My boyfriend let his ex wife upstairs in our house

[Melissamumof1]

Hello,

I need to know if I'm being unreasonable here...

My boyfriend and I moved in together about 9 months ago. He's been split from his ex wife for 5 years and they have 2 children together.

She came to the house to collect their kids one day when I wasn't there and insisted on coming upstairs to see what clothes their kids had at our house.

My boyfriend allowed this but didn't tell me about it for a couple of months when it just happened to come into conversation. I feel like my personal space has been invaded and intruded on and it's upset me. My boyfriend can't see why I'm upset. Are my feelings justified?

Just to note, his ex wife has sent MANY inappropriate messages to him since we've been together including calling me names but also borderline sexual messages to him. She's engaged to her new partner but tells my boyfriend she's not happy with him regularly.

Please help I feel like I'm not being respected. My boyfriend even said he wouldn't be ok if I had done the same with my daughters dad. But it seems to be ok for him.

Literally the most naive comment I have ever read.

On one hand, I get why you’re annoyed. It seems disrespectful of her to text those things and for him not to do anything about it. On the other, I do think you’re being unreasonable in terms of the fact that they co-parent and that kind of trumps everything. But I’d perhaps say to her you understand she wanted to check on her kids stuff but she won’t be allowed back in your house if she continues to disrespect you in this way.

everyone will have a different reaction to this as everyone is shaped by different experiences.
i think your answer here logically is to set boundaries with your partner.
and I would set them soon so your relationship can continue onto a much better path.
being stronger together and happier may deter the ex in her advances towards your partner.
I hope it all works itself out for you both.