Would you stop seeing him after this?

[Wouldthati]

Im 24 years old and I'm dating a man who I met on Hinge. He is really into hikes with his dog and climbs mountains every Sunday. Usually he goes up Snowdon but he will try out somewhere new each month, it's his hobby.

I'm not into anything like that, I'm not very outdoorsy and I did tell him this. I have never been up a mountain in my life. Whereas he has been doing this for about 25 years (he's 43).

We have been dating for two months and after a few dates he asked me if I'd want to go with him one Sunday but I said no, and that I really wouldn't enjoy it. However he aske me again a couple of weeks ago and I could tell he really wanted me to so I agreed because if it's important to him, I will give it a go. I was really scared and he assured me that we don't have to go to the top and we can stop whenever I've had enough.

We made a weekend of it and stayed over in Wales for a couple of nights and then went to Snowdon last Sunday. It was cold and wet and I wasn't enjoying myself. After a couple of hours I wanted to stop, I realised I'd make a mistake coming but was quite proud of myself for getting so far. I told him and he was very annoyed. He huffed and puffed and said to his dog "we'll come back next week when we can do this properly" I felt hurt because if he wanted to do it "properly" why did he invite me? He knew we weren't going to go to the top! I've never done this before, it's my first time and he's been doing it every week for years and years. He walked off in front of me down the mountain and I was quite scared and needed help to get down because the rocks were slippy because it was raining and I was scared I was going to slip. He didn't stop to help me once, just powered on in front. Every time I stopped to ask for help he shouted "just jump"

We drove home in silence. When he dropped me off, before I got out of the car he said "well, you've been disappointing" I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I just said right well I don't know what you expected when I told you it wasn't my thing, but I tried. I said I don't know when I'll next see you and he said "you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

I went home with tears in my eyes and I haven't messaged him since. I feel like this has really put me off him, I feel really sad and hurt. Would I be unreasonable to stop seeing him due to this? Or does he have a point in being annoyed with me? What are other people's thoughts on this?

Two things.
Forget him and move on.
You have to question a 43 year old who is still single. He clearly does not want to change his ways and that’ll be why. No thanks.

You’re still young and the world is your oyster. Keep dating, you’ll find the one for you.

Chalked it up to experience. I personally would re-evaluate your age preferences for dating. Maybe date men that aren’t old enough to be your father.
Age matters more as you get older.

He sounds like a toxic, selfish, narcissistic idiot! I'm sorry that will sound judgmental by I always have massive doubts on men who date girls that are 20 years younger then them, to me it's a red flag of a controlling partner. I'm gonna get heat for this, but why on Earth would you want to date someone who could be your child, how do you think you could be at the same stage in life? His behaviour proves that to me, giving you shit and telling you you're disappointing because you expressed a boundary and he's pissed off??? Another massive red flag to me. The fact he's so reluctant to respect your boundaries should make you run miles away from him!

Are you really asking this? Block and move on.

OP, The beginning of your post shows a relationship that it is likely to fade because different hobbies etc. the middle and end of your post show that he is rude and his manners are petty.

Let him go, you tried hiking, you don't like it, nothing wrong with that. He likes hiking, he tried to convince you to join his hobby, nothing wrong with that.

He puffed and huffed, was moody and told you you are a disappointment, that is a huge red flag he can put in the pick of Snowdon next time he walks his dog there.

Don't feel bad.

I said I don't know when I'll next see you and he said "you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

He's an utter dick @Wouldthati . Please block him. Don't give his ego the satisfaction of contacting him. You could get a nice guy your own age, more compatible and not nasty, and probably more attractive too.

I don’t think that this is about the age gap, or the difference in interests. He was really horrible to you and that is all on him. You tried, but he didn’t support and encourage or thank you, as a kind and grown up person should. Imagine if you were in a relationship with him, it would only ever get worse. I’m in his age group and I’ve seen enough to know that this is a massive red flag.

i would advise you to not contact him again, ever. Never mind the couple of hours.

has his own house, an established career

That's a given for someone in their 40s, or should be.
It's nothing special.

There is something between 24 yr olds who aren't on the housing ladder yet or aren't established in a their career - which is totally understandable... And 40 somethings with kids.

It's understandable to want someone who's "sorted" but ... It's important to remember that most 20 somethings, your peers, will be sorted by the time they get to his age. They will build up their careers and get on the housing ladder.

You need to look for an investment, not somebody who's got stuff sorted because he's nearly 20 yrs older, but is only single because he's unbearable/arrogant/selfish/unreasonable/egotistical etc

Late 20s - early 30s guys should be on their way to these things.

You need to think about how things pan out/what their potential is; not what somebody's got now (when they're only in their 20s).

There are good reasons why most people who've been married or in a serious relationship with a child etc are single in their 40s and beyond.

If it's women, it's usually because their ex was a dick or abuser or cheater.

