from knowing about it imo

Maze76 · 20/11/2023 21:20

Nope, say nothing.

amoobaa · 20/11/2023 21:21

Would telling her actually be a gesture intended to help her… or would it really be for yourself, to rid you of your guilt?

ChannelNo19EDT · 20/11/2023 21:22

God no

Chalkdowns · 20/11/2023 21:22

No way. Try and forget about it.

NewMeNewUs · 20/11/2023 21:23

Absolutely not!

SamW98 · 20/11/2023 21:25

Absolutely not. Why would you think it’s a good idea other than to make you feel better?

It was a kiss many years ago. Let it go

Atswimtwogirls · 20/11/2023 21:28

No. Forget it

threecupsofteaminimum · 20/11/2023 21:29

Oh my gosh I thought it was gonna be a major incident, a drunken kiss at Uni is literally nothing!

I really think you need to move on and forget about it!

She'd probably think you're batshit if you bought it up now as some sort of confession, I would anyway, I'd think you're a bit jealous and or slightly potty!

Mazuslongtoenail · 20/11/2023 21:31

I absolutely wouldn’t want to know in that scenario.

Mum2jenny · 20/11/2023 21:34

A drunken kiss? I’d forget it as it probably didn’t mean much to either of you. You are overthinking it OP imo

Mari9999 · 20/11/2023 21:34

@lp67
You all were young , single, probably drinking and you want to impact this woman's life over something so meaningless? You think that he fanci.now and that is a reason to possibly implode someone's life.
He may be a jerk. He has probably kissed enough girls such that he does not even remember all of them.

No one is asking for your input. Stay out of their lives. Nothing good will come from your disclosure.

Username6445 · 20/11/2023 21:35

Not your circus, not your monkeys

TheOccupier · 20/11/2023 21:36

Block the husband off your socials but don't say anything to the wife. He clearly can't keep it in his pants so she'll catch him out sooner or later without your involvement.

BumWad · 20/11/2023 21:37

No… sounds like you want the attention though?

SylvieLaufeydottir · 20/11/2023 21:43

Their relationship has nothing to do with you and hasn't for a long time. Stop trying to insert yourself into it.

MrsMarzetti · 20/11/2023 21:47

Why the hell would you be so nasty as to tell her now ? Green eyed monster maybe. Seriously why would you even think about it now ?

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/11/2023 21:49

Let it go !!! It was years ago

if their marriage turns to shit it’s not on you

box it away

samestyle · 20/11/2023 21:50

How is telling her now going to help her, it's too late, you will probably fall out with your other friends because it's quite nasty to bring it up now they are married with a baby, it makes you sound jealous and unhappy with your own life. If you're worried he's still a cheat, it's not your problem.

Travelismything · 20/11/2023 22:13

Unless his messages now are inappropriate there is nothing to tell. Every Uni friendship group I can think of has people who have kissed multiple people within it. Only later did some of those individuals develop meaningful relationships which then excluded others.

NovemberRainy · 20/11/2023 22:16

No, no, no! Just pretend it never happened and move on!

momtoboys · 20/11/2023 22:18

Jaysus, no. Keep it to yourself.