Would you stop seeing him after this?

[Wouldthati]

Im 24 years old and I'm dating a man who I met on Hinge. He is really into hikes with his dog and climbs mountains every Sunday. Usually he goes up Snowdon but he will try out somewhere new each month, it's his hobby.

I'm not into anything like that, I'm not very outdoorsy and I did tell him this. I have never been up a mountain in my life. Whereas he has been doing this for about 25 years (he's 43).

We have been dating for two months and after a few dates he asked me if I'd want to go with him one Sunday but I said no, and that I really wouldn't enjoy it. However he aske me again a couple of weeks ago and I could tell he really wanted me to so I agreed because if it's important to him, I will give it a go. I was really scared and he assured me that we don't have to go to the top and we can stop whenever I've had enough.

We made a weekend of it and stayed over in Wales for a couple of nights and then went to Snowdon last Sunday. It was cold and wet and I wasn't enjoying myself. After a couple of hours I wanted to stop, I realised I'd make a mistake coming but was quite proud of myself for getting so far. I told him and he was very annoyed. He huffed and puffed and said to his dog "we'll come back next week when we can do this properly" I felt hurt because if he wanted to do it "properly" why did he invite me? He knew we weren't going to go to the top! I've never done this before, it's my first time and he's been doing it every week for years and years. He walked off in front of me down the mountain and I was quite scared and needed help to get down because the rocks were slippy because it was raining and I was scared I was going to slip. He didn't stop to help me once, just powered on in front. Every time I stopped to ask for help he shouted "just jump"

We drove home in silence. When he dropped me off, before I got out of the car he said "well, you've been disappointing" I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I just said right well I don't know what you expected when I told you it wasn't my thing, but I tried. I said I don't know when I'll next see you and he said "you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

I went home with tears in my eyes and I haven't messaged him since. I feel like this has really put me off him, I feel really sad and hurt. Would I be unreasonable to stop seeing him due to this? Or does he have a point in being annoyed with me? What are other people's thoughts on this?

He showed you who he is. If that's how he is when he's disappointed you don't like being freezing and wet, imagine how he'll react if you disagree on something actually important.

This 👆

He sounds a bore and an unempathetic one at that. What are you interested in? Make him spend an afternoon doing that with you, and if he's still a moany twat, dump him.

But any man who makes a novice woman climber slither over wet rocks without lending her a hand ain't worth the candle, really.

He’s almost twice your age. Men this age are mostly arrogant twats (I know because I’m the same age and have dated a few).

He doesn’t sound like your type anyway, most outdoorsy people don’t date people who don’t like the outdoors. I’m a outdoors person and soundly consider dating someone who wasn’t up for a hike/walk etc..
Get rid of him, find someone your own age who likes doing the same things as you do.

If it's any consolation I have a really bad dating story which involved a overseas trip, a secret girlfriend, and also being left up a mountain.

At the time I was really sad, but now it's one of my best and funniest stories! People often ask me to tell the tale whenever someone has a dating crash and burn to make them feel better lol.

It's all part of life! He sounds like an absolute twit!

I agree with everyone else saying move on and block him. You do not need to explain yourself to him. He will not listen. He’s 43, that’s the way he behaves, he’s not changing. He’s more than likely seeing younger women because women his own age call him out on his behaviour. Well done for giving his interests a go and well done for being honest. The right person for you wouldn’t mind.

I’m curious why you weren’t automatically pissed off with him. That’s really dickish behaviour on his part.

What sort of relationships did you see growing up? Did you see your dm walking on eggshells around your df?

I think the real issue here is why you would want to go out with someone who is old enough to be your dad. Are there no 20-something men around?

@Wouldthati I think the fact that you even offered to join him on his hobby would be worthy of recognition let alone attempting Snowdon in poor weather conditions - that is not to be sniffed at! His lack of empathy, graciousness and support tells you everything you need to know. Chalk it up to experience, prove him wrong (I hate presumptuous men) and don’t make contact with him. You’ll find you’re compatible mate, I’m sure.

More fool him for not "reading the room". I love being outside. In the Lake District. I would never dream of asking someone to do a big walk if it wasn't their thing. Maybe a stroll down the canal and a pub meal.

The same with music. I love orchestral music but there are friends I just wouldn't ask to go with me.

Horses for courses.