If it's men, it's usually because they are a dick or abuser or cheater.

Hard hat on for the outrage ... Too bad, that's usually how it is.

He wasn’t kind, and that’s a deal breaker.
glad you’re not going to message him again

You need to look for an investment

Most women I know with successful men got together with them when they were both youngish, and before they reached their 30s/40s/50s level of success.

I got together with my h at 27, him 24. He was a tradesman. He was smart and shrewd and hard working though and was open to going back to education when I suggested it. He did a degree, is in an industry with a high demand and has worked his way up to senior level, with a lot staff below him, he's always being head hunted for the ME.

My relationship with a much older man before him was disastrous, mostly due to him. He was divorcing for a reason (none of which was his ex wife's fault).

There are downsides to wanting it all now, in your 20s; mostly that those single 40 plus people are not single for good reasons.

(And renting in a shared house, with a shit car, I should add).

This guy clearly is incredibly arrogant and thinks he has the upper hand/is in a position of power - with you trying to please him, impress him, running after him. Hence "you disappointed me" and "you'll be in touch".

Part of that may be his personality, but also may be because he knows you wanted him partly because he's got the house, the career/income, the car, the boys toys etc. That may make him think you'll put up with any shit and he's in a position of power.

You'd be better to build something together with someone closer to your age than to deal with someone like this. Maybe not everybody his age/in his position would have that attitude but he certainly has.

He also strikes me as a potential commitment and resource "dangler" but who'd have everything on his terms.

He is looking for a subservient service human, that mirrors all his needs and interests, and that he can show off to his mates, look at this young bird I m banging.

It's ALL about his EGO

The worst part is his assumption that you will message him. You can be with someone and gave different hobbies. He needs someone to do what he likes clearly. I would walk away. He needs to make an effort with you!

As usual@Pinkbonbon nails it.

What a nasty prick he is.

Such was his petulance he actually put you at risk of injury.

What if you had fallen, broken a leg, ankle or arm?

He certainly wouldn't be looking after you.

This had the makings of a controlling abusive relationship.

OP, I'm definitely old enough to be your mother and I would be horrified if my daughters got involved with an age gap like that.

Older men can be very attractive, I will admit to a few skirmishes myself in my own 20's.......however I had rock solid boundaries and wasn't to be messed with.

You need to do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk you are the perfect age to firm up your boundaries.

There might be a small percentage of men that innocently fall for much younger women, but IMO the overwhelming majority that seek out younger women are fxxkwits with issues like ego, control, selfish tendencies that older women will spot and not tolerate, so they hunt in younger circles.

You need rock solid boundaries if you are going to seek out an age gap relationship.

Long term you need to imagine what an may-december relationship might mean for you.

Listen to your mum and tell her the truth.

I'm sure she only wants the best for her precious girl.

This.

Sounds like he was setting you up to fail.

He's not a pleasant man, has no empathy and no manners.

You are better off without him.

Tbh the age gap is icky anyway. But especially so that he's nearly 20 years older than you and behaves like a child. Absolutely don't think twice about dumping him.

Just move on from him. Years ago I went out with this lad who I'd liked for ages, he finally asked me out and took me on a day out bike riding round a muddy forest which I hated (I'd love it now!) and it was just the worst date ever. We realised immediately that we were incompatible and there was no spark and happily decided not to see each other again. Don't waste your time! There are so many more suitable potential partners for you, and you are so young.

The age difference isn’t an issue - I don’t know why people are going on about that. 🙄 People of all ages can be in lovely healthy relationships and there are some lovely older guys out there who’ve maybe just not been with the right woman before! BUT…this isn’t one of them. He didn’t look after you, was a prick when you needed help and then spoken to you like a piece of shit. It’s not “girly” to not like hiking, or to not want to be cold and wet - it’s just some people’s thing and not others. It’s perfectly normal to want your feelings respected when you’re not comfortable. That’s what true relationships are all about. Onwards and upwards!

There are good reasons why most people who've been married or in a serious relationship with a child etc are single in their 40s and beyond.

If it's women, it's usually because their ex was a dick or abuser or cheater.

Or as in the case of all of the older single women I know, we just can’t be arsed with the hassle for very little reward and are very comfortable with the peace that being on our own brings.

Sounds like a miserable, grumpy old duffer.

Block him. He's far too old for you, and he's a patronising bastard. I think there's a reason he's single!

The age difference is an issue for most. You may not think it is, you can't possibly have an issue with people who do. 20 years! C'mon!

Plus the age difference exacerbates all the other issues. Surely with age + life experience, he should know better.

The age thing is absolutely relevant. I for one wouldn’t be happy if my 24 year old daughter was dating a middle-aged man in his mid 40s.

This is a totally gaslighting statement. Agree they're not compatible but that's absolutely no excuse for his behaviour so don't try and justify it by a difference in interests