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Original poster

Would you stop seeing him after this?

434 replies

Wouldthati · 16/11/2023 08:27

Im 24 years old and I'm dating a man who I met on Hinge. He is really into hikes with his dog and climbs mountains every Sunday. Usually he goes up Snowdon but he will try out somewhere new each month, it's his hobby.

I'm not into anything like that, I'm not very outdoorsy and I did tell him this. I have never been up a mountain in my life. Whereas he has been doing this for about 25 years (he's 43).

We have been dating for two months and after a few dates he asked me if I'd want to go with him one Sunday but I said no, and that I really wouldn't enjoy it. However he aske me again a couple of weeks ago and I could tell he really wanted me to so I agreed because if it's important to him, I will give it a go. I was really scared and he assured me that we don't have to go to the top and we can stop whenever I've had enough.

We made a weekend of it and stayed over in Wales for a couple of nights and then went to Snowdon last Sunday. It was cold and wet and I wasn't enjoying myself. After a couple of hours I wanted to stop, I realised I'd make a mistake coming but was quite proud of myself for getting so far. I told him and he was very annoyed. He huffed and puffed and said to his dog "we'll come back next week when we can do this properly" I felt hurt because if he wanted to do it "properly" why did he invite me? He knew we weren't going to go to the top! I've never done this before, it's my first time and he's been doing it every week for years and years. He walked off in front of me down the mountain and I was quite scared and needed help to get down because the rocks were slippy because it was raining and I was scared I was going to slip. He didn't stop to help me once, just powered on in front. Every time I stopped to ask for help he shouted "just jump"

We drove home in silence. When he dropped me off, before I got out of the car he said "well, you've been disappointing" I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I just said right well I don't know what you expected when I told you it wasn't my thing, but I tried. I said I don't know when I'll next see you and he said "you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

I went home with tears in my eyes and I haven't messaged him since. I feel like this has really put me off him, I feel really sad and hurt. Would I be unreasonable to stop seeing him due to this? Or does he have a point in being annoyed with me? What are other people's thoughts on this?

OP posts:
LylaLee · 16/11/2023 17:04

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 16/11/2023 16:50

The age thing is absolutely relevant. I for one wouldn’t be happy if my 24 year old daughter was dating a middle-aged man in his mid 40s.

Edited

There is a distinct pattern of behaviour in men who seek out much younger women, and to gaslight people into thinking 'age is irrelevant' is actually harmful.

walkingintothefuture · 16/11/2023 17:08

LylaLee · 16/11/2023 17:04

There is a distinct pattern of behaviour in men who seek out much younger women, and to gaslight people into thinking 'age is irrelevant' is actually harmful.

Show quote history

Agree with this 💯

Antilope · 16/11/2023 17:11

What? I can't believe you'd consider seeing him again! He's a massive dick and put you in a dangerous situation. I've dated some less-than-ideal guys but an outing like this is absolutely shocking in my books!

Cynicalyn · 16/11/2023 17:12

What a plonker! What a pity you didn't just push him off! Only joking but you're worth more than that.

Sunandsea26 · 16/11/2023 17:48

Oh OP ditch him for sure! He knew you didn’t do that sort of thing but you tried for him! He has been really unreasonable acting like that. He clearly thought he could “change you”

TiredMummma · 16/11/2023 17:52

He is 20 years older than you and likes the idea of dating someone so much younger which is why he was so keen to get you to like walking up hills. How with that age gap did he manage to match with you? Did he lie about his age?

Honestly run an absolute mile, then keep going over Snowdon and beyond 😂

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

K4tM · 16/11/2023 17:57

Past 40 we’re all single for a reason.

You’re 24! Go off and find someone more fun who’s into the same stuff as you.

Casperroonie · 16/11/2023 17:59

Wouldthati · 16/11/2023 08:27

Im 24 years old and I'm dating a man who I met on Hinge. He is really into hikes with his dog and climbs mountains every Sunday. Usually he goes up Snowdon but he will try out somewhere new each month, it's his hobby.

I'm not into anything like that, I'm not very outdoorsy and I did tell him this. I have never been up a mountain in my life. Whereas he has been doing this for about 25 years (he's 43).

We have been dating for two months and after a few dates he asked me if I'd want to go with him one Sunday but I said no, and that I really wouldn't enjoy it. However he aske me again a couple of weeks ago and I could tell he really wanted me to so I agreed because if it's important to him, I will give it a go. I was really scared and he assured me that we don't have to go to the top and we can stop whenever I've had enough.

We made a weekend of it and stayed over in Wales for a couple of nights and then went to Snowdon last Sunday. It was cold and wet and I wasn't enjoying myself. After a couple of hours I wanted to stop, I realised I'd make a mistake coming but was quite proud of myself for getting so far. I told him and he was very annoyed. He huffed and puffed and said to his dog "we'll come back next week when we can do this properly" I felt hurt because if he wanted to do it "properly" why did he invite me? He knew we weren't going to go to the top! I've never done this before, it's my first time and he's been doing it every week for years and years. He walked off in front of me down the mountain and I was quite scared and needed help to get down because the rocks were slippy because it was raining and I was scared I was going to slip. He didn't stop to help me once, just powered on in front. Every time I stopped to ask for help he shouted "just jump"

We drove home in silence. When he dropped me off, before I got out of the car he said "well, you've been disappointing" I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I just said right well I don't know what you expected when I told you it wasn't my thing, but I tried. I said I don't know when I'll next see you and he said "you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

I went home with tears in my eyes and I haven't messaged him since. I feel like this has really put me off him, I feel really sad and hurt. Would I be unreasonable to stop seeing him due to this? Or does he have a point in being annoyed with me? What are other people's thoughts on this?