Wouldthati
He has now been blocked. I have decided to not give him an explanation on why I don't want to see him again.

Well done you, I wouldn’t normally approve of ghosting but someone that rude to you doesn’t deserve an explanation.

He’s a knob. Bit old for you too !

OP, this is a classic from the Older Boyfriend Playbook, called ‘I Know Best.’

I am the same age as your boyfriend. I wish I knew when I was your age what I know now. I apologise if that comes over as condescending, I don’t mean it to be. I don’t think we had Mumsnet then, wish we had, would have saved a lot of dissonance and doubt.

Basically, it’s a poor idea to drag people up a hill who don’t want to go. If you are selfish enough to nag them into it you don’t mantrum and blame them when they’ve had enough. You don’t then endanger them by telling a nervous person to ‘just jump.’ What if you’d broken a bone? ‘Just limp?’

He sounds like a smug, high-handed bully and no mistake. You’re comparatively young, very possibly he doesn’t like women his own age cos we’ve all been up that fucking hill already, one way or another.

Let him away and talk to his dog some more, the poor hairy bugger that has to listen to it. I bet he’s also thinking ‘Fuck off, fuck-features.’

He sounds a right charmer, horrible way to talk and treat someone. Fuck trekking up a mountain anyway, bet you any money he didn't crack out a trek like that first go.

I mean if you're into older guys that's what you are into I guess, not everyone agrees with that but people do it. Just be wary as just because they are older doesn't mean they have matured or are more stable. A lot regardless of age don't mature, some become old sour grumps and some are just arseholes and always have been since young and not changed since.

That's not saying all are like that but I would say you're running risk of running into users, which may be the same any age but especially on OLD with that kind of age gap, possibly more. Don't let it put you off dating but be careful who you trust all the same.

Red flags, move on you won't regret it.

Bit ageist.we don't like it if they say such comments to us.hes an idiot and nasty.dump.but no ageist insults

@Wouldthati Move on! This man sounds highly unpleasant.

Don't contact him again!

There are so many men on OLD who are into this type of thing. If you're not, then it's potentially going to cause a big incompatibility issue.

He was really rude and uncaring towards you. Stop feeling like it was somehow your fault and see this for what it is - he's a horrible bloke who isn't deserving of any more of your time or thoughts!

I'd block him too as I wouldn't be surprised if he turns nasty and sends something insulting when he realises you're not going to run after him.

He was rude to you and you should end it for that.

Aside from that you are 24. I've seen 60+ year olds hike in all conditions and across lava fields in Iceland with sharp rock.

I've seen novices do that too. You really shouldn't have needed your hand holding down some wet rocks at your age.

Hahaha! Thanks for the laugh! Wrinkly balls! 😂

He didn’t seem concerned about your safety did he? Telling you to jump across wet, slippery rocks is madness, leads to injuries and mountain rescue getting called out! He should know that.
Dump him. He’s possibly a bit stuck in his ways and that won’t improve with age. You’re young, go and have fun.

He sounds like a massive huge rude twat who is a total waste of your time. Why did you go for someone so much older, out of interest?

Yes, I'd stop seeing him after that, because he's an arsehole.

He's one of those people who assumes he'll be able to mould you into the thing he wants you to be. Clearly, he should be looking for a girlfriend who is already an outdoorsy type, but instead, he thought 'She isn't the outdoorsy type but never mind, I'll soon make her into one.' And then had the bloody cheek to be 'disappointed' in you for not enjoying something you had told him openly from the start that you weren't into. I bloody hate it when people get annoyed because you don't live up to something that you never claimed to be in the first place. He's probably someone who would go to a curry house for dinner and then leave an angry review complaining that they refused to make him a pizza.

I think it was really good of you to give it a go, and any decent bloke would have just appreciated that you made the effort and said 'Haha, well, I guess you were right about not being the outdoor type, eh? Sorry for dragging you up a mountain, you're a good sport for trying and I promise I won't ask you to do this again! How about you choose something for us to do next weekend - what's something I wouldn't usually do that you really like?' The fact that he was arsey with you is SUCH a red flag.

You are way better off without this tosser - you can do much better than some arrogant twat who wants to make you into his improvement project. He's a twat.

Not all are outdoor types! I’m hopeless at bushwalking / hiking and it has nothing to do with age! Have always been this way. Goodness gracious.