I'd say find someone your age amd with similar interest. He's far too old for you, in 10 years time you'll still be young and he very much over the hill, ugh sorry too much of an age gap. He sounds like he wants someone young he can manipulate.

HerMammy · 16/11/2023 18:01

You're 24 and he's 43 was enough for me, do better.

LanaBeady · 16/11/2023 18:02

Or as in the case of all of the older single women I know, we just can’t be arsed with the hassle for very little reward and are very comfortable with the peace that being on our own brings

I like this, and it's true.

TrustyRusty68 · 16/11/2023 18:02

Blimey - he sounds unpleasant. You deserve better than that - block & move on. Don’t settle for second best :-)

Shamrock77 · 16/11/2023 18:05

GET RID! GET RID! GET RID!!
I would most definitely stop seeing him after this! How rude and belittling of him with his comments!! Also luring you into a false sense of security - assuring you that you don't need to go to the top and you can stop whenever you want to. Then when you do, spitting his dummy out and stomping off like a spoilt child!! You were nice enough to give it a go, he should be respecting you for that. What if you had slipped and twisted or broken your ankle? You deserve so much better than this. Please get rid, this will be a relationship that will damage your self esteem and things will most certainly get worse. His true colours have come there...that's just the start. Don't text and when he finally texts you, tell him it's not going to work and block him. Good luck x

gemma19846 · 16/11/2023 18:05

Wow what a twat! You tried really hard for him ( i wouldnt have even bothered to climb a hill for his sake) then he speaks to you like absolute rubbish!! Do NOT text him again...ever

OrdinaryGirl · 16/11/2023 18:16
  1. He’s nearly 20 years older than you, which would be ok and just about workable if you were hugely compatible and shared similar interests, but
  2. You don’t share similar interests and are clearly not compatible, but even that is less important than… ⬇️
  3. He was mean to you! You don’t need to be with someone who behaves like that to you, not this early in the relationship, not ever. My husband of 12 years still helps me on with my coat and holds his hand out for me to get over stiles.

You can do better. Transcend, detach, think about the lovely person who is out there who would feel honoured and delighted to be your partner, and for the love of all that is holy, don’t contact this bozo again.

Pinkitydrinkity0 · 16/11/2023 18:18

I would genuinely just block him for that last comment. How VILE.

Keep your age limit to 28, maybe 30 maximum! A 43 year old going out with a 24 year old makes me so uneasy.

TheBerry · 16/11/2023 18:18

That is horrible of him. He really does sound so horrible and uncaring. Please just ghost him.

Threewheeler1 · 16/11/2023 18:21

He sounds like a bit of a rude pig.
Leave him to it, you don't need that in your life.
Good on you for having a go. He's shown his true colours already - I'm sorry you had to waste a weekend on him and get your confidence knocked to boot.
Well rid!
x

Flossypantsmummy · 16/11/2023 18:24

F him off!!!

Montegufoni2017 · 16/11/2023 18:26

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
selfish, rude, nasty, judgy and emotionally abusive. RUN AWAY from this man child

Puzzledandpissedoff · 16/11/2023 18:26

I said I don't know when I'll next see you and he said "you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

Unless you have form for hassling him via text I'd dump him for that arrogance alone, never mind his other lack of consideration

2jacqi · 16/11/2023 18:26

@Wouldthati he doesnt sound a very nice person to me!! you would do well to forget him and move onto someone new. it is maybe the reason he has reached the age he is at without a partner! inconsiderate!

Blinkityblonk · 16/11/2023 18:28

Every time I think about dipping my toe back in the dating waters, I read a post like this and remember why I don't want to bother! What a complete knob. I don't like walking as a hobby either, OP, and more than two hours in the pouring rain in November would be an absolute no from me, but I'd be happy to be doing a short hike on an ok day to keep someone company.

You were flexible and gave it a go, he was horrific. Shaming you, speaking to his dog, the only good thing is that now you never have to go up that blinking mountain with him again. And the danger from slippy rocks from someone possibly underprepared- what a knob. Onwards and upwards, but not with him!

billy1966 · 16/11/2023 18:29

His reaction to your understandable discomfort was in effect a toddler tantrum that put your safety at risk.

He is one dangerous prick.

You really need to learn from this experience, to protect yourself going forward.

HappyMe6 · 16/11/2023 18:32

Bully

OnWhatGrounds · 16/11/2023 18:33

GrumpyOldCrone · 16/11/2023 08:36

Walking ahead of you and not checking you were ok, when you’ve never done this kind of walk before, is a huge red flag. He doesn’t care about your safety. It’s not trivial: it indicates a fundamental lack of respect for you. This would be a dealbreaker for me.

^^ also, he thinks he has you wrapped around his little finger. 'You'll text me in a few days no doubt' 🙄 Why bother with him

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